Votefortheworst.com Presents: The Truth About American Idol Auditions

The typical compliment to a great singer in this day and age is, "You should go on American Idol!" We all have friends that can sing circles around Katharine McPhee and Chris Daughtry, and many of them may have tried out to be on the most popular show in the country. Most of these great singers don't make it anywhere near Simon, Paula, and Randy.

Could the show be turning down real talent? Could there be more to the audition process than we all think? Of course! Votefortheworst.com has known all about the ridiculous audition process for quite some time, so we’ve decided to do even more research to show you what really goes down at the cattle calls. If you think that American Idol is actually a talent competition, read on, and let us change your mind.

---

AUDITION MYTH #1: "The auditions take place over one or two days and everyone gets to see Simon, Paula, and Randy."

As any of the American Idol audition episodes begin, the viewers are treated to a shot of the thousands and thousands of people who try out in any given city. We then get to watch them all try out in front of Simon, Paula, and Randy in 2 days, right? Of course not! Besides the fact that it's logistically impossible, an incredibly tiny fraction of those auditioners ever see the famous judges.

In actuality, the contestants are at the auditions for about a week before they even see the Loathsome Threesome. An MSNBC article explains:

During the auditions, the judges don’t show up until the last day or two, and only see about 100 people who have already been screened, first by producers (who see small groups and narrow the contestants to a few hundred) and then by the show’s executive producers.

So the wannabe Idols first have to try out in groups of four for a number of random producers. Then, they try out one-by-one in front of the executive producers. And finally, they try out in front of our favorite boozehound and her cohorts. This is why so many people lose their jobs to try out for the show; they have to attend auditions for a week before they even know if they’re going to Hollywood.

So what happens during these earlier auditions? Well for one thing, those obnoxious song montages that usually end the episodes are filmed then. It’s not a coincidence that all of the bad singers decided to sing the same song. Jennifer Sieminski, who made it to Hollywood during American Idol's fifth season, admits that those segments are not “even recorded in front of Simon, Paula and Randy.”

Apparently, each city has a “city song” that everyone must sing so that the producers can make the lame montages. The producers even force the people who audition to wear the same clothes to each audition so the viewers at home think the auditions all took place over the span of 1 or 2 days. They messed up with Crystal Parizanski, the overly tan girl who auditioned in Chicago for American Idol 5, who was wearing a completely different outfit during the “Lady Marmalade” montage at the end of the episode. This obviously showed that she had been there for at least a few days.

---

AUDITION MYTH #2: "We see a truthful depiction of each audition."

Obviously all television shows use editing to condense footage and tell stories. Reality TV, though, is particularly guilty of using editing to completely change the facts of a situation and craft stories that didn’t happen. The fact that so many rounds of auditions exist provide the producers with ample footage to cut and paste as they please. Robert Solomon (check out his MySpace), the movie projectionist who tried out for American Idol 4, was surprised to see himself singing “Dancing in the Streets” in front of the celebrity judges when his audition episode aired, because “Dancing” was the city song he was forced to sing:

"I did not sing that song for Simon and Randy. I sang that song at my 2nd audition for the two old British producers. What you saw (or haven't saw yet) was a bit of trickery. Not only did they record comments from Simon that he never said to me they also digitally altered the background to make it appear that I had chosen to sing that song for my 3rd audition (the celebrity judges one). I only sang that song at the 2nd audition because everyone was required to know that song at the New Orleans audition."

So apparently, the show even goes back to record extra judge commentary that didn’t even take place. Obviously, the point of having week-long auditions isn’t just to weed out the singers the producers don’t want; it’s also to get extra footage to splice in at different points. Robert goes into more detail to prove his point for those who might not believe him, explaining that he “had also helped them out by wearing the same outfit to both auditions” as we pointed out. He also made the following valid points on why it’s obvious that the events didn’t happen the way we saw them in the show:

- I jump right into the chorus abruptly without a song introduction (which differed from pretty much everyone else on that show).
- I'm in a long shot for the entirety of my singing while everyone else in the show is in a medium shot.
- The carpet has a slightly different look to it if you compare the two.
- Do you really think that the judges would have not torn me to pieces if I sang that song the way I did in front of them?
- I don't look very strained when Paula cuts me off... one of my cheeks tends to turn bright red when I do my "high singing" and I had no evidence of strain when she cut me off.

The producers must have found Robert’s “Dancing in the Street” much more amusing than his actual audition in front of the judges, so they used that instead. Of course, if Robert’s audition was creatively edited, it’s highly likely that most of the other auditions were as well.

---

AUDITION MYTH #3: "The bad singers are not encouraged by the producers."

It’s surprising how many bad singers are delusional enough to think they can become the next American Idol. It takes a special level of craziness to put yourself through such a masochistic process, but the delusional still come out in droves every year, much to VFTW’s delight.

Crystal Parizanski looked silly during her time on the show due in part to her excessive use of makeup. But was that her choice? Crystal talked to Mix 96 Montreal in a radio interview about her experience on the show. She had this to say:

"The show was edited a lot… They portrayed me very stupid… With the show, they told me to put on more makeup. I’m like, “You’re trying to, you know, [exploit] me, you know saying, ‘put on more makeup. Simon will like that. You have to look prettier on the stage for the judges.’” And they came into the bathroom and filmed it too… They told me, “You know what? We like how you put on your mascara, you should put it on” and they filmed me putting it on just to make a mockery of me and I’m like, “That’s bogus.” But you have to learn the harsh realities of the world I guess and how reality TV is not that real."

Now Crystal doesn’t come off as a beacon of intelligence, but it does make it a little less funny when someone like her was tricked into looking stupider. Crystal also mentioned in the interview how her time on the show was edited and that the producers took clips from some of her auditions and put them together to make her look dumber.

---

AUDITION MYTH #4: "The good singers always make it through."

Even if there are many stages to the audition process, it seems like the good singers will always triumph and continue on in the competition. The producers only like to mess with the bad singers, right? Well, that's not correct at all either. In fact, the first judging process is so ridiculously random, we wonder why anyone even bothers to try out.

As we previously mentioned, the first round of auditions takes place in front of a group producers at a table, who likely aren’t even very qualified to judge a competition (then again, this never stopped Simon, Paula, and Randy). Each singer tries out with 3 other singers for these producers. After singing for a mere 15 seconds, you are told whether you’re moving on or going home. The producers are usually only on the lookout for people with stories that will sell on TV or people who will make incredible fools of themselves. One auditioner figured out that there are good tables and bad tables, meaning that it's possible that the bad tables just pass on everyone and won’t let anyone through to the next round. What if a good singer gets stuck at a bad table? Well, good luck next year! Blogger Matthew Paul David wrote about his experience at the Seattle auditions:

"We made our way down and they did the whole ‘separate into groups of 4’ thing and we waited to go to a table. (there were 11 tables total). We were unlucky enough to be the first to go to a table where the judge/staff member had just come off a break. He didn’t look very nice either. And I was the lucky one to sing first. GREEEEAAAT. I sang “Jealous Guy” by John Lennon and I wasn’t comfortable with my performance at all. But whatever, I didn’t care – after I sang I knew I pretty much bombed it and wouldn’t make it through. I couldn’t hear anybody else in my group sing. We were standing too far back. When we were done the guy told us that he wasn’t going to put any of us through and then said something else but I couldn’t really hear. So we grabbed our shit, went and got our wristbands cut and took the “walk of shame” through the exit that all the rejects go through."

Of course, this sounds highly technical and very efficient at making sure all good singers get through to the next round… not. Afraidofpop shared her audition experience at the East Rutherford auditions this year:

"And here comes Mandisa 2.0. Holy Jesus, she's amazing. "I'm Your Baby Tonight." More Whitney. Big surprise. But she pulls it off and then some. WOW. The arena is applauding. Everyone could hear her. The girl next to her is shaking her head in wonder…OHMYGOD THEY PASSED ON ALL OF THEM. The arena boos… Many of the best singers I've ever heard who don't currently have record deals [are] being cut, right and left."

Obviously if you’re going to cut someone who blows an entire room away, the process is either flawed or not really looking for good singers.

---

AUDITION MYTH #5: "Everyone has a shot at becoming the American Idol."

A ticket to Hollywood isn't always what it's cracked up to be either. In reality, the producers of the show have a good idea of who they want in the competition and who they don’t. Even after making past the virtual circus of auditions, the good singers who make it to Hollywood aren’t immune from a little creative editing out of their fair shot. In Jennifer Sieminski’s interview with the East Carolinan, she says that awful singers like the famous VFTW pick Kellie Pickler had a golden road paved to the semi-final rounds.

"Kellie Pickler actually forgot all of her words for two days and they didn't show that. Heather Cox had laryngitis for two days and couldn't even sing a note on group day, but somehow made it through. I'm not disappointed that I was cut... I'm mad at the people who weren't cut..."

Jennifer also mentions in that interview that Katharine McPhee was acting like a gigantic bitch all week and that the two of them had a fight on camera.

"My group consisted of myself, the oh-so-humble Katherine McPhee and Crystal Stark. Crystal was in the same boat that I was, we were never shown on TV. You would have never known we were there... We picked "I can't help myself (sugarpie honeybunch)" and we picked it because it had easy words and we knew the melody. But it's now 11:30 and the last thing we wanted to do was sing more... At this point, I started to break down. I was so tired and this was so stressful. Anyways, Katherine is not so humble, she's overzealous, she's bossy, she's a b*tch, and they totally portray her as being the sweet girl. They didn't air the fight that we had because they wanted to keep her... it was 2:30 in the morning before they let us go back to the hotel... and then 7:30 call, everyone was a bit tired and it was a little rough… We did well, and guess who forgot all the words? Katherine..."

This confrontation was obviously never shown because the show was painting Katharine as the humble girl with a beautiful voice. Of course, by the end of the show it was fairly obvious that Katharine was indeed a spoiled brat who forgot lyrics quite a few times because it’s tough to edit something out of a live show. But the producers got their “humble, sweet girl” contestant in Katharine for quite a while before her true colors came out.

---

Basically, the American Idol auditions are not actually auditions for a singing competition; they’re auditions for a reality television show. Why haven’t we heard more about this before? Well the people who make it to the finals are happy to have made it that far and have no bone to pick, and people tend to not believe the complaints of the contestants who were edited poorly. Also, all of the contestants (even William Hung and other people who don’t make it far at all) have to sign ridiculously long contracts that forbid them from revealing Idol’s secrets. Still don’t believe us? How about hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth? Idol producer Ken Warwick interviewed with Foxes on Idol last year. In one section, Kenny admits that the Austin auditions for season 5 were edited very creatively:

It’s come out recently that the Austin people did not really audition for the judges in Austin. That they did so elsewhere, maybe in San Francisco and other places.

Yes, that’s correct.

But then why did you choose to not say that on the show, and make it look in several instances as if the judges were in Austin? Like when Simon is walking in, and you show a woman running away from him, and she’s clearly in Austin and he –

Clearly, that didn’t happen the way it is, we add things. We have to produce an entertaining program to begin with, and scenes like that where we’re taking the ... out of Simon, we will edit to make it work. But the fact of the matter is, because of Katrina, we pulled out of Memphis; we had to go elsewhere.

While this may have been about one isolated incident, the Austin auditions, Kenny said, “Clearly, that didn’t happen the way it is, we add things.” And if the producers have no problem leaving out that a giant hurricane made them bring certain auditioners to other cities, they certainly don’t have a problem changing smaller details as well.

So what advice do we have for the budding American Idol hopeful? First of all, don’t try out. If you’re actually talented, there are many better ways to get your name out there. But if you must try out, at least invent some kind of good story. Cry a lot on camera. Basically become a fame whore like Kellie Pickler. The producers love that. Most of all, don’t have a mind of your own like Taylor Hicks, who refused to sing his coronation song until a new one was written for him. It might make the producers mad that their puppet is talking back to them. Though if you’re willing to sell your dignity, American Idol may actually be the perfect venue for you! Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

__________________________