The Lies of Carly Smithson

Posted by thefunnystone on March 11th, 2008 at 1:51 PM
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Carly Smithson is a liar. And a really bad one at that. Ever since we broke the story that she would be on the show this year, we knew something was off with her. And it seems that it's not just something, it's everything. The girl can barely keep her lies straight. Just in case you feel bad for her lame sob stories or feel compelled to vote for her, step away from the telephone. Read on and find out how absolutely nothing said by this lying plant, who only got on the show due to working with Randy Jackson years ago at MCA records, is the truth. We'll also keep this updated with new lies as Carly weaves a tangled web of lame falsities.

(Last Updated on 3/11/08)

 

LIE #1: "My name is Carly Smithson."

No, it's not. Your name is Carly Hennessy. Sure, Carly married Todd Smithson 2 years ago. But she oh so conveniently changed her name only a few months ago for the show. When JoesPlace revealed spoilers for this season, Carly's name was revealed as Carly Hennessy, because that's how she was known in Hollywood. She was even playing shows as late as November of last year under her maiden name. So why suddenly change it? Because, of course, she was trying to hide her past. Like everything else she does though, Carly did it incredibly poorly.

 

LIE #2: "My record company imploded."

Carly was a colossal flop in 2001. Her record "Ultimate High" tanked miserably. Even in 2002, when anyone with common sense knew that no one wanted to buy Carly's failed album, MCA Records still tried to promote Carly in Europe unsuccessfully. MCA merged with Geffen Records in 2003. Successful and talented artists like Mary J. Blige, Common, Blink-182, and the Roots made an easy transition over to the new label. So where did Carly go? She was dumped long before the merger in 2002. So her record company never imploded, and even if id had, the company merged and dissolved a full year after Carly was given the old heave-ho. Artists on Geffen still recorded successful albums. Carly even claims on the official Idol site that her friends would be shocked to learn she owns a Blink-182 album. So Carly even knows some bands survived the so-called implosion that never existed.

 

LIE #3: "I made a record, but I never did stage performances at all."

Carly told Zap2It that she may have had a record deal, but she never performed on the stage, so she's at a disadvantage too. This is one of the stupidest lies she's ever told, as she has a ton of stage experience. First, she toured in Les Miserables as one of the leads when she was 9. She performed at the WKRZ 20th Anniversary Show, then a series of 5 shows around the country to promote her horrible single, at a concert in 2002 for over 100,000 people in Dublin, even still performing as late as 2006 and 2007. And those are just the ones we can find proof of. This lie makes even less sense than the others!

 

 

LIE #4: "We can pick any song we want on American Idol."

In the semifinals, this year the contestants were limited to choosing from a list of about 50 songs each week, which is why they all chose such idiotic songs. And Garrett Haley mentioned that the contestants are asked to pick 3 songs from the list and then are at the mercy of the producers deciding which they can sing. So to counteract this, Carly says in an Entertainment Weekly interview: “They're all saying online that we have a list to pick from. I believe we had a list in Hollywood week, and it was a big list; we had a lot of songs to choose from. But since the live shows have started, we get to choose whatever we like, which is great.” Why are we saying this online? Because Garett acknowledged it, and Nigel Lythgoe, the executive producer of Idol, even acknowledged it here. Silly Carly can’t even keep up the lie, completely contradicting the other contestants in the interview who say they have to pick from a list. It doesn’t even benefit her to make this up, as she looks foolish contradicting the producer.

 

LIE #5: "My record failed because of 9/11."

As if her lies weren’t ridiculous enough, Carly has the audacity to blame her failure on the terrorist attacks of 9/11. “It was gaining traction, she said, but then 9/11 happened and “nobody was interested in shopping a new record.” Sure, 9/11 killed your record. “I’m Gonna Blow Your Mind” was released as a single in early 2001. It failed due to because no one wanted to hear an 18 year old sing about blow jobs. Then, 9/11 happened, and “Beautiful You” was offered up as the second single in November 2001. So the record company didn’t ditch her at all. In fact, they released a second song, shortly after 9/11 to try to help promote her. Her album was then released on November 13, 2001, a full 2 months after 9/11, and it still didn’t sell. As a comparison, crappy rockers Nickelback actually released their album on 9/11. Their music is worse than Carly’s, yet it sold relatively well, and they had a #1 hit by the end of the year with “How You Remind Me.” Looks like 9/11 didn’t hurt that new artist’s career.

 

LIE #6: "This is my second chance."

It's more like her 500th chance. This girl has been trying to become famous since she was little. Her mom was even a celebrity. "[My mom] was one of Ireland's top models so when I was born all the photographers wanted to take pictures of me. I grew up and got to go to work with her so all the photographers knew me. Auditions would come for different advertisements and the photographers would say, "Oh, we'll just use Carly." It was insane; I'd be on four commercials at a time around Dublin. So I was very well known growing up." Chance one. Singing in Les Miserables and having a record come out at age 9. Chance two. Her album "Ultimate High". Chance three. Trying out for American Idol two seasons ago. Chance four. Trying out again. Chance five. How many chances does someone get? No one wanted to hear her the last four times, why should chance five be any different?

 

So you see, Carly is not just a Sanjaya-hating loser. She's a liar. A really big one. If you feel compelled to vote for her, don't bother. I'm sure she's blowing Nigel Lythgoe's "mind" as we speak and she's in no danger of leaving the competition. But one day, this plant will wilt again, as history shows it always has, and it will be pretty funny to see the reactions. We'll see what kind of lies Carly will come up with then!

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eNeko
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 6:37pm
Joined: 11 Mar 2008

She has a decent voice, but I've just never liked her. There's something about her that puts me off.

I read that article about when she met Mick Jagger, and she came off as totally self centered. My god, what an ego. She probably does believe that the company imploded, rather than that she just couldn't make it.

mud57
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 6:45pm
Joined: 26 Feb 2008

She pissed me off right from the start when I heard about her "immigration" issues. I would not be surprised if she is not continuing her lying ways by committing "marriage fraud" too.

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For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.
Plato

mud57
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 6:49pm
Joined: 26 Feb 2008

Perhaps you didn't understand the whole part about supporting those who the producers are not trying to ramrod down America's throat. Go back and read the intro about why VFTW is doing what it is doing.

__________________________

For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.
Plato

roadmomy
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 6:52pm
Joined: 24 Jan 2008

OMG.....randy needs to stick his head further up Carly's ass....now paula is adding herself to the mix...wonder what Simon will say....week after week so far I think you have choosen the wrong song, until now.....this reminds me 6 years ago of Kelly Clarkson................WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!!!! she stank..of course with her background she knew how to preform and make the song happen the way that she was trained and given pointers on.....also you can add another lie to her growing list of them. In her "personal interview" she said that she moved her 3 years ago..didn't she have a problem getting a visa so that she could try out for Idol last year??????? also didn't she say for quite sometime that she works in a tatoo shop?? that wasn't mentioned. Guess you are more crediable if you are a working waitress...boy talk about disrespecting that field of work. No votes from me tonite for the planed one.

hixon2d
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 7:07pm
Joined: 07 Mar 2008

I honestly believe that Carly could FART the Alphabet and the judges would rave about it!

Oh Carly...... that was the most melodic fart I have ever heard. We could release that FART tomorrow and it would be a hit single.... YADA, YADA, YADA........

I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER NOW!!!!

Bishop
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 7:40pm
Joined: 05 Mar 2008

You know, I just actually listened to 'I'm Gonna Blow Your Mind' for the first time, because, well ... call me crazy, but I like singing, I like 18 year old girls, and I'm also a big fan of blowjobs.

Problem was, I don't think the song was actually -about- blowjobs. That's just a cover. A cop-out. That song is so much more hard-core than just being an 18-yo singing about blowjobs.

This is an 18 year old girl singing about anal fisting.

Think about the lyrics:

"I’m trusting you / I know you’d never hurt me baby / So get me a little sure / So let your hands touch me so fine /
Where the sun don’t shine / Boy slow down / Stop"

Wake up and smell the astroglide, people!

techx
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 8:32pm
Joined: 11 Mar 2008

I personally think this is the perfect reason to vote for her if she makes it near the end.

Whatchamacallit
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 8:35pm
Joined: 28 May 2007

Dave,

Out of all the articles you have written, this is a brilliant one! This story needs more exposure by the major news networks.

PiratePoppet
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 8:37pm
Joined: 20 Feb 2008

Dave, your resourcefulness is awesome. :)
What a lying bitch. I can't believe she's stooping so low to blame 9/11 for her musical inability.

tommy2
Posted: March 11, 2008 - 8:42pm
Joined: 22 Feb 2008

The worst is sorta "who would mock the show the most by thier continued presence" if I understand it correctly.

But sense I take it many people here watch the show, we want to be entertained, so someone bad who is funny to watch and will sass the judges trumps someone boring in the singing and personality departments.

Perhaps it should be "vote for the most ridiculous"

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tommy2
the first step is a doozy