Catch Your Breath, Gaspy... You're the New VFTW Pick!
We've gotten tons of letters saying that David Archuleta better not win American Idol. He's annoying, he can barely form a coherent sentence without gasping for air and laughing nervously, he sings the same thing every week while getting more nervous, he forgets the words on a regular basis, and he's controlled by his obnoxious stage dad. So wait... that makes him the worst. Hey, there we go! Obviously less talented and less marketable than Syesha and David Cook, Gaspy is the new VFTW pick! Sure he's annoying, but that's why he's perfect. Most of America does not want him to win. Imagine an Idol winner who couldn't aspire to be much more than a less-talented Clay Aiken. Imagine an Idol winner whose press tour would take 20 minutes to answer a single question. And just imagine the type of sappy ballad that the producers already have lined up for David to record, dripping with extra cheese and terrible melisma. We smell failure! Hopefully this won't get him locked in his cage for another night. Break free, Gaspy. Break free. As an added bonus, if you sing Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss" this week, we'll love you forever. Who's working the strings now? Daddy? The producers? Or VFTW?
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HAHAHAHA! Great caricature, Laura!
Welcome to VFTW, David, where you can take all the vocal rest you need. There's lots of water here for you as well. Now listen to Dave's song choice advice; unlike some people you know, he won't steer you wrong.
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Nice pic.
Yay, we're gonna get Gaspy locked in a cage for an entire week!
Daddy will NOT approve of this!
Hello Pa Pa Archie!! Yes this is what you have turned your little boy into!! Fear not... we shall vote like sheep for the puppet!!
Great PIC!!!
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Aww shit, I better get my pint now.
But I do think hes the best choice. And perhaps being the VFTW pick will make him do something DARING!!!! to prove that hes not a snore. And that should provide us with a victory performance. Horray =)
Edit: And that caricature is amazing!
Smells like youre taking the obvious pick, thereby assuring your website a phony "win"...
dont piss on my foot and tell me its raining.
I'm completely in agreement with your choice---even though I think Syscreecha is the "worst".
Everyone predicted the ARCHULATOR from the very first day the Top 24 was chosen.
For you to pick Gaspy is going to "Save Face" for VFTW but it won't be much of a "victory" if he wins.....it was always his destiny!!!
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Weird... but I like it. Archie and Idol deserve each other. Randy and Simon deserve major scrutiny when Archie flops... which he will. Never forget that Randy and Simon washed his balls till they shined.
Thank you guys soooooooo much for choosing our Archie as your pick. We need all the votes we can get. I am so grateful to have you guys on board with us - whatever your motivations. Personally, I think he is the greatest singer I've ever heard in my life (and I've been around a LONG time), and he has inspired so many people unlike any other AI contestant in history. He motivates and inspires so many of us every day, uplifting our spirits and giving us hope that good really can prevail in our society. I hope and pray that he will be the next American Idol - he certainly is mine.
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