Catch Your Breath, Gaspy... You're the New VFTW Pick!

Posted by thefunnystone on May 8th, 2008 at 4:12 PM
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We've gotten tons of letters saying that David Archuleta better not win American Idol. He's annoying, he can barely form a coherent sentence without gasping for air and laughing nervously, he sings the same thing every week while getting more nervous, he forgets the words on a regular basis, and he's controlled by his obnoxious stage dad. So wait... that makes him the worst. Hey, there we go! Obviously less talented and less marketable than Syesha and David Cook, Gaspy is the new VFTW pick! Sure he's annoying, but that's why he's perfect. Most of America does not want him to win. Imagine an Idol winner who couldn't aspire to be much more than a less-talented Clay Aiken. Imagine an Idol winner whose press tour would take 20 minutes to answer a single question. And just imagine the type of sappy ballad that the producers already have lined up for David to record, dripping with extra cheese and terrible melisma. We smell failure! Hopefully this won't get him locked in his cage for another night. Break free, Gaspy. Break free. As an added bonus, if you sing Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss" this week, we'll love you forever. Who's working the strings now? Daddy? The producers? Or VFTW?
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warden
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:17pm
Joined: 19 Apr 2008

"Thank you guys soooooooo much for choosing our Archie as your pick. We need all the votes we can get. I am so grateful to have you guys on board with us - whatever your motivations. Personally, I think he is the greatest singer I've ever heard in my life (and I've been around a LONG time), and he has inspired so many people unlike any other AI contestant in history. He motivates and inspires so many of us every day, uplifting our spirits and giving us hope that good really can prevail in our society. I hope and pray that he will be the next American Idol - he certainly is mine."

Wow... I really feel just terrible for you if you feel that Archuleta is the greatest singer you've ever heard in your life. Get a life!

David St Hubbins
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:20pm
Joined: 02 Apr 2008

Deserving is right. AI and Gaspy definitely deserve each other. But I don't think Archie is gonna win. He may be a decent singer and has the ability to get the tweenies to throw their training panties at him, but as a public speaker, he's a freakin' retard! Seacrust asks him a question and the dwarf practically shits himself trying to come up with a coherent answer! It's ridiculous!! "David, why did you pick that song?" "Well, I... I thought it...um, was really a fun thing...uh, I really wanted to... I had so much fun singing it and I...I just wanted to try it because I... I'm just so happy to be here and..." SHUT UP!! VFTW nailed it- the guy's a fucking puppet. Every week he's told he's safe and then he gets that look on his face like he just shit out a bar of gold. Can't wait to see this clown in 10 years...

LB987
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:24pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

or you could totally miss the point?
Your trying to fabricate what I said into something its not.. nice try.

All Im saying is that it makes no sence to me how a 'mature' adult , and I use that term loosely , would try and bring down a kid , the things you people say about him are totally out of line and immature. People just need to grow up.

David St Hubbins
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:27pm
Joined: 02 Apr 2008

Hey, you leave Gaspy's dad out of this!

Harpy
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:28pm
Joined: 22 Apr 2008

"Can't wait to see this clown in 10 years..." - David St Hubbins

My thoughts exactly. Hopefully he will have a Britney Breakdown. I love child star crash and burns =D

LB987
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:29pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

David St Hubbins ,

Oh.. Im sorry .. lets put you up on that stage in front of millions and ask you questions on the spot :)
Cant wait to hear those responses. Jesus Christ. Leave the kid alone. Get over the fact that there are actually decent and humble people in the world.

AiRE
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:30pm
Joined: 12 Mar 2008

I agree he's less marketable. But he is the favorite to win this whole thing.

If he wins it will be boredom to the max.

annie.likes.noise
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:31pm
Joined: 29 Apr 2008

I'm not sure that gaspy was the best choice, producers love him. I think that Syesha the emotional screecher would have been the better choice. But of this means gaspuleta will be put back in the cage, I'm sure next weeks show will go amazingly disasterous.

Mysterioso
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:32pm
Joined: 18 Apr 2007

LB987,

If this lip licking little Mormon piglet had any talent, he wouldn't be on a Karaoke show.

He just a little pageant queen.

thefunnystone
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 7:34pm
Joined: 20 May 2006

David St Hubbins wrote:
VFTW nailed it- the guy's a fucking puppet. Every week he's told he's safe and then he gets that look on his face like he just shit out a bar of gold.

LOL! That was awesome. And so true.