Catch Your Breath, Gaspy... You're the New VFTW Pick!

Posted by thefunnystone on May 8th, 2008 at 4:12 PM
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We've gotten tons of letters saying that David Archuleta better not win American Idol. He's annoying, he can barely form a coherent sentence without gasping for air and laughing nervously, he sings the same thing every week while getting more nervous, he forgets the words on a regular basis, and he's controlled by his obnoxious stage dad. So wait... that makes him the worst. Hey, there we go! Obviously less talented and less marketable than Syesha and David Cook, Gaspy is the new VFTW pick! Sure he's annoying, but that's why he's perfect. Most of America does not want him to win. Imagine an Idol winner who couldn't aspire to be much more than a less-talented Clay Aiken. Imagine an Idol winner whose press tour would take 20 minutes to answer a single question. And just imagine the type of sappy ballad that the producers already have lined up for David to record, dripping with extra cheese and terrible melisma. We smell failure! Hopefully this won't get him locked in his cage for another night. Break free, Gaspy. Break free. As an added bonus, if you sing Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss" this week, we'll love you forever. Who's working the strings now? Daddy? The producers? Or VFTW?
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LB987
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:41pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

Oh God forbid I spelt a word wrong? Your right because calling me illiterate is the right way to win this argument? I will try to be EVER so careful from now on , now that you have your watchful eye out... oh please..like I care?

There is no way eaither of us is going to agree on anything , I think your insensitive and downright immature , and Im going to guess you dont give a shit. I dont care what you think of me , because once agian I dont give a shit eaither.
I never once said anything about this whole John Lennon , Barry Manilow bullshit your getting on with. I dont agree with that eaither. Are you just putting words in my mouth now to make a point? Shame on you.
Yes , Im glad we agree on that fact that you need to crawl out of your own ass . Im glad you've come to terms with that.
"I'd say at least half of those 13 million fans may be suffering from that degeneritive condition" hahah. Seriously ? No really? Oh okay. I should just spread the word then, Your SO right. Dont deny the fact that he is loved by millions , and for one person.. like you , that doesn't like him , 5 more love him.

oh, and did you mean .. degenerative?

Scott Baio
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:41pm
Joined: 05 Mar 2008

LB987 wrote:
If you dont like him so much then why the hell are you here wasting your time talking about something you dont even like? Its so damn sad..

Do you realize the irony of your post? Pot. Kettle. Black.

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http://notbaio.wordpress.com

Snerk
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:41pm
Joined: 20 Mar 2007

The caricature you made is kind of cute, too. I was expecting something a little crueler, so I'm glad.

What? Can you get crueler than his face? On that track, you might enjoy this:

I seriously think he's awesome and I really want him to win.

Hey! Congratulations on voting for the worst!
Yous roxs!

PoeticMurder
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:42pm
Joined: 09 Apr 2008

Go ahead and keep talking. No matter what happens Cook will get a record deal and make it further than Gaspy ever will.

Rhia
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:43pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

I'm actually older than the normal demographic that AI panders to. I don't like Archuleta for a lot of reasons. And here they are. I loathe seeing a songs melody overtaken by extraneous runs(Archuleta does that more often than not). I am not a fan of singing straight from the throat which Archuleta does all the damned time, hence the gasping for breath. In all his time singing has NO one taught him how to breathe and sing from the diaphram? His quirks on stage annoy and quite honestly I've never thought he connected with anything he sings emotionally. I told my roommate the other night that he's Data(from Star Trek Next Gen) with an emotion chip that's malfunctioning. I am hating that the judges have praised him to the skies when I KNOW he's forgotten lyrics and gone off pitch several times. He bores me silly as a singer because he brings NO personality to it.

Now all that is opinion and I am entitled to mine just as any Archuleta fan is entitled to theirs. I do think in 5 yrs or so if he wins he will do a Brittney Spears on us and TMZ will gleefully report it. And that's sad. I will agree with his fans that he HAS talent, but maybe, just maybe he shoulda waited another yr or two before going on AI. He has an awful lot of growing up to do and despite the fans assertions that his Dad is NOT a stage Dad, I'm not buying that. He needs to grow up for himself and KNOW himself before he becomes his familys meal ticket. And if he wins that aint gonna happen.

LB987
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:44pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

Scott Baio..

I believe if you read further, which I know MUST be such a task, you'll read me state that Im here becuase I actually like David and Im standing up for him because he deserves it. But spending your time writing about something you hate doesnt make any sence to me.. that seems like a waste of time
Understand ?

Scott Baio
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:51pm
Joined: 05 Mar 2008

LB987 wrote:
I believe if you read further, which I know MUST be such a task, you'll read me state that Im here becuase I actually like David and Im standing up for him because he deserves it. But spending your time writing about something you hate doesnt make any sence to me.. that seems like a waste of time
Understand ?

Yes, by wasting your time writing about something you don't like, which is us and this website. Ironic, since the same thing makes us "sad" according to your previous statement.

Understand?

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http://notbaio.wordpress.com

Harpy
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:56pm
Joined: 22 Apr 2008

Why are the fantards saying "Id like to see you get up there and be judged by millions of people"...

Obviously we know our place, and thats not on stage. If someone wants to take that risk, they are going to get ridiculed, and they should be able to step up to the plate when called upon. Stop trying to bring out our shortcomings as if we signed ourselves up to be on the show. If Gaspy is to fragile and sensitive to handle criticism then hes in the wrong profession. He is obviously brain dead and cant come up with his own thoughts on the spot. "I picked it..*gasp*.. because uhh... it was just a fun song..*gasp*..uhh and I want people to relate, and...its just a fun song, *gasp* haha."<-- not a substantial answer, sorry.

Edit: And stop using his vocal paralysis as an excuse for why he cant breathe correctly. Vocal chords have nothing to do with the malfunction of your lungs.

danimals
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:53pm
Joined: 08 May 2008

"Oh God forbid I spelt a word wrong?"
Spelt is a type of wheat. Therefore, it makes no sense to use that word in the context of your sentence.

LB987
Posted: May 8, 2008 - 8:56pm
Joined: 01 May 2008

Whatever , it swings both ways , I wont argue with you on that , if your trying to get me angry its not working..?
The way I see it is Im writing about something I like , I never used to not like this site , I used to come here and read the stuff . Most of it is good natured fun. But the things people are saying about David arnt even funny , they're just mean. So I dont see it as just comming here hating on you people , Its more of standing up for David.
Once agian.. Understand?