Randy: Oh, Ryan, my delicate flower, please partake in this taco with me as a symbol of the undying flame of our love.
Ryan: How does a taco represent our love?
Randy: It's a new Volcano Taco from Taco Bell. Hot!
Ryan: So, you're attempting to say that our love is a vaguely spicy fast food product made of the lowest grade materials available? I almost feel as if you're actually undermining the years we've spent cultivating our relationship and building a sense of trust and respect for each other, while also allowing us to surrender ourselves to marathon sessions of passionate and incredibly artful lovemaking.
Randy: Product placement, Dawg! Just eat the fuckin' taco already.
Ryan: But, Randy, what have we become if we allow our deep and meaningful unity to be bastardized and commercialized just for the sake of making an extra dollar?
Randy: Yo, check it out. We work for "American Idol". Selling out is what we do best. Yeee-uh!
Ryan: Ah. I suppose I can't argue with that. Open up, then, my love, and allow me to enjoy that super tasty Volcano Taco, now available at your friendly neighborhood Taco Bell establishment, a wholly owned subsidiary of YumBrands, Inc. As my dear sweet teddy bear Randy would say, "It's a smokin' hot lava bomb!"
Randy: Oops, while you were talking, I ate the taco. My bad, dawg. I've got a weight problem.
Paula: Randy, would you like shome delishus Grey Goosh Vodka to wash that down with? *Urp!* It'sh the besht, um, drinky winky all over the place! I... zzzzzzzzz.
Simon: You're all positively dreadful human beings, and your entire commercial delivery borders on the cabaret. I feel as if I'm on a cruise ship! Cross my heart. And speaking of "cross my heart," when my man tits are feeling particularly saggy, and I feel I need a little extra support, I only choose the Cross Your Heart bra, by Playtex! It's terrific!
This scene was brought to you by Colonel Al's Old Time Cloth Diaper Emporium. Shit your pants, and look good doing it!
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What the fuck? Well this proves it. Ryan Seacrest is straight. No self respecting gay man would ever share a taco that close with Randy Jackson.
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