I think Dave's doing the Lord's work, as evidenced by a bunch of crap I just made up:
SOPHIA GOKEY: Jesus, this is some bullshit right here. My man was all "oh honey, you're dead, I'll never love again", and a month later he's invoking both of us on a damned tv contest? It's crap, Lord. You know it.
JESUS: I know, right? Seriously, what a tool. It's cool, though. Wait'll you hear him go flat about ninety times and breathe in weird places.
SG: But, Jesus, the fundienazis are voting! Pastor Rolex is controlling interviews! My erstwhile spouse is doing that air-humping thing again!
JESUS: It's cool, Sophie. Yeah, your guy is making My believers look like gay-hating assholes, but I have a plan. There is a glamtastic rocker, to whom I gave a giant range and fuck-me eyes, but he is flawed by his lust for the glory note. Simon has turned him.
YODA: Still, there is another. Undone by the Other Worship Leader, Gokey will be.
JESUS: Yeah. That guy.
SG: Oh, well, that makes me feel a little better. Who's up to win?
JESUS: You know what? I kind of love that little Mraz-y wannabe. He's cute as a puppy, or a small pocket-sized monkey. He loves everyone. He's nice to people. And also, he likes Me a lot, but He's not an assclown about it. I mean, I'm cool and all, but for fuck's sake, y'know?
YODA: Take the crown, The Other must...
SG: If your guy loses, his wife will make that Whatevia bitchface again, though. That was funny. I think lots of people would vote for the glam just so they could see that again. Also, Simon keeps pimping him... Jesus, what will we do?
JESUS: We must call in Dave. Thefunnystone will help our cause.
SG: Yeah, that didn't work out so well for Danny.
JESUS: It worked out as I expected it to work out. Dave is totally on My side.
YODA: In finals week, only One prevail, can. Or something. Embrace us, Dave will.
SG: I get it. The glam will wail on whether he wins or not. But your other guy is kinda mellow, looks weird when he sings and is not too interesting, so he must have the votes to bring down Satan?
JESUS: Satan, Simon... whichever. VFTW can take it from here - My work is done. I have, like, wars to deal with and some smiting to get done. Pastor Rolex has been on my smite list for, like, months. I'm out.
Sometime later, probably in the shower...
DAVE: I dunno, I suddenly just can't bring myself to put Lambert as the pick. Let's go with that other guy... what's his name again?
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Joined: 02 Apr 2007
Joined: 16 May 2009
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
But most importantly, the show has become such a ridiculous vehicle to promote everything Adam Lambert, it has gotten sickening. Simon Cowell literally begged people to vote for Adam. The guest performers wear Adam's name on their clothing. Adam performs terribly and the judges praise it anyway. All the while, that other guy has been building a steady fanbase of people who are tired of doing what the show tells them they have to do. So we say vote for the other guy who blends into wallpaper. He may not be interesting, but VFTW's creed says we have to vote for the person the producers and audience would hate to see win. It's a long shot, but if the other guy pulls off the win, Adam Lambert's fans would be furious. The judges would be angry. The record execs would be forced to sign White Bread Guy. It's perfect. Adam will be signed by 19E whether he wins or not. Let's also force them to sign the other guy.
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