The Dictionary of the Plants of American Idol 8... So Far

For those of you joining us for today’s season premiere of American Idol, let us catch you up. We’ve been doing our research for the past few months to bring you the skinny on the plants of American Idol 8. Here’s a who’s who of the usual suspects who will be competing for your votes this year, along with some wilted plants who didn’t make it. Use this like a scorecard so you can check off the forest as the plants appear on the show.

Plants Who Are in the Top 50

Name: Brent Keith Smith
Audition City: Unknown
Why He’s a Plant: He’s already came in sixth place on Nashville Star 2, had music videos played on CMT, and sang the theme song to the movie Dale. That’s a super plant if you ask us.

 

Name: Adam Lambert
Audition City: Unknown
Why He’s a Plant: Even though we love him (because he’s crazy), he has appeared in The Ten Commandments at the Kodak Theatre opposite Val Kilmer and also collaborated with composer/guitarist Monte Pittman (who has worked with Madonna).

 

Name: Kendall Beard
Audition City: Unknown
Why She’s a Plant: She was discovered by Grammy winning producer Jeffrey Weber in Los Angeles.

 

Name: Taylor Vaifanua
Audition City: Salt Lake City, Utah
Why She’s a Plant: She’s a background dancer from High School Musical 2 and was on some local Utah show called Create the Group where she formed a singing group called 4 Real.

 


Plants Who May Still Be in the Running

Name: Joanna Pacitti
Audition City: Unknown
Why She’s a Plant: After her public rejection from the Broadway play Annie (and subsequent lawsuit), Joanna then had plenty of music business opportunities like singing on the Legally Blonde soundtrack, the Bratz movie soundtrack (and that song was even covered by Britney Spears this year), and releasing a few failed singles while signed to Geffen Records. She's not just a plant, she's a sequoia!

Name: Kristen McNamara
Audition City: San Francisco, CA
Why She’s a Plant: She also came in 6th place on Nashville Star (is this some kind of pattern?) but she was on during season 4. She seems to be a pop singer, meaning she used Nashville Star for publicity, and she has also worked with NSync and Britney Spears producer Chris Trevett. It also seems she got big ol’ titty implants.

Name: Tasha Valentine
Audition City: Phoenix, AZ
Why She’s a Plant: She’s another Nashville Star contestant (10th place during season 1). But since being on the show, she totally butched up and became much more entertaining and fun. Maybe we’ll like her if she makes it far enough?

 

Name: Jackie Mendez
Audition City: Unknown
Why She’s a Plant: She’s another reject from Kara DioGuardi’s previous failed show, The One, like Syesha Mercado. She was signed to Elektra Records at the age of 17 and performed with Ricky Martin in the past.

 

Name: Raquel “Sarah” Houghton
Audition City: San Francisco, CA
Why She’s a Plant: She’s Dane Cook’s ex-girlfriend and the lead singer of a band called The Valli Girls. She must be pretty desperate to bang Dane Cook for fame.

 

Wilted Plants

Name: David Osmond
Audition City: Salt Lake City, Utah
Why He’s a Plant: Duh… the guy is Donny and Marie’s nephew, and he’s the lead singer of Osmond Second Generation. We heard he was cut in Hollywood though. Thank God! This guy would have taken plantiness to a whole new level.

 

Name: Danielle "Danii" Roundtree
Audition City: New York City
Why She’s a Plant: She’s the current Miss New York USA, and she does an awesome Flavor of Love impression. We think we would have liked her, but she was cut in Hollywood.

 

Name: Emily Wynne-Hughes
Audition City: Phoenix, AZ
Why She’s a Plant: Her band, Go Betty Go, just finished touring Europe and Emily was just at Quentin Tarantino’s birthday bash. What the hell do you need Idol for then? She was eliminated in Hollywood.

 

Name: Michael Castro
Audition City: Unknown
Why He’s a Plant: He’s Jason Castro’s brother. Guess Beasty Cash-Ho needed to pimp out another kid for free computers? Luckily, he was cut in Hollywood.

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Lint_Licker
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 9:51pm
Joined: 08 Mar 2008

I wouldn't mind if Kristen McMammaries makes it to the voting rounds.

AI going through Nashville Star's garbage bin confirms that the latter is the superior show.

Jrg191989
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 10:46pm
Joined: 08 Jan 2009

What if a plant actually wins this year!? That would f'n suck! If they do or say last season if Carly won, what would you do? Would you start a protest?

JoshN
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 10:54pm
Joined: 29 Nov 2007

Damn at the plants this year. There's probably more! Kristen's tits are huge. Simon loved her I bet. She has had some major work done since 06. Joplanta is the biggest plant imo. If a plant wins this year, I will email the producers and demand a recount because all of these plants suck.

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Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the plantiest of them all?

stingray11214
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 10:57pm
Joined: 03 Feb 2007

It's been said elsewhere, AI has given up on amateurs. They are going plant because they believe people want to be entertained with bad train wrecks. But, "Idol" shows worldwide are suffering a downturn. Many are being canceled because they are just not getting the talent from the amateur level. Those amateurs that are good are bypassing "Idol". The ones who are getting one are either colossal failures, or those who want to get into acting. VERY FEW decent singers are getting on.

Moxie
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 11:08pm
Joined: 10 May 2008

What the hell kind of Ten Commandments production starred Adam Lambert and Val Kilmer?! That must have been hilarious! Can't wait for the new season to start and the VFTW fun to begin. ;)

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“I really don’t want to go there. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.” Jerry, Boston Legal, 4/14/08

"Ambition is the last refuge of failure." -- Oscar Wilde

Starbuck
Posted: January 12, 2009 - 11:47pm
Joined: 07 Jul 2008

It was a crap fest version of "The 10 Commandments" which was somehow produced by fashion designer Max Azria and also started that idiot girl from "Curly Sue".

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bucleigh
Posted: January 13, 2009 - 12:12am
Joined: 08 Sep 2008

RE: Brent Keith Smith...

What in the hell is Nashville Star 2? CMT? And a movie called Dale? Seems like your first plant has really been potted in high profile fame. You need some fresh air funnystone...take a walk. You could use a bit of sun...finally watched the utube clip on Letterman. Your nose isn't so big but you sure are short and pale.

BeckEye
Posted: January 13, 2009 - 12:23am
Joined: 20 Feb 2008

Good Lord, all of those Osmonds look the same.

I remember Kristin McNamara from NS. She was very Britney-esque. In other words, she wasn't a very good singer.

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Idol recaps and inane pop culture ramblings - http://thepopeye.blogspot.com

Smartie
Posted: January 13, 2009 - 4:05am
Joined: 02 Apr 2007

Haahaaa flaming Cashho is cut.

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purpledarklighter
Posted: January 13, 2009 - 5:25am
Joined: 19 May 2008

Great article!!! I'm still pretty sure we'll find a few more plants that they've been hiding from us.