STP's Canadian Idol Freakshow
Canadian Idol 6 Episode 2 - Auditions, Part 2 - It's Fetus Day!!!
The moment all Worsters have been anxiously awaiting for two years has arrived as we finally get to see the most mysterious VFTW legend ever The Fetus (pictured, left) sing, or at least move, like a healthy Fetus should. It's taken CTV News Anchor Lloyd Robertson 40 years to become Canada's Most Trusted Man, and he decides to flush that down the toilet with one quick yank as he gives a very feminine fake celebrity audition which has me thinking Anderson Cooper might not be the oldest gay anchorman around. And Lloyd must have known that that's what CI looks for in its male contestants as we prepare to meet one of the greatest parades of freaks, trannies and Chicks With Dicks VFTW has ever seen, but what else would you expect from mine and Montana's hometown of Montreal! And if that's not enough, we'll also be making a stop in Winnipeg, where Cher Mandael will have one final chance to prove she can sing!
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Canadian Idol 6 Episode 1-Auditions, Part 1-TONCA's a Big Fat Liar
Canadian Idol's back with an endless supply of fame whores willing to humiliate themselves before an entire nation for 4 months for the chance to sell 5000 records. And CTV starts off by reminding VFTW that the show is completely rigged by producer John Brunton as they replay Brian Melo stealing the CI5 title from true winner and VFTW legend Jaydee Bixby. But Brunton's schemes last year pale in comparison to the group of ringers he's brought in this season as he makes one final, desperate attempt to save his show (and ass). But VFTW, and maybe Earl Stevenson (pictured left), have a big surprise for him.
Canadian Idol's Back...VFTW-proof THIS!
While many may argue what is the hardest job in the World (being President, working with kids, answering VFTW mail), there can be no doubt that the easiest is mine having to come up with humiliating things to say about contestants on Canadian Idol. And while CI may be walking the green mile towards its death, the sneak peek we've gotten at this year's Top 22 has shown us that they're going to do it in style, with all the freaks, trannies, skanks and gender ambiguous contestants any Worster could ever dream of. Read on for a preview of the fame whores we get to mock this coming summer (before forgetting about them this Fall) starting this Tuesday, June 3...
CI5 Episode 31: Final Show & Results: "AssHat"
After 10 000 fame whores, 198 desperate wannabes, 22 posers and 10 fat pigs (and one very bald producer), it's finally time to find out who'll be making the CD the CTV staff will be using as drink coasters in 6 weeks. Brunton has completely moved the goal posts as he installed his puppet judges and host but VFTW has evened the playing field (and taken a giant piss on it) as we prepare to see the culmination of all the power, money and resources we've accumulated in Canada this year as we prepare to celebrate our GREATEST VFTW VICTORY EVER!1!F.U.CTV!1!
CI5 Episode 30: Top 2 Perform: "Zack and Jake, Go F*** Yourselves"
Holy crap, tonight sucked. What did Canada do to deserve this Final 2? I'm way too giddy/drunk to do a regular blog right now and I'm going to do a major one tomorrow night but just wanted to put this up to make a couple of points and so we can slur Brian.
I have never seen a con job like the one we saw from the judges tonight. While Jaydee didn't exactly burn up the stage, Brian was just as awful. The judges completely sold out to Brunton in one final attempt to save this show. Zack, Jake, how can you look yourself in the mirror after tonight? Everyone sees right through you and the noobies are joining us left, right and center.
CI5 Episode 29: Top 3 Results: "Prime Minister Della Terza?"
The pressure's on as our Idols are competing for a spot in the finale and the chance to make a flop record and fade into oblivion by November. But that's nothing compared to the pressure CTV and Brunton are feeling knowing that VFTW has completely taken over this trainwreck, is choosing the songs for the Idols and may just be powerful enough to get an Elvis impersonator into next week's finale.
CI5 Episode 28: Top 3 Perform: "Sabotage!"
It's time for VFTW to flex its muscles (and money and power) and further sabotage this show as we choose the songs for the Idols. For a moment, I think George Hamilton is hosting tonight but I eventually realize it's just Ben looking deathly ill. CTV has long ago run out of living acts (and a deceased one last week) to mentor our Idols, so we're down to the bottom of the barrel...Sass. Zack says our Top 3 is as diverse as the rest of Canada, unless you're anything but pastey white.
Round 1-Brunton Sabotages Jaydee And VFTW
Jaydee Bixby
CI5 Episode 27: Top 4 Results: "...Some Paul Guy..."
For every action, there's a reaction. On Monday, our four Idols humiliated themselves by doing standards for the first time in their life. VFTW reacted by endlessly mocking them and now it's time time for Canada to react by pushing another one of these losers off the roof. But not before this cut Idol runs Canada's Ring of Humiliation known as elimination night.