Jordin Sparks
Jorbacca's God is an Awesome Battlefield
Jordin Sparks Premieres Her New Song "Battlefield"
Jorbacca's new song "Battlefield" has leaked. It seems very radio friendly, so it'll probably become a hit. It's kind of catchy, but the annoying synthesizers in the chorus will get old really fast. And if Jorbacca is worried about a battlefield, she should probably stop provoking Mothra and eating the poor citizens of Tokyo.
American Idol Trading Cards? Seriously?
Because American Idol wants to steal more money from kids, Fremantle has partnered with Upper Deck to put American Idol contestants on a new series of trading cards, available April 21. There are 138 cards in all. Cards will probably include a scratch and barf Constantine Maroulis, a much smaller than real life Jorbacca Sparks card (so the card wouldn't have to weigh 10,000 pounds), and a Jason Castro card that steals your money while you sleep. but we think the Paula abdul card (left) is a gross misrepresentation. Where's the slurring? Where's the vodka? Where's the ridiculous outfit? Worsters would obviously create a much better deck of cards, so post yours in the comments if you come up with anything better.
Jordin Sparks Records More Crap
Jorbacca recorded some new songs that suck, so we figured we'd warn you before they snuck up on you and were played to death on the radio when tweens overrequest them. Above is sample of "Walking On Snow (Falling Through The Ice)", and you can also listen to snippets of "Let It Rain (I'm Thirsty)", "Papercut (From My Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese Wrapper)", and "Faith (That My Quadruple Layer Cake Is Almost Ready)".
Jordin Sparks at the 2009 NBA All Star Game
Well, she's wearing sleeves. But she still looks like shit. The buttons on that skirt are going to pop any minute. And did she have to end the National Anthem in such a terrible manner? (yes, the whole thing was terrible, but the end was especially so)
Jordin Sparks sings the National Anthem at the NFC Championship Game
See, Jorbacca? If you wear appropriate clothing, you look much better. Please do us all a favor and keep it up.
Jorbacca Terrorizes Internet Users
It seems Jorbacca has now taken to making stupid videos online of herself and her brother dancing. Maybe she ran out of small countries to snack on before lunch?
It's a Lot Heavier Than I Thought
Jorbacca just won Favorite Combined Force (with Godzilla) at the People's Choice Awards. She's HUGE. She won and made everyone on the stage look tiny. Stop wearing those dresses, you look like a cow. Video here.
People keep pointing this out to us, and we had to laugh because it's true. Jordin Sparks' new song "Battlefield" is just a rip off of a Christian song called "My God is an Awesome God". Listen to the chorus of Battlefield and then My God is an Awesome God. They're the same damn song. Either she's doing her preachy thing again or she's stealing music now. Maybe she thinks she's Daughtry?