Prof. Chan's Grading the Idols
Idol Season 9 Finale Post-Game Analysis: It's a VFTW Shocker!
Final 2 -- Kara Sucks and Randy is a Big-Fat Moron, but you already knew that.
So here we are, the Penultimate episode of Idol Season 8, and the last competition episode. Tonight gave us still more proof that Kris Allen (who?) is a gamer. He went head to head with Adam Glambert and in my humble opinion, he came out on top. Lambert brought his usual professionalism to the show so there really weren't any surprises. Of course this being American Idol, we were punished with 5 mid-tempo ballads including the Worst Song I've Heard Since Last Year's Idol Winning Song.
Final 3: Gokey Goes Down!
How the mighty have fallen. Oh, Idol you fickle bitch. You anointed Gokey the chosen one, raising him up to the heavens and then WHAM! Back to Milwaukee, Four-Eyes.
Our VFTW Pick is gone, only to make us laugh with derision as he gets the inglorious boot. So our Final Two is Adam Glambert-Our-Very-Next-American-Idol-Because-Simon-Said-So versus Kris Allen (who?)
Well, let's get to our Post-Game Analysis -- Random Thoughts Style.
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-- Paula once again shows her professionalism by showing up 7 minutes late to her own show. Basically her one job on the Results Night is to show up and sit down and even that is an iffy process.
Final 3: Kara's An Idiot and Simon Hates Her.
Welcome to the Final Three Week. I can't say that I was all that excited for the "Judges pick a crappy song, Idols pick an even crappier song" themed night. And after experiencing it, I am even less excited to suffer through the 18 hours of the Idol Final next week. Since the judges all but anointed Adam the champion this week any thrills for the Finals have been killed. I'll still watch, hoping for a Tatiana/Normund duet... and some VFTW moments when the Idols get out-sung by their older, more famous and more desperate duet-partners. Simon practically begged us to vote for Adam. But then again, the Idol winners have been a foregone conclusion ever since Clay Aiken nearly uprooted Ruben as the people's champion, no small feat uprooting the Velvet Teddy Bear after inertia sets in.
Final Four: Post Game Analysis
Final Four: Post Game Analysis
In true Idol suspense-killing fashion, as soon as Kris is told he's the first Final Three-er safe, the countdown to Allison's booting was a foregone conclusion.
Even bringing back Mr. "Shocking Idol Elimination" Chris Daughtry to tease an early booting for Adam went for naught as the presumed front-runner Lambert was sent into the Final 3 soon after Kris Allen (Who?) Really the only rationalization for Allison staying was that the "Producers don't want three guys in the Finals." Nope. Clearly they don't care.
Other than that it was a long uneventful show, so I'll power through in Random Thoughts Fashion:
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Final Four: I Wanna Rock!
Rock Night on Idol was surprisingly painless. I was expecting a giant stink-bomb, but aside from Gokey rewarding our VFTW voting block by taking a dump on the stage musically and physically it was a well-sung night. Also, Idol duets was a long-time coming (and something I thought was a good idea several years ago.) It definitely separates the men from the children, and both songs were well sung, if not really choice Duet Songs, but more on that later.
Final 5: Post-Game Analysis
Final 5 Results: Post Game Analysis
This was your basic bog-standard Idol Results show. Bad car commercial, bad group sing (Duke Ellington is NOT happy.) Not one but three pointless guest performances. And a foregone conclusion booting.
And with even fewer people to dramatically draw out, place on couches or send to the "right side of the stage" there's even more dead space to fill with "behind-the-scenes" videos, and more judge nattering and self-congratulating. This hour was punishing.
I will run down the very few interesting moments in my Random Thoughts Style --
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Final Five -- Glambert Shines, And Other People Sing
"Rat Pack" night threatened to put me to sleep and keep me there if not for the awesomeness of Adam and his wildly entertaining, 100 miles over the top performance of "Feeling Good."
Jamie Foxx as an inexplicable vocal coach was helpful and amusing and he was willing to put up with Gokey's garlic and sardine breath. Also, the show has a manageable 5 singers and is only an hour long. So yay for the small things.
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Kris Allen -- "The Way You Look Tonight"
HOWDY CLASS,
Tonight, as you may have noticed, is the Season Finale of Idol 8. Yay. Tonight's finale promises to have epically bad singing, embarrassing celebrity duets and Nourmund Gentle and Tatiana both perform. And for a change the Idol Finale is Terrible-Funny instead of just Terrible-Terrible. And the results are a pleasant, genuine surprise. VFTW!!!
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You'd think by the Finals the Professional Idol Tech crew would have their shit together. But nope, 6 minutes in and we have our first technical glitch as Kris' mic isn't turned on when he tries to answer Seacrest's stupid question. How hard is it to turn on a mic people? Nice work, bosy.