Ranking the American Idol 8 Top 36 on Their VFTW Potential

So we have a lot of VFTW love this year. The contestants must really want our support. And it’s amazing! And since I sure as hell am not writing a recap of the chair episode, and since I already had the top 36 list before the episode aired, I put together a list of the current contenders. They all receive a grade from A+ (Tatiana) to F- (Danny “I Can’t Stand to See Him Again” Gokey) based on their V FTW potential. 13 contestants received a C or higher, meaning over 1/3 of these people could easily become the VFTW pick. And we could have some surprises. So without further ado, here is the list of people that we’ll most likely be voting for during the next 14 weeks.

Tatiana Del Toro – A+

From her overdramatic personality to the fact that everyone within a 10 mile radius seems to grow to hate her, Tatiana can do no wrong for me. I haven’t seen such venom against a contestant since Sanjaya. The viewers hate her. The judges hate her. Is she too VFTW? Anyway, she’s won me over and it’s going to take a freak of nature for us not to vote for her.

Nick Mitchell – A

He comes out dressed as an alter ego that invokes Elton John. Do I really need to say anything else? He seems to only be on the show to cater to VFTW, and I’m cool with that. Simon also hates him, and the judges want him to be Normund Gentle during the show. Praise Saint Antonella! The only reason he doesn’t have an A+ is because he takes the show seriously sometimes. Stop doing that! Always come out as Normund.

Von Smith – A

He sings over the top and makes ridiculous faces. He hasn’t had a good performance yet and everything he does makes no sense. Paula even is encouraging him to overact some more. This guy will likely have no real fans besides us. But he might have an inclination to try to play it safe and not act crazy after seeing himself in Hollywood. Let’s hope not.

Nathaniel Marshall – A-

He brings drama everywhere he goes. He looks ridiculous. He sings decently sometimes. But let’s forget the last one and remember he brings the drama and looks ridiculous. He’s also an attention whore who has 10,00 pictures of himself online. And that’s just how we like our contestants at VFTW. He’s also pimping out a sob story to get himself further on the show.

Alexander Wagner-Trugman – B+

He looks like a nerd and sings like Clay Aiken. He might be ranked lower, but I feel he has a sense of humor about him and he might bring it out. He’s probably cannon fodder, but I could see Alex playing to the VFTW crowd.

Kristen McNamara – B+

The judges told her that her style is terrible and that she’s ugly. She opens her mouth gigantically when she sings and looks like she’s going to swallow the microphone. She seems to make people hate her everywhere she goes. This is a VFTW dark horse if I’ve ever seen one. If she can truly shine for us, I can see Kristen making the site proud.

Anoop Desai – B

Anoop seems like he’s got a great sense of humor. He looks like he’ll talk back to the judges if he doesn’t agree. But he seems to be fading on the show. He really needs to ramp up the fun if he wants to be considered as our pick.

Adam Lambert – B-

He seems to be embracing more of the Adam that we saw on YouTube and less of the boring Adam that the producers want. If he can keep his flame burning bright and let his freak flag fly, we could eventually end up supporting him.

Jackie Tohn – B-

Jackie has a fabulous personality, but no one really hates her. If she can bring the Brenna Gethers style antics and also turn off the tweens with her unique singing style, I could see VFTW supporting her. It’s going to be interesting to see what she does. I really dig her.

Jesse Langseth – C+

Before tonight, I was torn on her. But Simon told her that she has no chance of winning and that’s like a VFTW rally. She’s also the younger sister of an already famous singer, so if we can piggyback off that vote, we could produce some great results.

Allison Iraheta – C+

As much as she’s had no presence on the show, that video of her on the other show she was on makes me think she could really have a train wreck performance. She might just be cannon fodder though. I have a feeling she’ll surprise us in a VFTW way.

Scott MacIntyre – C

As if you didn’t know the guy is basically blind, let me remind you. He’s blind. That aside, his vocals are subpar and his piano playing isn’t very good. He can ride the sympathy vote with us for quite a while if he can just continue to perform poorly. And hey, it would be great to see him in the group numbers trying to dance and bumping into the others. I know. I’m going to hell. But I bet Scott can laugh at himself.

Jasmine Murray – C

She’s a terrible singer who breathes louder than Gaspy. Plus, she looks like an tranny alien. A tranalien if you will. But with the amount of screen time she has, the producers clearly want her in the top 12. So she’ll be pimped heavily at first. When that turns around and the producers want her off the show, she’ll be coming back around to VFTW territory.

Casey Carlson – C-

She’s a really bad singer and she takes pictures of herself in a bikini. Sure, it was for charity, but I’m seeing shades of Antonella. If her image can get her farther than her singing, I could see supporting her.

Kendall Beard – C-

A pretty blonde who can’t sing very well. VFTW has done this before, but hey, we’ve also voted for about 10,000 17-year old boys who can’t sing too. We’re just consistent. Plus, think of the jokes we can make with her last name.

Matt Breitzke – C-

Dude looks like someone from To Catch a Predator, not American Idol. But he may have a sense of humor. If nothing else, he’s Scott Savol-esque since he looks nothing like a pop star and would piss off the tweens eventually. His look along earned him plenty of VFTW points.

Matt Giraud – D+

I think he’s terrible, but he also might be the chosen one at this point. He’s been featured just enough that the producers seem to want him in the top 12, if not much much higher. So that loses him plenty of Worster points. He can gain them back by continuing to sing like a nasaly cat in heat though.

Stephen Fowler – D+

He forgets the words a lot, but he does seem very talented. That’s not very VFTW to me. Maybe if forgets the words each week, I’ll revisit this.

Jorge Nunez – D+

I like his personality, but there’s not much else to notice about him. Hopefully he can take a page from Von Smith’s book and start camping it up too.

Kai Kalama – D+

He’s boring, but he can’t sing very well. So eventually he might convince me to think he’s VFTW worthy. John Stevens didn’t have a personality either.

Megan Corkrey – D+

Even though Simon seemed to have a spontaneous orgasm over her during her audition, she seems like the kind of girl who won’t put up with bullshit for long. She’s also quirky and could end up being entertaining. But if she goes the other way and plays nice, she’s a lost cause.

Ricky Braddy – D

We haven’t seen this guy yet, but from the clips shown tonight, it looks like he could have a sense of humor. Bring it, Ricky.

Joanna Pacitti – D

As much as she’s a plant, she’s terrible. She forgets the words every single week. If she can keep that up, I may eventually feel some support for her. We hate her and many Idol fans hate her, but you can’t deny that forgetting the words is hilarious. Remember Gaspy and Brooke?

Alexis Grace – D

She’s far too boring to be considered unless she actually makes love to her husband on stage like Kara suggested.

Brent Keith – D

He’s a plant, but he’s not that good. So where does that leave him? Probably in Kristy Lee Cook territory. I’ll probably spend the first half of the season hating him, then we’ll support him in the second half when people like Tatiana are gone. Shouldn’t someone with so much experience be a better singer?

Stevie Wright – D

She’s as boring as a post, but the video of her singing Jonas Brothers songs makes me think that she’s not nearly as good as the judges think she is. So maybe she’ll tank.

Michael Sarver – D

Boring. Decent singer. Not attractive. That’s the only thing really VFTW about him right now.

Jeanine Vailes – D-

We haven’t seen her sing a note. And that isn’t her fault. But the only thing worse to VFTW than being good is being boring. And clearly she didn’t bring the drama to entertain us or the producers would have shown it. Jeanine will have to work overtime to be considered. But maybe she’ll surprise us.

Kris Allen – D-

Decent singer. Good looking. Definitely cannon fodder.

Mishavonna Henson – D-

I got nothin’. She seems nice and has a good voice.

Lil Rounds – D-

She screeches everything and sounds terrible. But the judges love it. And if the judges love her, we can’t. I do love her name though. And I’ll still make Lil jokes for the entire season.

Taylor Vaifanua – D-

She’s just another Jorbacca. Lord knows we don’t need that. No one does. Out with her.

Ju’Not Joyner – F

Borrrrrrring. I even saw his audition and don’t remember it.

Arianna Afsar – F

She’s far too nice and actually has a good voice. It’s just not happening.

Anne Marie Boskovich – F

This girl is so incredibly boring that the judges had to concoct a storyline for her. I would be shocked if she becomes a VFTW pick… ever.

Danny Gokey – F-

Sure he’s terrible, but can the show stuff his sob story down our throats any more? Definitely not the VFTW pick unless the judges turn on him at the very, very, very end of the show. And even then, I’m not seeing it.