Elevator Episode: I watched it. I know, I'm so ashamed with myself.

I was dragged kicking and screaming to this episode and I have to pay the consequences.  But since I took the bullet you guys don't have to.

The big twist tonight was that the Evil Idol Producers concocted a dirty trick that's even worse than locking a bunch of people in a room for hours with no furniture.  These Sadistic Bastards decided to have spontaneous and random a capella sing-offs between contestants.  As Ryan called them, "uncomfortable and awkward moments."  But it was more like sick and demented screwing with people.  Also, they usually pitted singers against their best friend, or their exact double.  It was sick.  But it didn't add any drama to the show.  Usually it was Singer A with major drama and backstory footage versus Singer B who we've never seen before.  Gee, I wonder who is going home.

Ryan promised that we'll be voting and whittling down the Final 36 over the next 3 weeks (I guess that's when the REAL Final 12 starts.) so expect lots of terrible singers to stick around awhile.  VFTW Victory!!!

Here is the list of singers for Voting Show 1.

1. TATIANA DEL TORO!!!  And 11 other people...  Just kidding.  Anoop is singing too.  We all know Anoop got enough pimpage to survive this week so we'll probably be voting HEAVILY for Tatiana.  We'll need to VOTE HEAVILY to keep her around until Week 2.

Other notable people singing next Tuesday: Casey BOOBS Carlsen, Stephen "Mighty Fine 'Fro" Fowler and Jackie Tohn.

There's several more singers who we don't give a damn about, and also pink 'n' blonde-haired Alexis Grace who might suck.  She cries over missing her daughter while in Hollywood.  I'm pretty sure they have babysitters in Hollywood, Alexis.

Oh and Danny Freakin' Gokey.  Who is THAT guy?  Have we seen him on TV yet?  (Joking)

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Did I mention Tatiana was awesome tonight?  She was wearing an ugly dress that made her look fat and ugly Paula Jewelry.  She made it, of course.  Then she hit one continuous shrill wailing of "ohmygodohmygodohmygod."  Then after she goes into the waiting room and screams some more Drama Queen Nate gives her a priceless look of horror, as if to say "This bitch FREAKING MADE IT?"  Awesome.  

Tatiana also gets the funniest line of the night.  When they show her montage of freak-outs after advancing each round she gets off this astonishing revelation: "This is for all the guys that said I had to sleep with them to get my album made."  Why was that cut from previous broadcasts?  Hysterical.

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Another good moment occured when Kristin "Big Mouth" McNamara went up against some acceptible blonde singer in a sing-off.  During discussion Simon kept cracking a joke about "putting the attractive one through."  Kara got all uppity and said: "Oh, great, so we should just put a bunch of models through?"  Then Randy guffaws: "That'll be a great idea-- I mean, uh..."  I didn't think it was possible but I'm pretty sure Randy is getting dumber.  

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Lil Rounds might possibly have the worst hair of the night.  She's got this pineapple looking hacked-up poof in the back, and a dyed-blonde swoop over half her face in the front.  Bad hair isn't enough to earn our votes, however.

Drama Queen Nate has exceptionally bad hair, too.  I would describe his look as Youngblood-era Swayze dyed-blonde mullet meets Lesbian Construction Worker.  And he's wearing TWO headbands and a face full of piercings.  Nate has a sing off, but before that we're introduced to Grandma Nate.  When they bothered to film footage of Grandma, you just KNOW Nate ain't going home.  Bye generic guy Singer B who we've never seen before!

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In a touching moment Jamar, formerly of Danny 'N' Jamar goes home.  He was pretty cool about it.  And he got an epic hug from Bosom Buddy Danny, so he'll be fine.  "I'll be voting for you, dude." he says.  Danny's look at hearing Jamar's bad news is priceless.  It's a combination of "dude, I'm shocked" mixed with "Just one more body to step over on my way to Idol Superstardom."

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A final montage gets my ire up when two random singers are sent packing.  The producers couldn't bother finding time to show them singing in any episodes but they're more than happy to exploit the unknown singers crying over crushed hopes and dreams.  Screw YOU, Idol producers.  

Also, I'm calling BOGUS on the Evil Idol Producers too, because I only counted 49 people shown tonight.  That means that 5 people sold their souls to be on TV, and they weren't even on TV.  

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Next week... SINGING.  And VOTING! Yay.

--Chan