Post Game Analysis: Semi-Finals Group #2

Posted by Professor Chan on Thursday, February 26, 2009 at 7:05 PM EST
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Well, I'm sober and hungover, but this results show is making me eye my nearly empty bottle of Night Train.  This show can drive anyone to drink. 

Why do these results show have to be so bad?  Why do so many people watch them?  Why don't the Idol fans who have so much rage and spite for certain contestants turn that same rage against THESE GODDAMN HOUR-LONG SUCK FESTS?!?!

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Now I KNOW the Idol Producers are screwing with VFTW, deliberately pitting our Worst Contender versus the Pimped Idol "Star."  After two weeks in a row, this can't be mere coincidence.  This proves that despite all of their protestations, that they really do read our site.


Oh, and Stefan the Bald German Dude on "Top Chef" was robbed.  Who doesn't want a Brown Banana Lollipop?  That's also the name of Kara's favorite naughty Toy.

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Here's the breakdown of "show."  Recap of who these losers are again.  Horribly fruity group sing-along.  My wife forced me to Fast Forward it.  More recap.  More pointless drawing out of results.  Stand here, stand there, judges natter on.  These people NEVER SHUT UP!  Please, SHUT UP!  We KNOW who they like.  It's the Adam guy.  Let's get ON with this.


My new girl Allison Irahata makes it into the Finals.  Why did I give her an A+ last night?  Sure she was strongly supported by the Idol back-up singers.  But she went from being a Violet Haired cannon fodder to Top 12 Finalist based entirely on her ONE SONG.  That deserves an A+.  She's Forrest Gumpian in her interviews, but sings like a pro, so that's worth a laugh as well.  Okay, for her one song she sang like a pro.  But I want to hear her sing again, and I can't say that of any other girl so far.


Now it's Brooke White playing piano.  She has double-jointed fingers.  She sings an unremarkable, hook-free song that just dissipates instead of ending.  Brooke wisely showcased the better two notes of her four note range, but I never want to see or hear her ever again.  Nor will I, if that's the best she can do.


Kris Allen the cute boy makes it.  Who?


Adam Lambert makes it.  He seemed rather cocky, but we like that.  He's a less effeminate Constantine with his camera-raping and boob fondling.  But he can sing.

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Next week seems to be a strong crop of Worsters to choose from... Drama Queen Nate, Adam the Nerd, Sassy Jorge rocking the silk scarf, Von "Howler Monkey" Smith, Big Mouth Kristen, Kendal "Boobs" Beard and Blind Scott, who rewards us with an awkward dance with telescoping cane prop, which he drops.  THAT will get me to watch the Group Number next week!


And I put $100 down on "Lil Rounds gets the Pimp Slot next week."

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What did you think?  Is Simon's praying to God for six hours a tad hypocritical, considering that Nick-Nourmand brings the joy?  It's time for the post-game analysis.


--Chan


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smakkkdown
Posted: 2/26/2009 at 7:45 PM Reply with quote

if ur talkin real money i'll go 100 on that, i think blind guy wil get it
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What_the_Duck
Posted: 2/26/2009 at 8:00 PM Reply with quote
Location: United States

My only theory is that they are bringing back Nick/Norman and/or Tatiana (whom I personally dislike the latter, she is annoying even if she can sing, Nick/Norman on the other hand at is funny). Because it puts people on their seats. I still have a hard time believing with how many people I've read voted, and voted thousands of times themselves that Nick/Norman didn't pull through. Hmmm that's what makes me suspicious. Again more so about holding him out until the wild card just to make people watch. I mean, it'd make next week more interesting if he was there again....

Or so I can only hope. I seriously love that guy.
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Feisty Belle
Posted: 2/26/2009 at 10:41 PM Reply with quote
Location: Kissimmee Florida

Okay, someone quickly find a betting site that allows us all to gamble and place bets on who gets the pimp spot.

I have 100 bucks to put into the pot that says Lil Rounds gets that pimp spot. Only because we havn't had a female in the pimp spot this year, OR someone of color or ethnic background.

Hell, Its AAWWWNNNN Beeyatches!
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manlambda
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 12:49 AM Reply with quote
Location: Maryland

What worries me is I could see TPTB really f-ing with us and bringing Tatitana and Normund back for the while card round and making us choose which would suck though my money is on Normund.
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What_the_Duck
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 1:06 AM Reply with quote
Location: United States

While I think both Tatiana and Normund could be back for the wild card round, I doubt the judges would put both through.

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redpaperwhale
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 2:43 AM Reply with quote
Location: Why? So you come steal my aluminum siding? No sir, not again.

I'm thinkin Little Rounds gets pimp spot... since Scotty Mac already has the blind thing going in his favor. People will know him when they vote....plus he's the shoe-in for the dudes, so they need to pimp their favorite girl, and since Joanna Pacheaty isn't here, next up is Little Rounds.

Wild cards? How about Joanna Pacheaty? As easily as they removed her, they can bring her back by stating "she was unjustly disqualified"... and wha-lah... she gets more sob story time, more sympathy votes, and she gets to skip the trecherous "3 stay, 9 go home" "fan voting", which she never would have survived with the heat of the scandal.

You all noticed that every time they eliminate a batch of hacks, they all say "you'll be going home"... Well, I'm not sure that ANY of the top 36 cuts will be there for the wild card show. I'm not bettin that, just thinkin maybe? With the talent level at an all time low.... what if they brought back some of last years cuts from the top 36 - maybe not top 12 characters, but maybe the last few to be eliminated before the final 12 were chosen. Thankfully, I can't remember them either, but why not? this crop of hopeless hopefuls is just awful. Wouldn't surprise me.... I think they have to be getting worried about who their "star" is going to be this year - I haven't seen one. Biggest success from this season will be Normund, guaranteed.
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badger
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 4:02 AM Reply with quote
Location: Tulsa, Okla,

If we are keeping score on the Top 12 so far, we have:

1- White girl

2- White girl

3- White guy

4- White guy

5- White guy

6- White guy

Let's put money on the following things!

2:1 American Idol voters pick two white guys and a white girl for the third straight week.

10:1 Voters pick two girls instead of two guys for the first time

20:1 Voters pick any minority contestant

50:1: Voters pick multiple minority contestants

And for Wild card week...

2:1 In an effort to balance out the whites, American Idol brings back mostly minority contestants for the wildcard week show.

5:1 In an effort to balance out the dicks, Idol brings back mostly female contestants.

10:1 Idol only brings back minorities

20:1 Idol only brings back women

50:1 Idol chooses at least one more white guy to fill the Top 12 via wildcard

100:1: Idol does not choose at least one minority to fill the Top 12 via wildcard

1,000:1: Idol brings back Joanna Plant in any way, shape or form - a performance, as a contestant, or a cameo in the audience

10,000:1: Idol has nothing but white people in the Top 12.

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Moxie
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 4:05 AM Reply with quote
Location: In the icebox.

If they bring back previous season's contestants the shark will truly have been jumped. Bring it on AI!

Prof Chan - Stefan was an ass. They should have dropped him last week and let Fabio stay. He would have made an excellent ambassador for the show on cheesy talk shows and whatnot. Personally, I was disappointed Carla was so moronic this week. What were you thinking girl?!

Next week Lil' Rounds will have the pimp spot and Blind Scott will be up first. Why? 1) Because they have to try to get at least one person of serious color through to the Top 12 "legitimately" and 2) Because they can just start the show with Scott being already out on stage and save at least a little embarrassment for the guy (though why they showed him dropping his cane last night, I do NOT know).
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Moxie
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 4:09 AM Reply with quote
Location: In the icebox.

badger - Are we sure Allison is technically "white"? I mean, she looks it, but looks can be deceiving. I've seen people refer to her as both Asian and Hispanic already. I Googled her last name and it says it's "Basque" and since the Internet is never wrong, I guess she is part of a radical separatist movement, which should provide plenty of off-camera drama.

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leelee25
Posted: 2/27/2009 at 4:16 AM Reply with quote
Location: Orlando

Allison was on a 'Quinceanera' talent show, wouldn't that make her a latina?
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