Final 10 Results Show: Post-Game Analysis

Posted by Professor Chan on Thursday, March 26, 2009 at 6:18 PM EDT
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Another deplorable Idol Results show.  At least we've got documented evidence of the Idol Producers acting shady and weaselly. 


They originally denied lip-syching was going on during the group suck-alongs.  Then they were forced to admit it after the insurmountable evidence, namely the Idols' incredible lack of lip-synching skills.  For 9 of you, your future is performing at amusement parks, better get practicing.


I shall now sum up the entertainment value of the show:


Crappy group Synching with no scary Scott dancing.  Boo.

Crappy Fnord commercial without Scott driving the car.  Boo.


Ruben comes out and sweats and sings a tuneless, generic and terrible "love" song.  Did Kara Dioguardi write that?  Smells like her foul work.


Smokey and Joss Stone come out and don't harmonize.  When Smokey takes his solo we realize that Joss is the sandbag in this song   because he sounds great.  Are these Creepy Old Geezer/Young Hot Girl duets going to be a weekly feature of this show?  Because I can do without any more of them.  


Stevie Wonder does a medley.  Hey, I thought nobody could do Stevie Wonder songs on Idol, dammit.  Kara has an orgasm.  What is it with Kara and Paula that they have to freak out every time a guest comes on to perform?  Oh, right, they're not used to hearing talented singers on Idol.  


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Adam is safe immediately.  So is Allison, although I don't think she's realized it even now.  She's adorably clueless.  Lil Rounds is pissed when they fool her and she thinks she's in the bottom.  Kris nearly has a heart attack.  You know the Producers are sadistic bastards.


For a moment I thought our beloved Megan Joy Cock-ring is in the bottom, but she's not.  VFTW VICTORY!


Matt The Pee-nist is teased as leaving, but he's safe and Sarver goes home.  The judges hem and haw and pretend like they're thinking about it but we all knew he was doomed.  Hell, Roughneck knew his goose was cooked.  Simon takes control and sends Sarver home with two seconds to go on America's TiVo's.  Nice job, Simon.  

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I was slightly disappointed that Matt didn't leave.  That would've bought Megan one more week of get out of jail free card.  Now we really, REALLY need to vote for the wacky Goddess of Chuck E. Cheese Dancing... and Boobs.


I'm feeling the public opinion shift to Adam winning.  But you know what, the Producers deserve a tool like Gokey to win.  He'd sell about 4 records.  


Opinions,  Strategizing,  Conspiracy Theorists, this is your time to shine.


--Chan



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SoulPatrol
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:23 PM Reply with quote
Location: Northern California

Michael "Pork Chop" Sarver can go back to the Oil Rig where he belongs!
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sassycatdiva
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:25 PM Reply with quote

Every week I get upset that they don't let Scott drive. :)

I liked how Joss Stone sang the whole song with her eyes closed just so she could avoid Stalker Smokey's creepy gaze.

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Dannys Golden Cow
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:38 PM Reply with quote
Location: Outside Gokey's kool-aid drinkin' temple, wearing earplugs.

RE: "Are these Creepy Old Geezer/Young Hot Girl duets going to be a weekly feature of this show? Because I can do without any more of them. "

I'm so glad you wrote that!! I thought the same exact thing when I heard they were singing together. Underwood and Travis last week and then joss and smokey this week. WTF? Are the producers really dumb enough not to catch that pattern. Hmmm... who's next? Barry White and Rhianna?

Subtext: okay tweens and teens, here's a lesson in how to sex it up for men old enough to be your grampa in case you wanna be a golddigger when you grow up. Gross.

ETA: And didn't Kat MCPhee marry some geezer? Maybe they'll appear on Idol next week.

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EricMidgetTurd
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:41 PM Reply with quote

Chan, did you catch what Megan said when it was she and Scott standing up? It was something like, "Do I need to direct him over there?" I chuckled a bit when I heard that -- maybe it was just my imagination.

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Franklin
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:42 PM Reply with quote
Location: Connecitcut

By far and away the best moment for me was watching Scott putting a puzzle peice into the puzzle during the Ford commercial, did no one else catch that?? I about pooped. LOL. Like the fucker could tell where it goes!

I don't care if the public switches to Adam, I will even, godforbid, fantard for Adam if it means that Sally-Jessie Gokey and his horrid glasses and crucifix don't win.

I will do anything, anything not to see the dead wife fucker win this competition!! He is a disgusting peice of poo.
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Analog_Kid
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:44 PM Reply with quote
Location: Middletown

>Manfred Westphal, a spokesman for FremantleMedia North America, which produces “American Idol” for Fox, at first denied the charge, saying on Tuesday: “The Idols don’t lip-sync, period.”

When a man lies, he murders some part of the world.
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rstlne_vanna
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 6:59 PM Reply with quote

""I'm feeling the public opinion shift to Adam winning. But you know what, the Producers deserve a tool like Gokey to win. He'd sell about 4 records.""

I agree that Gokey would not fare well on the top 40 pop charts, but I can only imagine (pun intended) that he would likely have a very successful career ahead of him in contemporary Christian music if he strikes while the iron is hot.

He needs to lose Idol to win...

So does Adam...

Allison, on the other, would probably make the better bubblegum pop recording artist Idol is hoping for...

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silverstone
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 7:08 PM Reply with quote
Location: Right beside you...

Yes... what's the deal with Matt? Why would they put that sour puss in the bottom three? So far, the Dial Idol has been pretty accurate...but, not this week. More conspiracy?? Hell yeah!

You guys have been absolutely cracking me up the last couple of days...I especially loved the line about Adam Glambert looking like K.D. Lang...PRICELESS! To me, he actually looks like a young Elvis in a couple of shots of him sneering during his tunes.

I feel like he's the winner...I can't frigging vote...but, if I could, I'd support your CAW CAW experiment...she's soooo bad though...ugh!

How do I get me an avatar??? Anyone know???
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darwin1981ph
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 7:42 PM Reply with quote
Location: USA

I can't stand looking at Joy Megan Cockring without those lovely dress she wore last week! Those oranges looks like it has lots of juices! :P
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adamglamrock
Posted: 3/26/2009 at 7:43 PM Reply with quote
Location: Florida

" I'm feeling the public opinion shift to Adam winning. "

Yeah after last night's song, but when he pulls out another diva job, it will shift again. And the producers are ready. They've got Timberfake all pimped up and now they've made sure the frauen throw some votes his way next week after they put him in the bottom three. They want Timberfake to win because he'll do their bullshit albums as they want them. Somehow, I don't think Glambert is gonna go along with all their whims. He has plenty of his own.

Thank you for saying that Joss/Smokey duet was creepy. He's old enough to be her great grandfather.

Poor Velvet Teddy Bear. He sweated like a pig and strained on his notes. I was kinda hoping Simon would critique him. Would he have gotten to the Top 10 this year?

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