Final 9: Post Game Analysis -- We miss you already, Megan. Caw! Caw!

36 million votes?  Which of the 8 remaining singers inspires that kind of loyalty now that our Songbird has Flown away?

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This was an action packed Results show, yet it still felt like it was treading water.  These things are so long and pointless.  Oh, and on last night's "Law and Order: SVU" they call Seacrest the Devil.  Awesome.  For a show that spends an awful lot of time thinking up new ways to present rape they're pretty astute writers.  

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Singing tonight, Lady Gaga.  And next week a duet from Ms. Goo-Goo and Dr. Poopy-pants.  

Tonight's Group-synch is a Cheeseriffic "Don't Stop Believin'" Journey sing-a-long.  It sounded good which just proves that Journey is indestructible.  

But the horrible lip-synching continues unabated.  They plunk Scott down on Synths (BOO!)  Scott isn't even fake-singing into the fake microphone.  He misses by about a foot each time.  (AWESOME!) And Giraud only gets to lip-synch one "Heyyy, yohhh" in the whole song (Good call, producers).  Overall, though, this was like a rejected video from "High School Musical 6: Puberty's a Bitch."  

And sadly, but triumphantly.... Megan goes down in a blaze of glory.  She makes at least a dozen avatar-worthy faces.  She busts out her signature "Caw, Caw."  She does some step'n'fetchit.  She tells Simon to kiss her ass.  "I love you Simon, but I really don't care."  Megan's goofy face when Simon chooses her "to leave" was priceless.

Megan really liked Lady Gaga's freak-show performance.  That makes sense.  After the weird song featuring violins, a piano filled with bubbles, pop'n'locking, a zipper eye-patch and random outbreaks of The Robot dance, Megan shows her appreciation by making faces like that chick with the melty face in Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun video." Then Megan does a bug-eyed scaredy-face while awaiting the final results.  Simon, as pissy as ever after the Megan diss, bitches: "We're not even going to pretend to contemplate saving you."  

So Megan is rudely booted.  She sounds so much better on her sing-off.  No, her delivery is still strange and her voice is odd, but she's less stiff and nervous and seemed more comfortable performing.  And just to flip Idol the bird, Megan even screws up the words, singing every damn note she wants to, whether they're in the song or not and gives us a mega-dose of Megan Awesomeness.

Bravo, Megan.  Hopefully now that you've escaped the evil clutches of Idol, and presumably they return your daughter that they were holding hostage until you took the dive, maybe now you can go off and record a good album and we'll buy it.  

VFTW wants to give YOU some Love, Megan.

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Some other random moments in the show that weren't nearly as awesome as Megan's bravura farewell performance.  

---We get a peek into the lives of the Idols in a long and pointless

bio video that features fake red carpet arrivals.  Wow, their lives after stardom are just as boring as

pre-stardom. 

-- Lil Rounds threatens to throw a pillow, until she realizes Scott is standing in the way.  

---Matt's phlegmy Gokey impression is pretty funny. 

--Gokey, like the guy pretending to laugh along when the joke is on him and then takes the joke into uncomfortable territory, makes fun of Matt's goat vibrato in a mean and unfunny way.

-- With Gokey's mean-spirited impression landing with a dull thud Seacrest encourages all the Idols to make fun of each other.

-- Anoop's parody of Kris is funny.  

-- Allison does a pretty good Gokey, as well

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We're on to eliminations... FINALLY!  Yawn, we get drawn out and ridiculously complicated escapades.   "Singer X, you're going home.  Don't bother singing again."  There, that took 10 seconds.  No torture and suffering.  How hard was that?

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David Cook's contractual obligation for this year is fulfilled as he listlessly sings his soporific new single "Come Back To Me" featuring these crappy 3rd grade level poetry lyrics.  

"So I'll let you go

I'll set you free

And when you see what you need to see

When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere

Picture you with the wind in your hair"

Let's see, rhyming "See" with "See" and "Anywhere" with "hair."  Yep, sounds like an Idol-produce dookie song.  Is this another one that Kara shat out while on her coffee break?

David shows that all Idol winners are also contractually obligated to lose 40 pounds... except for Ruben, apparently.  David looks positively man-orexic.  Also, Most Idols sound better after they return, but David sounds worse.  He grunts his way through the song.  If the performance wasn't so listless it would have VFTW potential.  I mean, David's practically inhaling the microphone, and he over-uses a horrible goat-vibrato that he stole from Daughtry.  A quick shot of the audience shows them sitting there bored.  Awesome.  

The cameras aren't showing the judges, so this was pre-recorded before the Live show.  But the judges have stand-ins.  How much does Randy's fat stand-in get paid?  

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--Kris is Safe.  Let's call it a Pimp-slot rescue.  

--Matt gave a horrible performance, so naturally he's safe.  

-- Gokey is safe and he introduces an Urkel-esque "Heyyy" catch-phrase just to insure that VFTW continues our hatred of him.

-- Scott gives Anoop a longing look as Seacrest drags him back to the safe couches.

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And the show ends with a tearful Megan Cock-ring group embrace.  I was saddened a little.  No more Songbird?  Who can carry her VFTW Crown?  Simon looked comatose tonight, and that's how I felt.

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Comments, conspiracy theories... predictions.  Let's hear your post game analysis.