What the Top 8 Idols Need to Do to Win VFTW's Support

Now that VFTW songbird Megan is out, we need a new pick. The problem is that none of the remaining contestants even come close to her in Worsterish tendencies. But many of them are partially there. So here's my thought. I am going to give advice to the remaining 8 contestants if they'd like our support. If you take our advice, awesome, we very well may pick you. If you don't take it, well no one likes you anyway, you big poopy heads. Without further ado, here's what the remaining contestants need to do to win the VFTW vote this week, from most likely to gain our support to least likely.

Scott MacIntyre- Dude, you're right on the verge of winning us over. Immediately when Megan left, most Worsters wanted to support you. Your sense of humor shows through whenever you talk to the judges, and people are asking why you're still around. Those are two definite VFTW traits. We need to see more during your performances though. You need to bring a sense of humor to your next song and just have fun. Pick something silly and really go for it since all of your other performances sound the same. Or just bring back the really awful vocals. They've only been gone for a week, so we know you can do it. And then you need to start playing up the fact that you're blind. Trust us. The more you play it up, the more votes you'll get. And then, the week you think you're going home, "mistakenly" walk too far and fall off the stage. That will guarantee you a spot in the top 2. Dirty tricks? Of course they are. But if Gokey can pimp his dead wife, you can guilt people into voting for you due to your handicap. It's pure brilliance. 

Allison Iraheta- A few weeks ago you were considered a frontrunner. Now all of a sudden, people are starting to turn.  Funny how that happens so fast. What makes you a good Worster candidate? We love your unfiltered personality, you're basically Megan Jr. Some of your quotes are the best on the show. We also love the clothing choices and hairstyles. Good stuff. Our only barrier to picking you is that you sing too well and the judges like you too much. So if the judges start to turn on you, you can definitely expect some support. But if you pull out the awesome vocals you're capable of, there's really no way we'd vote for you. So I guess you have to decide whether you want to have fun since it's obvious a guy will win this year or whether you want to vie for the title and ignore us. Either way, you're still a cool girl.

Anoop Desai- What you have going for you are the fact that you take yourself way too seriously and you talk back to the judges a lot. It's probably because you're an only child, but VFTW loves a nasty attitude. That's probably nothing you're doing on purpose and it's probably nothing you want to continue doing. But if you keep pairing that self-entitled attitude with some funny up-tempo songs where you try to dance and act sexy, you're going to get our support. Whether you like it or not.

Adam Lambert- This must be the first time in the history of the show that VFTW doesn't vote for the over the top, theatrical, screaming gay guy who dresses like he's in the dark. I love what you do, but then you pepper in some serious performances. That's what's preventing the VFTW support. Also, the judges seem to love you no matter what you do, and that's totally not our realm. We vote for whoever the judges hate. But your YouTube videos give me hope that eventually you'll completely queen out and never go back to boring Adam again. And at that point, VFTW will support you. I have a feeling you'll be the last VFTW pick of the season.

Matt Giraud- What in the world are you doing? Has the pimple on your forehead convinced you to throw away the pimpage that the judges have been heaping on you for weeks? Although you take yourself way too seriously on the show, your goat vibrato vocals may eventually convince us to vote for you. But you're nowhere near as in the running as the 4 people above you. So what can you do to win VFTW's vote? You need to have a sense of humor and just start having fun. Sing a Madonna song this week. Sing "Sunglasses at Night" or something. The serious stuff isn't going to win you more support since Kris Allen is stealing your votes. If you completely reinvent yourself this week, we could start to like you.

Lil Rounds- You're a terrible singer, but the judges love you anyway. I don't get it. Since they love you so much, and since the show needs a black contestant to stick around for demographics, it's unlikely VFTW is going to support you. Maybe later. What can you do? Sing "Baby Got Back" or a song about butts. You have a gigantic ass. Use it. Trust me, you'll have a lot of fun and then when the judges criticize you for the umpteenth time about picking the wrong song (while offering you even worse suggestions, since they have no taste), you can smack your ass and tell them off. Wouldn't that feel nice?

Kris Allen- Sure, you make monkey faces and you grow less facial hair than a 12 year old boy. But you're a decent singer and you have shown zero personality on the show. The only way to win VFTW's support is to radically change everything you've been doing, but you won't do that.

Danny Gokey- Don't even try. You are eventually going down and VFTW will never support you, you dead wife whoring fatass.