Denver, Can You Unbutton Your Shirt a Little? Ooh Yeah.

I know some of you may have noticed that I seem bored and disinterested with this lackluster season so far.  Well, that's because I am.  I am really ready for the Final 24 start.  I enjoy this show much more when the bad singing is supposed to be good, if you get what I mean.  The Bad Singing Auditions are pretty terrible, repetitive and after 9 seasons, they are thoroughly predictable.  What this season really needed was for Posh Spice to come back for an entire hour to punish us.  No Katy Perry or Doogie for a second hour, but Ms. Too Tanned Twig who voted for people purely based on looks and fashion sense gets another go-round?  Could this season get any worse?  I sure hope not, 'cause they're scraping bottom of the barrel as it is.

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Mark Labia -- Self-proclaimed 'Ugly Dude" doing a bad Jack Black schtick and has a fake sob story about being kidnapped by his mom.  Mark seemed like a pretty obvious Comedian plant to me, but the judges don't get that he's joking, even as he cracks up and can't keep his various lies straight.  Mark Labia is surprisingly not bad and miraculously gets a golden ticket, but sadly he doesn't make the Finals for us to vote for him.

And since singer one is "good."  Singer 2 blows.  He's Goofy Laugh Mario.  Simon mocks his laugh, but his weird army trench-coat was more frightening.  I would be careful making fun of this guy.

Shouting Danielle -- Simon calls her "Broken" and I can't argue with that.  So she gets a golden ticket.

Kacey James -- Sings like an out of tune John Mayer, but as soon as he lets down his greasy blonde hair and takes off his shirt Kara and Posh Spice have multiple orgasms.  YES!  This is what we're looking for.  More VFTW candidates like this guy.  Randy gives the deciding "Yes" vote, because he wanted to run his greasy fingers through Kacey's greasy hair.

Too Tanned Tori -- Actually sings a John Mayer song but Mariah Carey's it up.  Posh likes her spray-on tan and says she "looks cute."  She gets a ticket.  I think this is great news as she's pretty horrible, but sadly for VFTW she doesn't make the finals.

Long Snapper Austin -- Plays football and sings weirdly.  Kara decides that "You come off a bit cocky... minus the "Y"  And Momma wants me some.  Mee-ow."  Posh: "I got a bit itchy from it."  Are you sure that's not your ribs rubbing together Vicky?  

"Singing In The Park" Kenny - who declares "My singing is a public service."  You know he's going to be delusional, but when he starts singing melisma and random gibberish he gets pretty awesome.  He refuses to leave but sadly isn't tazered.

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At this point Seacrest promises us "Our most shocking auditions"  were yet to come.  So he blatantly lied to us.  

Helium Voiced Nikki -- She flew in from Florence, Italy but she should've stayed home.  Her speaking voice sounded like she was on helium, which is good, but sadly doesn't sound like one of the Chipmunks while she's singing.  So this audition was a bit of a waste.  Randy gives her a "million per cent yes." But Kara only gives her "one-thousand per cent yes."  What a mean bitch.

Haeley - She's a black country singer and she's extremely mediocre.  So she's definitely on our radar for the VFTW Finals.  Randy gives her "A hundred million per cent yes" so he's contributing about as much as Victoria "Your dress is cute." Beckham.  Which is damn near nothing.

Closing out the show is Bikini Boy, who isn't as funny as I hoped.  He begs Kara to come back and give him sex.  Don't worry, dude.  She will.  

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Tomorrow is the final Bad Singing Audition episode, so thank you Jesus.  

--Chan