CI5 Episode 10: Top 18 Results: "Canada Puts Its White Hood On"

It's time to open up the Canadian Idol dumpster once again as four more of our Idols pay the price for humiliating themselves in front of an entire Nation this week. Our host Ben, with his black outfit and orange skin, reminds me that Halloween is only a few months away. And speaking of Halloween, Sass has added some colour to her ghoustly white skin, proving she lurks at VFTW and read Deb's comment last night.

We begin with the recrap recap from this week, starting with the boys. Dwight and Matt have gained ten pounds since Monday night but Andrew is still winning the weight gaining contest they have going on by adding eighteen-and-a-half pounds in the past two days. This is followed by the recap of the girls' performances from last night, better known as The Night The Girls Got Ripped A New One. And just in case there was any doubt, Scarlett, Naomi and Annika still suck, Martha's still stiff as a rock and Montana's still Like So Whatever!1!1!One!Won!1!

We start the throat slitting with the girls. CTV (for the millionth time) shows its Worseness by pairing vicious bully Martha Joy and innocent little Montana together (again!). They're both safe (Boooo!!!/Yeah!!!) and then hug each other, just as John Brunton wrote in the script. Scarlett is next and she might as well move to the bottom of the stage before hearing her name after last night's disaster. VFTW Mistress Naomi's next and the whip's come down once again as she's in the bottom four. Khalila G wasn't in the bottom four last week, but Khalila Glanville is in the bottom this week. And after sending Black contestants Naomi, Khalila and Scarlett (who wishes she were Black) to the bottom four, Canada fully puts its white hood on by sending the decent 'Mila to the bottom group while keeping around the atonal, Aryan Annika. Carly Fake and Tara are safe and the chill between them reminds me of when Berlin had a wall.

The boys are next and CTV wants to ease the mind of VFTW right away by announcing that our Buddy Tyler Mullendore is safe!!! Clifton's next and Tyler's gayly gently stroking his shoulder as he knows Clifton's doomed. Just be sure, Tyler, to wash the orange paint off your hand before rolling your beddy-bye joint. Matt, Liam and Jaydee are grouped together and Matt and Liam are told right away that they're safe. Jaydee, meanwhile, gets Sanjayaed as Ben plays with him until he tells him he too is safe. Dwight and Andrew are next and told to join the bottom dwellers in the middle of the stage, assuming their combined weight doesn't collapse it. And if Andrew looked like Eddie Munster on Monday, tonight he's bloated into Herman. And now one of the great VFTW letdowns as we find out that Greg won't be making history tonight by being the first contestant to be eliminated twice on Idol, and on the same week at that. And CTV shows its strongest sign that it supports VFTW by making Brian Melo the final member of the bottom four, giving the final push of producer John Brunton out the window right onto the sidewalk on Yonge Street, where Montana and her escort are staying.

As we come back from break (and no more KatPee commercials; she's even flopped in Canada!), Ben asks the judges for their opinions, which are meaningless and should not take up any of VFTW's precious bandwidth. Ben removes the knives from two of our Idols' backs by telling Dwight that he'll have another week to become balder and fatter while Khalila will have to pick a third last name for her performance next week. We're left with the botom three boys, and Ben says they were absolutely fantastic this week, which Clifton vigourously nods his head to. But before his delusional daydream can end, Ben tells Clifton there's room for only one orange face on this show and Clifton's gone, at which point I set off my Fourth Of July Fireworks (Happy Independence Day, American Worsters!). Andrew doesn't seem to be effected by being cut as he's in a coma.

The girls are next and I feel like I'm watching some Canadian version of Mein Kampf as our bottom four looks like a bunch of rejects from a Dreamgirls audition while our top four looks like a group photo from a Hitler youth camp. 'Mila is safe by the skin of her 'fro. She'll have to wait till next week to be eliminated as CI can only cut two Black contestants tonight in Naomi and Scarlett. It's hard to argue they don't deserve to go but Canada proves it truly is the Great White North by placing Khalila and 'Mila in the bottom four over far more attrocious contestants such as Annika, Tara and Martha.

Instead of being humilated by having to do the sing out, our cut Idols have to try to answer a question from Ben in their greatest moment of humiliation and failure. Naomi proves she's delusional on a level VFTW can get behind by not knowing why she was eliminated. Ben asks Scarlett if she'd have done anything different. If she had asked, VFTW would've told her that she should've tried to get greater circulation of her naked pictures in the Jamaican community. And Clifton gives us one final demonstration of his stupidity by saying he didn't bring his A-game last night, despite the fact that his performance was two days ago. Oh Clifton, pretty and dumb. If only you had a vagina. Perhaps he'll marry Belinda Stronach and give Canada our very own Paris Hilton. And we finish with Andrew, who's finally awaken from the dead. Ben asks him what's next. VFTW would suggest the Al Roker diet.

Well, a bit of a bittersweet day for VFTW because while our favourite Mistress is gone, we can comfort ourselves that some East Coast sickos will start getting their regular beatings again tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, VFTW Buddy Tyler Mullendore is gaining power and, with our support, is destined to win this trainwreck, unless one of his headsnaps breaks his neck first. But now VFTW is faced with the impossible task of choosing our next female candidate and you might as well throw a dart for wherever it lands, VFTW is guarenteed to get a truly craptacular candidate.

STP (smarterthanpickler)

If you have anything to say, leave a comment, send me a message or go try to grab something from the fridge before Dwight and Matt empty it.