CI5 Episode 21: Top 7 Results: "August 7, 2007: The Night VFTW Took Over Canadian Idol!"

It's Happy Day! at VFTW as it's time for one of our Idols to be humilated in front of their family, friends and an entire nation. And based on the dopey grin on Ben's face, he either has some very happy news for VFTW or Carly Rae's finally submitted after 3 months of being sexually harassed by him. And the guests are dropping like flies as not only has Brian May refused to show up tonight, Mika has now heard about what a career-ender this crapfest is and will be catching the Canadian Idol Flu in two weeks and won't be able to show up.

As always, just to remind us why VFTW exists, we begin with last night's recrap. The Idols then get a glimpse into their futures as they meet with a bunch of extras from some stupid Queen musical. And Brian May must have a drug bill larger than Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole's combined as not only is he forced to bastardize his music in some pathetic theatre show, he's also been forced to lie through his teeth and say that he respects Canadian Idol. Our Idols then get to join the cast on stage and even in a cast of hundreds, Jaydee's Elvis legs stand out more than a brother kissing his sister on the number one show in the nation.

While the CTV producers have been teasing VFTW all night, our time has come as it's time for the group number. Our Idols start off with You're My Best Friend and Jaydee's decided that this song, like every other song, is a happy song as he has a grin larger than when he kisses his sisters goodnight. They move onto We Will Rock You and it's time for our big guest, internationally known recording star...Yvan Pedneault? Brian and Dwight are in the audience and are running around like some drunk gray-haired singer loved by 50-year-old hags who love smashing their heads against their keyboards. And Jaydee sees this as a happy song as well as he's still grinning from ear-to-ear, or perhaps he's comforted knowing that, with VFTW's support, he cannot lose.

While seeing Brian May being humilated and Jaydee stealing both his show and the group number with his Crazy Legs is all fun, it's time to get to the part of the show that gives VFTW that special feeling down there as it's time for someone's dreams to be crushed FOREVER! Dwight's safe and seems to be gaining momentum ever since he cut his hair like Dave's. And since John Brunton wasn't around this week to customize the show for her, Carly Rae is in the bottom three and a team from the Psychiatric Ward is standing by. Tara's very safe as she has two of Canada's three largest demographics wrapped up in the Newfy and Inbreed Block and is just waiting to steal the Pedophile Block once Carly's eliminated. But one block these girls will never pick up is the Aryan Hick Block as Jaydee is safe! Combine that with the largest voting block of all...OURS!...and Jaydee is your next Canadian Idol!1! And with Brunton's passing on, his son Brian has no hope of avoiding the bottom three. That leaves Greg and Matt and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out which one's in the bottom three as Greg's the most pimped contestant EVER on any Idol show while Matt's been in a two-month coma. But Brunton's gone and VFTW has completely taken over as Greg is forced to move to a place that he knows all too well, the middle of the stage.

If a picture says a thousand words, there can be no doubt that VFTW is in complete control of this show as Brunton's lovechild and his two chosen ones are standing together in loser's row. Carly is doing a better job of hiding her nervous breakdown this time around in the cellar. She can run off and see her team of shrinks as she's safe, meaning that one of the members of ship Grian is going to die a premature death. And if the Connie Boot in the Spring of 2005 was the day VFTW was born in The States, tonight will forever be remembered as the night VFTW was born in Canada as Greg, thanks to VFTW stealing away votes from him and giving them to an Elvis impersonator instead, makes Idol History by being eliminated for the second humiliating year in a row!!!

While Ben and the judges are having heart attacks, Greg is an old pro at this as he sheds a tear and gets to sing out to a stupid rock song from the 70s...again! And while Greg and his fans may be shedding more tears of sadness later tonight, VFTW is crying tears of joy as we are solely responsible for the greatest upset ever on Canadian Idol! But perhaps, as one of his fans suggested on the crazyboard, Greg is better off being eliminated tonight. Who wants another five weeks of massive exposure in front of millions of people, the $250 000 grand prize and recording contract. Who needs it! We're sure Greg will be fine and we'll hear as much from him in the future as we have from all other seventh place finishers on Canadian Idol. As for VFTW, we now have our eyes on the prize as one of our biggest impediments is now out of the way and with Brunton gone, Carly Rae and Brian are next. Stay tuned for next week's Top 6, when the theme and guest is...who the Hell knows! While the list of upcoming guests and the state of Carly's mental health are in question, one certainty is that VFTW is now established in Canada and, despite any form of logic, we, along with Canada's Aryan community and Jaydee's family, are going to make a grinning 16-year-old sister-kissing Elvis-impersonator with crazy legs the next Canadian Idol!

STP (smarterthanpickler)

If you have anything to say, leave a comment, send me a message or go tell Jaydee that VFTW's sending him off to Cashville, Tennessee!