CI5 Episode 27: Top 4 Results: "...Some Paul Guy..."

For every action, there's a reaction. On Monday, our four Idols humiliated themselves by doing standards for the first time in their life. VFTW reacted by endlessly mocking them and now it's time time for Canada to react by pushing another one of these losers off the roof. But not before this cut Idol runs Canada's Ring of Humiliation known as elimination night.

Because VFTW says so, we begin with the group number. They're doing Puppy Love and Carly's appropriately singing like a cute little puppy. Dwight has a hard time capturing the sentiment with a spike through his mouth. Jaydee has decided that Puppy Love is a song that requires a fake insipid twang. And Brian's wearing a hat.

After each of the Idols get the chance to remind us why they have no business singing standards, some Paul guy comes out and sings Put Your Head On My Shoulder. This Paul guy, whoever he is, seems very giving as when he chooses someone to dance with in the audience, he benevolently selects the fugliest woman in the crowd.

Ben's sick of lying like his father so instead of giving a specific vote count, he just tells us ...the votes poured in (liar!). We move on to the Old El Paso Recap (LMFAO!). Nothing's better for business than being associated with Dwight and Jaydee singing standards. And talking about astute business moves, nothing excites the kiddies more than a segment on salad. And we get the greatest optical illusion since Holgram Elvis as we see an illusion of Dwight eating a salad.

While nothing's more fun than seeing some ancient orange man with a rubber face sing songs like Puppy Love and segments on salad dressing, it's time for the real fun as we destroy the dreams of another one of these hacks. Our four Idols are standing together and each of the judges have the impossible task of coming up with something nice to say about this pathetic lot. Sass tells Carly Rae that she's ...touched a lot of hearts, and I say she's touched a lot of penises. Jake tells Jaydee ...with proper training, in two years you could be huge, which is exactly what BALCO promised Barry Bonds. Zack tells Brian ...very few have grown like you, but what can finally start growing are some of these Idols waistlines as Dwight's eliminated, meaning there may actually be some food in the fridge tomorrow morning. Dwight seems at peace as he says ...I made it a lot further than I ever hoped, and a hell of a lot further than I ever hoped. We get the video playout showing us Dwight's journey, his audition, his...OMG!1! MONTANA SIGHTING!1!ZOMG!1!

While watching these kids humiliate themselves all summer with mystery themes and guests has been fun, we have a very specific theme next week...Who Can Sabotage The Idols More Week. The judges will have their chance to sabotage Jaydee (and VFTW) with their pick but then it's VFTW's turn as we make our choice for the Idols to sing. And we've chosen Ring Of Fire for Jaydee. The scaryboard is officially dead. What's an IDF? Sir-Links-A-Lot is a big fat pussy. VFTW, meanwhile, continues to grow. There's no doubt we got enough votes in to easily make Ring Of Fire Jaydee's choice. All that's left is to either bask in one of the all-time VFTW Victories next week as Jaydee sings about hemerrhoids or finally expose Canadian Idol for the fraud that it is and shut down this national embarrassment once-and-for-all.

STP (smarterthanpickler)

If you have anything to say, leave a comment, send me a message or go lock up your kiddies as Kalan Porter and Jacob Hoggard are coming next week.