CI5 Episode 28: Top 3 Perform: "Sabotage!"

It's probably just me, but Jaydee actually seemed likable tonight. Fake twang and all. Someone please get some antibiotics. I need to fight this disease.

Other notes:

- Sass made some hilarious faces during her rehearsals with the Top 3. Sometimes she looked like she was half-constipated and half-shocked at the Top 3's performances. And not in the good way.

- Even if I'm not the biggest fan of Brian, I have to admit that he's turned out to be a lot better than I thought he would be.

- I adore Carly (and I know I'm the only one here who does so), but what was the hairdresser thinking in her second performance? Her hair looked awful.

- Everybody really had their A game tonight. Even with VFTW's support of Jaydee, anything seems possible for tomorrow.

<i> She likes Brian's rasp but tells him it's going to take a lot more coke and sperm to sound like hers.</i>

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHAH SO SO SO FUNNY!!!!

<i>And while becoming the next Idol (and gaining any measure of success) may not be in Carly's future, she may want to dust off this performance in a couple of years when she's old enough to enter The Jon Benet Pageant.</i>

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA *wipes tears*

Steffi D told me she can't understand why Cawwee is being compared to her.

<i>As for Carly, it is very odd how people have been comparing us both. I really wonder why! I personnally don't think we are alike... But that's me!</i>

So, Cawwwee, from me you get a <img src="http://votefortheworst.com/forum/images/smilies/antonella.png">

I cannot wait to see this in a couple hours! LOVE IT, as always, STP!

All right, new week! And this week we've sailed into some crazy uncharted waters. This week we come to our very closest to a direct confrontation with Brunton and his Love Children (besides a possible direct one in the Final Two, of course!) So let's divide the show into the two innings, we win the toss, and we put Brunton in to bat first...

*** BRUNTON INNINGS ***

JAYDEE: Well, the boy knows what he's doing. A bit of a concern he may be getting complacent since he's got all this backing (just curious to those who met Jaydee -- what did you tell him?!), but he sneers at the producers and hits a big straight drive right out of the park. It was, actually (here it comes...) likeable!

CRY-AN: In keeping with his theme, he's gone around the world singing in various incomprehensible languages. This week, we've made a stop in Arizona, where he's singing in Navajo. Which is a language even the fucking Germans and Japanese couldn't decipher during the Second World War. As for blowing the mind of Europe -- let's just say Eurovision Song Contest comes to mind.

LOLITA FAKE: I don't know what else to say but it was boring. Bland. And soft like baby food. I don't know how else to describe it to ya...

Well, Brunton's innings are over. So let's do it then...

*** VFTW INNINGS ***

JAYDEE: Mercy, that is again likeable! The twang's back, but some more of the trademark Jaydeeisms aren't there. Saving the best for last? We don't know, but still...he was genuinely likeable...TWICE!!

CRYAN: And this time we're back in English with Mr Smello. Shame that the English sounds like something at a real live Eurovision Song Contest. That and the act was as dull as dish water.

LOLITA FAKE: Blasphemy! Messing with Steffi D's song and mocking Montana's style with a pathetic getup and performance. Blasphemy, I tells ya! BLASPHEMY!! Oh, and it sucked as usual, but then again I didn't really need to say that, did I?

Canadian country artist Gil Grand released this song in 2003... Voila, country arrangement available!

and is making Carly sound like a baby gagging on breast milk.

You sure you didn't mean she sounded like she was gagging on Brunton's milk?

And what was that outfit she was wearing for song 2? Hope she didn't actually wear that in public. That would have earned her repeated beatings in many neighborhoods I know.

Jaydee loves VFTW, you should be nicer to him ;-) He's our first rate Elvis!

Jaydee - Burton Cummings, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to this one because I’m all anxious to hear Ring of Fire. From what I heard, it was outstanding, and that’s good enough for me. A+

Mr Hat - whiter shade of pale - Well, if you ask me, this song describes Jaydee a lot more than Mr. Hat. But, it gives Mr. Hat plenty of opportunity to do more of his usual screeching, while wearing some weird clothing. And he delivered on both accounts. Apparently, he was celebrating Halloween a little early by wearing a skeleton on his back. That worked for me, because his performance gave me the creeps. Midway through the song, he did the emo wave to get people to wave their cellphones back and forth. This is so lame in every way, shape, and form. When I was in college, we would flick our bic lighters during slower moments. Now they flick cellphones. It’s just not the same. Anyways, back to Mr. Hat. The highlight of the performance is right here,

where he looks like he's grabbing his crotch on the second chorus. I swear to Saint Antonella on a stack of Sanjaya pictures that I did not chop this. If you look close enough in that area, it looks like something is coming out of his pants. Even though I know its his thumb, it looks like its something else, and its probably a pretty accurate representation of the actual size of that something else. I’ll let you be the judge. The ending note sounded like "whiter shade of ale". That'd be ok with me, but I prefer the dark stuff like Guiness. The audience once again was duped into thinking that Mr. Hat delivered a great performance, but then I realized that Hamilton isn't that far from Toronto, so he gets a lot of home support because of that. The top judge quote was, "It was really great hearing that organ". I guess I'm not the only one that noticed - see pic above. Grade, C-.

Cawwy Wae - At Seventeen - The judge tells us its going to break our hearts. I’m a lot more worried about my eardrums. I hate that song to begin with, so I can just imagine what Carly’s going to do with it. She starts out as flat as western Kansas. Gads, even on soft songs, she does that stupid growl. Why does she do that? Is she unable to sing those notes? You tell me. And that fake sadness isn’t going to work either. I’m giddy about Florida State losing tonight, in fact, when it comes to college football, I hate the whole state of Florida. So, even Carly Rae can’t ruin my good mood. Carly, the song’s over. Smile already!! Of course, she might be sad because she sang it so badly, and I can certainly understand that. Sass said it was pretty perfect. I say it was perfectly awful. Favorite judge quote, “You let people get inside of you”. I’ll bet she did. I think the audience was told to cheer harder for Carly and Mr. Hat, or they’d be thrown out. But I’m not fooled. The first round clearly went to Jaydee, who blew both of them away. Grade, C+.

Jaydee - Ring of Fire - Tonight’s highlight. Holy crap, those horns were great, but AUGGGHHHH!! He missed three words at the very beginning!! Love is a burning thing, . . . A fiery ring. But by the time he finished the song, I forgot all about that. Of course, had this been American Idol, Paula and Simon would have reminded us about ten times. Oops - gotta pause, one of my main idols is on right now, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Ok, dog’s done. ROF was a lot of fun, and Jaydee reminded us that singing and performing is supposed to be about entertainment, and not about making us depressed like Cawwy tried to do. And Zack didn’t even try to get Jaydee to leave Canada tonight. Best quote - “I wanted to see you in black wearing a hat”. Sorry, but one Mr. Hat is way too many. Grade, A-.

Mr Hat - Lightning Crashes - Well, we know he’s going to screech, carry the microphone, and wear a bizarre shirt. The only question is, what kind of hat is he going to wear? A derby?? Nah. Tiger Woods golf hat. That was actually one of his better performances. I wouldn’t go as far as the judges pimps, but it was ok. I’ve seen lots of hats, but I never did think that the crown was ever on his head. But, it was ok. Grade, B.

Cawwy Wae - White Flag, by Fido - This is funny before it ever starts, when Cawwy says she doesn’t like copycatting. Hey, she’s been copycatting Jewel the entire season, so why quit now? Best quote comes from the song itself, “I will go down with the ship”. Is that a promise? Of course, I think her ship sank a long time ago. Then again, it sounded like shit instead of ship (literally!!). But the song name was appropriate, because a white flag generally means to cease fire. I raised my white flag as a request to cease singing. Well, the torture finally did end, but not before I had to throw up. Hey, looks like the audience has this one right, and again, I swear upon the feet of Saint Antonella that I didn't chop this one, either.

Grade, C+.

Ok, looks like its country vs. Gypsy soft pop vs. cracky grundge. It’s going to be a tough call, but if I had to bet, I would bet that the gypsy wagon will be leaving Toronto tomorrow night, setting up a twang vs. hat final.

I TOTALLY agree with you, Dave...

Never mind the fact that, as I've written before, I go for that dumb, twangy, hillbilly type -- it's his personality and him embracing VFTW that's grown on me.

Perhaps -- PERHAPS -- he gets it?

We should redouble our efforts to get him to the top of the dungpile affectionately known as CI!

M-Dawg

VIVA SANJAYVIS!!!!!!!

Congratulations Jaydee! Onto the FINALE!

Cawwee Wae - you SUCK!

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