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THEY SHOOT JELL-O SHOTS DON’T THEY? On last night's show the snide, sick and sadistic American Idol producers decided to pick a naive and trusting child (Valerie Reyes) to deceive, manipulate, trick and set up just so they (and ALL of America) could get their rocks off from watching the rug get yanked out from underneath her and then watch her get kicked in the teeth as she lie convulsively sobbing on the floor. Couldn't they find any baby seals to club to death? Jesus Christ is Ryan Seacrest a smarmy little prick. A nanosecond into his interview with Valerie Reyes you could tell he was setting up the sweet and gullible teenybopper to get a new ass cruelly torn for her in front of millions on national TV. And WTF is with his overbite? Seacrap doesn't have a mouth he has a freakin' Mallard bill. At least it goes along with his slurring/lisping Daffy Duck delivery. Thufferin' Thuckatash Thimon! Speaking of Simon .... doesn't he look oh so ever pleased with how clever he is when he delivers his new scathing catch phrase of "You're not as good as you think you are". As an ad lib (which it probably wasn’t) it was borderline incisive the first time he said it but is not the type of bon mot that is worthy of repeating. In the unimaginative and unoriginal crapfest that is American Idol he will probably run it into the ground and then dance on its grave like the imbecilic Donald Trump did with “You’re fired!” Simon actually thinks that he is cute with this shit and doesn't realize that he has all the charm and charisma of a cross between a mother weasel eating her young and the cowardly Emperor Commodus from "Gladiator". In a stark departure from his usual automatron recitation of “Dawg” and “feelin’ it” Randy went off script in an aggressive display of comedic cunning and thinking on his feet ... well ... actually sitting on his fat ass ... but still ... for Randy it was pure gold. Here’s how it went down. As the shy and sensitive Alberto Hurtado exits from his audition after giving Paula a keepsake fan Simon cackles after him as he walks out the door “Where’s mine?” Randy let this process through the canned ham he calls a brain for a spell and then a mere seven Mississippi’s later calls out “Where’s mine?” to the now closed door. Paula. What can I say. She let me down last year but I have never been one to hold grudges and she is right back at the very top of my DEAD POOL for 2008 along with Sean Preston, Jayden James, the Olson Twins and Steve-O. Wish me luck!
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Location: Santa Monica, CA
Location: Orygun
