Bad Singing Show #3: San Diego

Why does EVERY SINGLE one of these bad singing shows follow the EXACT SAME story arc?  One or two good singers in the beginning.  Then the series of bad singers... will Randy, Paula and Simon ever find anyone good?  Then some even worse singers.  Followed by the darkness right before the end.  Will the LAST SINGER redeem the entire city?  Yes, yes she will.  Because she’s a ringer.  And because they CAREFULLY EDIT these damn shows so that they ALL FOLLOW THEY SAME SCRIPT.  There were 30 Good singers who were rewarded with tickets, but this show was only one hour so we only got to see a couple ringers.  But then again, this show was only an hour so it was exactly half as boring as usual.

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VFTW Contenders-- These are golden ticket winners who may turn out to be the next Sanjaya.  But probably not.

Snotty Tatiana - She sang well but Simon decided that she had an attitide.  Takes one to know one, I guess.

Greasy Pony-Tail Perrie - Sang a BoysIIMen song badly, but gets to go to Hollywood.  Yay for us.  Perrie’s son said “What’s up, Randy.”  And Randy got excited that someone could communicate with him on an even level.  But then they whisked the 4 year old away before Randy could get the answer to the burning question of why grass is green.

Michael the Ringer from Australia - Simon declared: “That was a very good audition.”  Of course it is, did you notice how Michael is a Ringer?  I just want to know how come everyone from outside America sings with an American accent?  How is that possible?  And yet Green Day’s Billy Joe sings with a British accent... just another one of life's imponderables.

Throat Paralysis David - Sang about two good bars out of the entire song.  Randy: “I didn’t notice you singing with any vocal chord problems.”  I agree... except for the broken glass cutting flesh, painful gasps of air at the end of every line.  Yeah, other than that he sanged real gooder.  VFTW Contender.  

Carly Winehouse the Ringer from Ireland -- Tattooed and married to the Gimp from a Side show.  What’s not to love about Carly.  She’s scary and she Mariahed all over a Whitney song.  Is she just typical AI Awful or does she descend to a new level of horrible... the way we like ‘em.  Only time will tell.

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Random Delusional Buffoons.

--Autistic Marat - Sang like an autistic person, who is tone deaf, and also can’t sing very well.

--Falsetto Chris - His name says it all.

--Scary Tehilla the Moaner -- More bad singing goodness.

--Valerie Boob-Carey from Riverside.  She thinks she sounds like Mariah Carey... before the audio sweetening and studio pitch correction.  I loved Valerie.  She took rejection well, knowing that she would appear on the Idol Montage of Shame.

--Juan Valdez and a Mime -- Awesome stuff for about 15 seconds.

-- Statue of Liberty Guy Blake-- I was pulling for you big guy.  Took rejection well, because he has tons of practice, on this show alone.

-- Creepy Alberto with the Fan -- Who mumbled his way through his own song, but wasn’t as funny as advertised.  Big sigh as he sucked in a boring way.

Hey a teaser of a Sanjaya Interview on the FOX news.  Where did he get his wacky hair inspirations?  Why they hell are they asking him about this old crap a year later?  Oh, right, because there was nothing else about him to talk about, and this being FOX News, your Destination for Insightful Journalism it’s par for the course.

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And that was that.  Boring.. But brief.  But still really boring.

--Chan