Bad Singing Show #872: Atlanta

Howdy Class,

<Yawns> Is crappy singing month(s) over yet? No, of course not, tomorrow is the Best of the Worst Crappy Singing Shows over the years. Yup, ain’t gonna watch that one. It smelled bad when I first heard that they were doing this episode over a month ago. Instead I’m going to save up my energy for the REAL bad singing weeks... A.K.A. American Idol Finals! Yeah!

Atlanta seemed tired, as though even Idol was sick of Bad Singing Month(s). Since luckily we know who makes it to the Top 24, I’ll just critique them about their Sanjayability to become our Worst for 2008. And maybe anyone else I can make fun of.

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Asiah Epperson – She’s got the dooziest of the Patented American Idol Sob Stories… her dad died two days ago. But luckily she doesn’t let that get in the way of her dream of losing on Idol. It’s hard to judge her as they kept cutting to reaction shots of Paula weeping. I guess she lost her big ol’ bottle of pills.

VFTW Potential? Probably none. Asiah was a decent Soul singer in the standard AI mold.

Alexandre Lushington – Our first Melinda Doolittle Wannabe, as she sings Melinda’s signature song from the 18th century, My Funny Valentine. The Lush’ didn’t give me chills however. Boring.

VFTW POTENTIAL? Next to none.

Biker Amanda – Now we’re talking. She’s a biker nurse in leather pants. Of course she sings Janis Joplin and nearly hacks up a furball doing it. She’s like a female Bucky Covington. So of course I love her.

VFTW Potential – Odd two-tone hair? Check. Distinctive Cigarettes and Jack Danials raspiness? Check. Misguided attempt at singing Janis? Check and Mate. Welcome to the Finals Amanda, we may just be voting for you.

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Other Notable Nuttiness:

Josh the Glass Cutter – He made weird eye faces while singing. No Finals, so I don’t care about Josh.

JP singing the Musical Theater Version of Rascal Flatts. Let me just say that the fey JP blew the Rascal Flatts version out of the water… Boo-yah!

Brooke AKA Pickler 2.0. Or is it 3.0? She says that she cares about nothing but performing,... And God… And Tanning. Clearly they didn’t have room for more Pickler impersonators in the Finals, so no love for Brooke. Boo!

Viking Lars – The 5 seconds we saw of this guy was awesome. He makes my All Idol Bearded Team.

Nathan the 9th Grade Repeater. I’m guessing part of his whole going to 9th grade again problem was his bad attitude. Bad, but not funny unfortunately.

Homeless Josiah—He lives out of his car.  He says: "I wouldn't call myself homeless."  Well, I would, basically because of the whole, "living out of my car" thing.  He gets a gold card, despite having a Goat Vibrato and bizarre English Accent while singing.  Actually he had a pretty strong voice and he was pretty original.  And hey, he's got the sob story.  We would’ve LOVED him in the Finals, just because Simon would forget his name every week. Please try out again next year Joshua… er Josiah.

And an honorable mention for Gramorous Girl – We loved your tuneless singing and bad English pronunciation. Hey maybe you can star in the next racist Super Bowl investing cartoon commercial.

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And that’s it. No more Bad Singing Shows for me. I’m not watching the Bad Singing Recap Show, and I probably won’t watch the worthless Hollywood Semi-Finals… since we all know who the Final 24 are anyway. So you can skip that stupid Elevator Episode as well.

See you when this show decides to get serious about VOTING!

--Chan