Top 16 Guys Recap - Can I Remember the Performances Without Looking at My Notes?

Well tonight officially cements American Idol as a waste of time. It always was, mind you. But tonight, the show basically said, “We don’t care to bring you good performances. We don’t care to bring you funny performances. We care to bring you tepid monotony. An hour of tepid monotony.” I’m not even remotely entertained. There was nothing to talk about. I feel that if I wasn’t taking notes, I wouldn’t have even remembered half of the performances. So I stepped away for half an hour and tried to remember the performances each person did. Let’s see how it went.

Lee DeWyze sings “Fireflies”

Did I remember it? Yes. Only because “Fireflies” is a shitty song that Lee somehow made shittier.

Did the judges like it? Yes. Ellen said Lee had pitch problem, but she didn’t care. Thank you, Ellen, arbiter of all things music with your illustrious music career.

Alex Lambert sang “Trouble”

Did I remember it? Nope.

Did the judges like it? They said Alex has no confidence. Cause that’s not getting old yet…

Tim Urban sang “Hallelujah”

Did I remember it? Of course, because Tim is the VFTW pick. His voice was shaky, he eliminated any notes outside of his 3 note range so he wouldn’t sound as bad as normal, and he kept doing a deer in the headlights look. That said, better than normal for him, but only because he keeps playing it so safe and arranging songs so he doesn’t have to hit any really high or low notes. He can’t strum his way through monotonous ballads forever.

Did the judges like it? Yep. Either it’s reverse psychology to get rid of him or he’s pulling in 10 million votes a week and they don’t want to look stupid if he stays. Anyone else who did that performance would be called “safe” and criticized for not adding anything to the song. I have faith in Tim losing his shit when he’s on the big stage. If not, he’s dead to me.

Andrew Garcia sang “Genie in a Bottle”

Did I remember it? Despite the stupid song choice, no. It wasn’t even funny.

Did the judges like it? Of course not. It was an idiotic song choice, so I thought at least he’d be a funny train wreck. But he bored me so much, I didn’t care. Kara told Andrew he peaked too early and Simon called him desperate. Despite the fact that he didn’t peak too early because he’s always been terrible, desperate sounds about right.

Casey James sang “You’ll Think of Me”

Did I remember it? Nope. Clearly I didn’t think of him.

Did the judges like it? They thought it was ok. Clearly they want him in the top 12 so their criticism is weak even though he isn’t very good and his goat vibrato didn’t stay caged up for long. Simon called it forgettable. Simon was actually right.

Aaron Kelly sang “I’m Already There”

Did I remember it? Nope.

Did the judges like it? Again, they praised him to get him into the top 12 even though he can’t sing. Kara said the song wasn’t relevant to his life because it’s about a guy calling his kids, but Aaron considered himself more of the narrator. This kid bores me to tears.

Todrick Hall sang “Somebody to Love”

Did I remember it? Yep. Todrick is at least memorable. He sang it better than normal and didn’t switch it up too much, but he still had that over the top desperation that makes him a possible VFTW contender.

Did the judges like it? Yes, they said it was his best performance. Simon said now he knows Todrick is a Broadway singer, but it was nice to see someone perform like that after so many boring performances with people sitting on a stool playing guitar. Agreed.

Michael Lynche sang “This Woman’s Work”

Did I remember it? Nope. Just remembered Kara crying.

Did the judges like it? If there was a way for Kara to gave Michael fellatio by crying, she did that. Kara burst into tears about how beautiful the performance was, Simon sad it was the best performance in all of the live shows so far, and Ellen called him the one to beat now. Funny, because I barely remember anything about the performance and the little part I can remember seemed boring. But hey, I don’t have music credentials like Ellen DeGeneres, so what do I know?

Who’s gone? Hopefully all 8. I can’t stand to watch them another week. Realistically, the ones with a chance of going home are Aaron, Andrew, Alex, Todrick, and Tim. I think the tweens will save Alex. I hope VFTW saves Tim, although he needs to step up his game. So my final picks to go would be Todrick and Aaron. Andrew will squeak by to suck another week and maybe earn a VFTW vote in the future.