Final Three: Who Hasn't Given Up On This Season?

This season continues to play out the string in uninteresting and unexciting fashion.  The Final Three/Hometown episode is exhibit A for the fact that the Idol Producers sure have given up on this hopelessly crappy season.  Instead of scenes of fan mayhem and the Idols receiving the keys to the city from the town mayor, each of the Idols is stuck out front of an ATT store in Burbank with a dozen bored extras pretending to get excited.  Okay, I'm kidding, they might have actually been in their home cities, but all ATT stores look alike, so I'm leaning towards my Burbank theory.

Also, the Producers are bending over so far backwards to make Lee look competent that it's disgusting.  He gets the hero edit and the full chorus on his Pimp Slot performance of the overplayed "Hallelujah."  Seriously, can we stop playing this song on Idol.  Tim Urban rocked it earlier this season.  If Tim Urban rocks a song, then let's just say it's 99% song, 1% Idol when the performances are uniformly good.

Let's get to this perfunctorily and with as minimal an effort as the Producers put into producing the shows this season.
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Casey James sings something called "It's Alright With Me" and " "Daughters" by John Mayer.

Casey's not even making an effort on this show, and it's hilarious.  Casey actually chose to sing this tepid non-song that repeats "It's alright" over and over, and does nothing else vocally.  There's barely even any guitar in it.  Come on, dude.  You have the vast catalogue of the four or five good songs the Producers bothered to clear, and THIS is what you chose to win Idol?  That's called "Not Giving A Crap." 

Casey's second song, "Daughters" is mumbled, deadly dull and incoherent.  So it's pretty much exactly like the album version.  

Afterwards there is much judges talk about "climaxes."  Simon declares the climax of the song is "a tepid guitar solo"  and he's right.  But basically, Simon said the word "climax" just to set up Kara who pounces on it like Randy on a bacon, chili cheeseburger.  Kara seriously discusses the song climaxes while Simon is quite clearly just screwing with her.

GRADE: D -- Vote For The Worst, baby.  Come on and share the love.  Let's do this one for Goat Boy, who's shown the same apathy on TV as we feel watching TV.
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Crystal sings "Come To My Window" by Melissa Etheridge and "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney.
Crystal further carves out her lesbian, acoustic coffee bar with stinky, ripped couches niche on Idol.  Her Etheridge song is album ready but with her now standard shrill shrieking at the end.

Her "Maybe I'm Amazed" is even worse.  An out of tune and half-assed rendition that's Crystal's worst performance to date.  Her out of tune shrieking is even worse.  I'm guessing the Idol Producers encouraged that crap as it's so typical of Idol favorites.

The best part of the show occurs when the camera cuts back from Crystal's home visit and Kara is making ugly faces until she sees that she's on air where she forces a smile and applauds half-heartedly.

GRADE: C- == If Casey weren't giving Master's Classes in "Not Giving A Crap" Crystal's lackluster last five weeks on Idol would make her our Worst.
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Lee sings "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd" and "Hallelujah" as sung by Tim Urban.

Lee is pretty good on the Skynyrd song even though it's another ballad.  This alleged "rocker" dude wouldn't know an uptempo song if it handcuffed him to a radiator and whipped him mercilessly, forcing him to repeat "ballads are for pussies" over and over until he passes out in a pile of tears and vomit. Lee's raspy vocals actually work well on the song, and his country rock plays to the Southern and Country Idol voting blocs.  Well played Mr. DeWyze.

Lee also does well on "Hallelujah", but come on, Tim Urban already showed that anyone can be great with the song.  It's just that good.  It doesn't hurt that Lee gets the full Idol hero push with the dramatic band arrangement, backing vocals, pimp slot and Judge's verbal sponge bath with happy ending.

GRADE: A
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So there are only three questions left to answer.  Do the Judges genuinely want Lee to win (A lame-o David Cook clone)?  Or are they just setting the stage for a "dramatic" Crystal Bowersox victory?  Or can VFTW (and about 10 million ga-ga haus fraus) impose our collective wills on the show and get Casey into the Finals.  

Come on, Casey and Crystal in the "Can't Give a Shit" Finale.  That would be symbolic of this whole sucky season and Simon's one foot out the door disengaged performance this year.

Come on, who doesn't want that to happen?  That's almost worth suffering through the three hour final Performance show and the seven hour Results show with crappy guests singing badly. 

--Chan