The top 4 got to sing songs that inspire them along with Leiber and Stoller songs. Really, the song choices were pretty boring and predictable. But two things about this episode were fantastic- The first was Lady Gaga. She gave every contestant hilarious advice that made them way more VFTW worthy than they would’ve been without her. When I slipped her that note a week ago and told her to mentor the contestants, I didn’t know she’d follow through. Well played, Ms. Gaga. Well played. The second awesome part of the episode was Haley Reinhart's attitude. I just love this girl's sass. She serves it up stone cold and isn't taking crap from anyone. That's the mark of a truly awesome VFTW pick.
James Durbin starts the day with “Don’t Stop Believing.” This is actually my least favorite song ever- true story. The performance is pretty bad and really off key. It has no “rock cred” at all. But it’s not quite the train wreck I’d hope for, it’s just really bad singing. Randy says that, like in the Olympics, James took the song with the highest degree of difficulty for the night. First, that’s some awesome foresight to know that the first song of the night is going to be the most difficult somehow. And any drunk at any bar can sing this song. Even those awful autotuned kids on Glee can sing it.
Haley Reinhart, on the other hand, really wants VFTW to pick her. She chooses “The Earth Song” which basically has a chorus of screaming and moaning. She also has huge, messy hair and growls almost the entire song. YES! This is the Haley I know and love. Casey is in the audience clapping and loving this as much as I am. Jennifer didn’t like the song choice. Randy goes off about how much he hated it and how Haley was screaming at the top of her register. Haley looks pissed and starts talking back immediately by rolling her eyes and saying that she wasn’t the top of her range. Randy shoots back that Haley should have ended with more runs, and she rolls her eyes more and says she shouldn’t have changed anything. I agree with Haley. The growling, the sass, and the outfit were all made for VFTW. Haley is in it to win it, America!
Scotty McCreery picks the September 11th song with the words Jesus and America. Yep, that’s good for a finale spot. He’s also hiding in the shadows, so we get less of Scotty’s ugly mug and more lyrics about Jesus. He also sings about how he has no idea what’s going on in Iraq or Iran. The frauen can relate to that, they’re too busy masturbating to pictures of Scotty to care about anything else. Nasty. The judges give him a tongue bath over the song and Randy says Scotty is ready for superstardom. It’s true. Country fans will buy anything that has the words America and Jesus in it, so they might as well crown the kid now and reap the rewards. I need to get some of that goodwill for this site by using Scotty’s tricks. Jesus, America is easy to fool. Wait, that sentence doesn’t work? Nevermind.
Lauren Alaina chooses “Anyway” by Martina McBride and uses the tornadoes in the south to get votes. These country kids know how to bullshit. She sings about God and uses the lyrics that even if someone will forget that you sang a song tomorrow, you should sing it anyway. Yeah, I’m gonna forget this tomorrow no matter what you decide, Lauren. She’s so boring. Randy says that Lauren is back in it to win it and nothing was wrong with that performance. Nothing was right with it either. It was the definition of meh.
Haley Reinhart starts off round 2 with “I Who Have Nothing.” Wait, why does she have to go first now? This hardly seems fair. Lady Gaga recommends that Haley should add drama to the performance and act psycho. Yes. Great advice. I love Lady Gaga as a mentor. The performance is kind of fun because Haley is clearly singing from the point of view as an underdog, but it’s not as dramatic and crazy as I’d hope. I did enjoy the angry face at the end though. Jennifer says that the judges are hard on Haley so she can give better performances. Randy says whenever Haley is mad, she comes out and delivers a good performance. I prefer mad Haley who swears at the judges. But hey, If she wants to deliver a good vocal to try to stick around, I can’t fault her for trying. She can use the old Taylor Hicks trick for double song nights: one over the top VFTW performance and then one that appeals to the general audience.
Scotty comes out with “Young Blood” next and he does his standard stupid faced performance where he looks like a raging lunatic. I mean, yeah, it’s funny, but he does this all the time. I’m a little tired of it, but I do admit that I always laugh out loud whenever Scotty does anything that’s not a ballad. The kid is just terrible and it makes me smile a bit. Also, at least he’s consistent in looking like an idiot. If we get stuck with a Lauren/Scotty finale somehow, he’ll be a good VFTW pick. Randy says they saw both sides of a Scotty concert tonight, but Jennifer encourages him to change it up next week. I agree. Be funny next week, but try something new. I know you’re not going anywhere, so at least try to give some variety here.
Lauren’s second song is “Trouble” but she doesn’t want to call herself evil. Gaga convinces her otherwise and I love her for it. Convincing Lauren to run around the stage screaming, “I’m evil! I’m evil! I’m evil!” produces hilarious results. This girl is trying to take a page from Carrie Underwood’s playbook but she has zero sex appeal so it isn’t working. I’m still cracking up that Lauren kept screaming, “I’m evil!” It’s her second best moment of the season next to falling down the stairs. That brings her memorable moments from this season up to… well, 2. Jennifer says she loved Lauren’s performance quality and Randy says there was a maturity in the performance.
Closing out the show is the megapimped James “Better Adam” Durbin. Even though he gets tons of pimpage, the guy is fading fast. His vocals are getting weaker each week. Lady Gaga convinces James to move his hips a lot, but then he completely ignores her advice on stage. Ingrate. The performance could be a huge train wreck, but it’s not. It’s again almost as if he’s phoning it in. He then pauses a lot between Adam Lambert style screams and acts like a megadouche. I love the megadouche moment because it’s so annoying, but there wasn’t enough of it. I still kind of want to see this guy win because it would piss off the Sparkle Cows so much. Randy tells James, “You are what I love about sports.” What the hell does that mean? James’s usual tongue bath is predictable, but it’s fairly obvious this guy would sell zero records outside of Idol as he’s way less marketable than everyone else. So I can’t hate on him for staying around.
The bottom 2 this week seems like a done deal: Haley and Lauren. Haley would clearly go home. So can VFTW and the other Haley supporters save her this week? It’ll be an uphill battle, but hey, nothing’s impossible.
Anorexia Face
Location: are they ceiling Lauren fat?? :O
Location: on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger
