Aspen Audtions - BORING!

The search for the next Lee DeWyze and Kris Allen moves on to Aspen, although I see the contestants entering an arena that looks suspiciously about 15 000 seats too big for a place of that size. Jenni Schick is up first but it's more like Jenni Schtick as she's running around like an IBW with her head cut off. She's a music teacher and seems to like her job as much as someone who cleans out cess pools. Jenni wants a kiss from Ryan but has a better chance of getting one from The Pope. But Steven Tyler will be more than happy to kiss Jenni, although she's about ten years too old for him. Jenni sings Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker is good enough to get a gold ticket but not good enough to make the Top 24, which will put Jenni in quite the bind after her school fires her for making a complete ass of herself on National TV.

We see the wannabes up bright and early, which is a rarity for them as none of these bums have real jobs. I believe former AI contestant Ace Young is from Colorado, and Curtis Grey looks like something that came out of his ass. And I see this is going to be a night short on talent as Curtis, someone who would normally not even be let into the arena, gets a gold ticket.

If you're like me, you've often wondered if there are any sets of twins where one of them is succesful while the other one is a big loser. Well, the answer is YES as we meet Tealana Hedgespeth, who definitely got the weaker spem when her father inseminated her and her sister's mom. Haley says she's the complete opposite of her twin sister her, who's nice looking, successful and talented. Yeah, I guess Tealana really is the exact opposite of her twin!

Haley Smith tells us she lives in a log cabin and I see they don't have dentists up in Haley's neck of the woods. And if you're thinking that Haley Smith is a bland name, check out her personality. Haley kind of has a 70s vibe, sort of an Edie Brickell after about 20 valium.

I really enjoy auditioners like Alanna Snare. She has a nice look, inoffensive personality, cute story about serving Bull Testes at her restaurant and doesn't seem delusional at all. But then when she sings we find out she's as delusional as it gets as she sounds like the bull when it's getting its nuts chopped off.

Next is someone who there's been some interesting talk about here, Shelby Tweten. We've gotten some people posting here that Shelby's a nice, normal girl who's popular at school, yet others who are saying she's a manipulative bitch who'll do anything to be with her school's star Quarterback. Well, maybe both stories are true as we find out Shelby's bi-polar. We're seeing her nice normal personality tonight but I'm hoping the nasty bitch one will come out just in time for Hollywood.

Something we're seeing a bit more of this season is Idol letting the famewhores audition with original songs, as is the case with Jairon Jackson. Jairon's doing an original called So Hard, which would be a good description of what it's been like to stay awake during tonight's episode. Jairon is decent, modern and inoffensive looking, in other words completely useless for this show.

Auditions have become a massive bore as we get no more of the freaks and lunatics we used to associate with this part of the show, although Angie Zeiderman somehow slips through. She thinks she's Lady Gaga but unless Angie has a penis, I'm seeing little in common between the two. Angie's first performance is some ridiculously over the top broadway crap almost dreadful enough to be on Glee. Randy says he hates goat vibrato, so I guess he hated Daughtry.

Last up is Magic Cyclops, whose fake acting is as convincing as those who think Jane Carrey didn't get a pity audition only because of who her dad is. Magic's speaking with a British acccent that's almost as fake as his wig and beard. I don't even know what the point of this audition is, but I suppose I don't know what the point of this entire show is as almost all of its past winners have gone on to become complete flops.