American Idol's left Los Angeles behind in a trail of puke and collapsed bodies and we're off to Las Vegas, or V-A-G-A-S as one of these geniuses spells it out. And tonight's show is basically narrated by Heejun Han. Heejun's bitch, Big Hick What's-his-name, is bullying people on the bus and punches a woman in the face as Heejun's led him to the edge of madness. The contestants have to perform in groups again and Skylar Laine can't find one as no one wants to sing with someone who sounds like they have two watermelons stuck up their nose. And tonight's this season's debut of psychotic voice coach Peggi Blu, who will whip, beat and strangle the best out of these contestants.
The first group up includes Colton Dixon, who may not want to look out at the audience where his sister's giving him a stare of extreme jealous hatred. This is our first good look at Chase Likens and Me No Likens. Skylar has replaced the watermelons up her nose with a pair of Goodyear blimps. While these three get through, Cari Quayseyer is a goner as she blends into the stage next to the other motley three she's with.
Tonight's show is coming from some Elvis Presley theatre, and Jeremy Rosado's perfectly representing the Fat Elvis stage. Jeremy's group is doing Rockin' Robin and David Leathers is really capturing the overall castrato feel of this song. Gabi Carruba is the bitch of this group and thinks she's better than everyone but the only way she's greater is in degree of how delusional she is as she's easily the worst member.
The next group starts off with Adam Brock playing Great Balls Of Fire on the piano, elliciting thoughts of Jerry Lee Lewis' pedo marriage that still isn't as creepy as Brock himself. The show's been hiding Shelby Tweten till now, and with good reason as she's awful. Erika Van Pelt doesn't need help from the Voice Coach as much as she does from the Wardrobe Coach. Angie Zeiderman is like some experiment on Glee gone horribly wrong.
While everyone's supposed to have their 15 minutes of fame, some get only two seconds as our first look at Wayne Wilson, Ashley Robbles, Stephanie Renae, Aubrey Dieckmeyer and Tina Torres is of them getting cut.
While you never know what you're going to get with these hastily put together groups, one thing we can count on with this next group is that it's going to have some incredibly spazzy moments as Reed Grimm's in it. Eben has liptick on his cheeks from being kissed, probably by Reed. I wish I had gone to school with Elise Testone, where I could've spent endless hours amusing myself making up names for her like Elise Testoserone, Elise Testicles, and so forth.
Next up is a pairing as promising as Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, Milk Chocolate Crunch Jermaine Jones and Heejun's bitch Richie Law. They both have ridiculously low voices that sound like some terrible accident in a foghorn factory yet are able to pull off a semi-interesting performance.
We finally get a look at Jessica Sanchez, and the first thing we learn about her is that she sings like a screeching banshee. Deandre Brackenshit is whipping out the falshitto, but not like he's whippin' his hair back n' forth!
Next up is Scott Dangerfield, who gets No Repsect as he's gotten about 2 seconds of airtime so far. He's in a group doing Jailhouse Rock and everyone has dressed the same and done their hair the same way, making it impossible to tell which fame whore is which. Although cut contestant Curtis Gray does manage to stand out, with his awful singing.
Our next group is definitely the most delusional (and that's quite the feat on this show) as Courtney Williams, Stroke Girl Jessica Phillips and Britnee Kellogg believe they need no practice at all with the voice coach or Idol band. While this turns out to be a complete disaster, one thing cut contestant Jessica doesn't need is coaching on how to make a proper VFTW exit as she insists I'm a real artist and that's not what they're looking for as she's standing next to the two others in her group who actually made it. Jessica doesn't seem too upset as she tells us she didn't come here to be on TV but to get a record contract. All this is making me think her man didn't have a stroke but instead banged his head against the wall too many times from living with this delusuional psychotic.
Speaking of psychotics, the next group has the honor of being mentored by Voice Coach Peggi Blu, who has her wrath squarely locked in on Lauren Gray. Peggi yells at Lauren Are you on Ritalin? Wake up and smell the coffee! Peggi was so busy berating Lauren that she forget to humiliate Mathennee Traco into not singing in his hideous falshitto or telling Wendy Taylor that the way to stop looking like a grandmther isn't by getting an ugly nose ring.
Next up to get Peggi's special brand of VFTW love is Heejun's group, and he's scared to death. But Heejun needn't fear as even Peggi can't resist his magical/strange charm. Less charming is Phillip Phillips, who at this point is coming off like a watered down Kris Allen. And while everyone's falling in love with Heejun, let's be honest that the fun stops when he sings like Michael Bolton after 10 valium.
The next group is a reformation of Groove Sauce minus Reed Grim, which is like a reformation of Nirvana minus Kurt Cobain. Katharine McPhee's Mom is their voice coach and she gives them the same advice she drilled into Katherine for 20 years, to be as big an attention whore as possible. You wonder how a group minus Reed could be ridiculously OTT, but may I remind you Creightin is still in this group.
That's it for the groups and all the contestants are brought back. The judges have to cut some more people and, upon second thought, they decide they hate Colton's sister, Gabi, Angie, Candice, Johnny and Jairon. And no one's taking it worse than Britnee Kellog, who simply believes I'm Perfect! We have 42 contestants remaining and the judges have the tough job next week of getting it down to 24, but not as tough a job as VFTW is going to have selecting between potential picks like Heejun, Reed, Creighton, and who knows who else. It's almost time!