We're off to Miami for the first round of Boot Camp where many dreams will be crushed, while others will continue their delusional dream that this show will get them into show business. As I write this blog, I'm watching Obama and Romney go after each other and both of them should be grateful they don't have to go up against Cece Frey (pictured), who makes Antonella and Amanda seem like angels. We see the famewhores coming from North, South, East and West, and Vino Alan looks like he's coming from jail. Meanwhile, Jason Brock looks like he's coming from a Category 5 Glitter Hurricane! Stage parents are crying as they send off their kids they've been forcefully pushing into this since birth. This show knows what Boy Bands are all about as they all seem to be shirtless to greatly please their tard and ped fans.
Diamond White is up first... and even at 13 she's got down the phoney hair flip. She's doing I Have Nothing and this show has the worst sound mixing as the singers sound like they're in a different room. Either that or the show is manipulating the sound again like they did with Austin Corini. Sister C is next and Britney's giving a bitch face to this group of cute girls that could split diamonds. Time to get the autotune machine ready as the aforementioned Austin Corini's up and Britney's face goes from a look of death to one of a cat in heat.
Here's comes the garbageman to pick up the trash. Ooops, it's just David Correy, who looks like he's just finished a 12-hour shift in a coal mine. Dinah Jane Hansen's next and she's just bland enough to be put in a fake girl group. And we finally get to meet Lyric Da Queen, who's just as VFTW as a female rapper with an eye patch should be!
Jason Brock's next and if anyone's ever going to make me go gay, Jason's the one as he's chubby glittery VFTW love! Carly Rose Sonenclar is up and this is no sweat for her as even at 13, she has more stage experience than the other 200 contestants combined. Next up is Jennifer Espinoza, who I've been wondering why she didn't make the finals after her solid audition. But I wonder no longer as Jennifer drops an atomic-sized bomb tonight.
Jennel Garcia's up and like every other time she appears on this show, things change from a karaoke contest to a pole dancing contest. Jennel may be the skankiest performer I've ever seen as she's carrying on more than if she were in a 100-person gangbang. Britney's giving the bitchface right in front of Jennel, and Cece's giving her the bitch face from behind.
Vino Alan's next and if I saw him coming toward me on the sidewalk, not only would I cross the street, I'd probably run into a building and hide in a bathroom. He's doing Bad Company and this poser sounds like he's trying to squeeze out turds that have been stuck in him for three weeks. And speaking of turds, here comes Johnny Maxwell, a white rapper who's as street as Willow Smith. And Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, aka Jordyn Folley, and Simon can breath easy as the sun won't be coming out tomorrow for the dreadful Jordyn. I see Manny Acosta for I believe the first time, and it's the last time as he's all falshitto. And I can live the rest of my life in peace as the judges finally realize Trevor Moran looks like a huge jackass and have sent him back to his bedroom forever.
Enough with this baby shit; Cece has been sharpening her knives all night and is ready to destroy the other competitors, and the entire universe while she's at it. At this point, she has given everyone on this show a bitch stare, and a few bonus bitch stares to any atractive girl that plans on getting in her way. And I'm ready to make a bitch face of my own as I see dreadful groups L3VEL, Citizen, and Jetset, all of whom Emblem3 are laughing at, and with reason.
All of these contestants are always attention whores buit here comes Tara Simon, who makes people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian seem camera-shy by comparison. Tara's the all-time attention whore and doesn't mind making a complete jackass of herself to get screen time. She also doesn't mind looking like trash in her leopard print dress. And if she needs to get on her knees and flash her hooey like she did tonight, Tara will be glad to do that too.
Next is Willie Jones, who answers the question what would happen if Scotty McCreepy got a makeover to look like The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. Britney's criticizing his singing, which is akin to George W. Bush criticizing your public speaking skills.
Cece is shifting the head fucking into fifth gear as her time to perform approaches, and standing right in the path of Cece's bullets is Paige Thomas, who's doing the same song as Cece. One gets the feeling Cece came to Miami planning to do a different song but changed it just to fuck with Paige. And mission accomplished as the dreadfully-coiffed Paige is not completely on her game. Cece's finally up and when asked how confident she is on a scale of 10, she says about a 25. This is Cece's first time meeting Simon and she gives him a look letting him know that getting sex from her won't be a problem. I gotta give credit to Cece for being able to sing. I also have to give her credit to for being as desirable as herpes.
That's it for Round 1 and it's time to crush dreams! The judges are having their fake deliberations even though Simon decided who was going to be on this show long ago. The contestants are divided into three groups, with one going home. And that group includes Jordyn Folley, who now returns to her family in their trailer. Jennifer Espinoza wasn't worse than most of the others tonight and probably deserves another chance but Simon doesn't want another chubby winning this show. And I can put away my gun as Trevor Moran's GONE.
But someone not gone is Cece Frey, who'll be back tomorrow to continue cutting down one contestant after another. As I continue watching Obama and Romney debate, I'd like to suggest to them sending Cece over to Iran; After five minutes there, they'll gladly give up their nuclear program, as long as we take this bitch back!