It's almost Thanksgiving and there's no better way of getting ready than watching a karaoke show that was more depressing than Schindler's List. The contestants are giving thanks tonight to an endless parade of dead relatives. There's also lots of pandering to God who, if he's like everyone else in America, isn't watching this show. Power WGWG Tate Stevens has gotten the death spot tonight as the show has finally realized that they're on their way to having the same completely unmarketable winner American Idol's had the past five years. I forget what song Tate did but what difference does it make as he's going to countrify it even if the theme is Snoop Dogg. And now that Tate's done and it's only 8:10, his granny fans can now turn off this show, power vote for him for 15 minutes, and then go to sleep only 20 minutes after their usual bedtimes.
Diamond White's sob story is that she's never met her deadbeat Dad but she can be assured this bum will quickly re-emerge should she win $5 million. Demi's sobbing throughout the show as she's trying to re-gain some sympathy as she's quickly becoming one of the most hated people in America thanks to this show.
Khloe is trying to interview Beatrice backstage but attention whore Camille from 5thHarmony is sticking her head in the camera as usual. I wish Camille would block the camera for our next act, Emblem3. We see them at some type of camp for young offenders or something, and even there they have their shirts off. And the blonde guy has once again spent too much time pumping up his muscles when he should have been working on his singing.
Arin's up and it's like watching someone walk the green mile as surely Arin's gone tomorrow night. Arin was one of my favorite contestants coming into the Finals but now has as much soul as Bing Crosby after being put through the wringer that is X Factor. Arin seems to know he's been destroyed as he basically laughs in Demi's face when she criticizes him. But Simon really opens the door when he leads Arin to say he's not being allowed to be himself and is being forced by the show to sing crap he doesn't want to, just like I wrote about in my expose last week.
And talking about being destroyed by this show, here come Cece Frey. Cece tells us her sister died, which is sad. She feels her sister is watching over her, but I don't think she was watching when this show gave Cece her dreadful makeover. And while it's a lovely thought that her sister can see her, I hope she can't hear as Cece's struglgling once again tonight. She's sobbing throughout the performance and finally melts down and stops singing at the end.
Simon's been staring at Khloe's ass most of the night but she gives him something else to stare at as she sits in his his lap with her tits directly in his face. This is a nice transition to Fifth Harmony, who are giving us 5 times the Jesus Pimping. They're sitting in a circle and chatting about the same thing all teen girls chat about: God. They feel God has a plan, and that plan's being put in a fake group on a show with ratings God would strike you dead for. And once again I can't pay attention as there's an elephant in the room, in the form of Lauren's eyebrows. They have some type of hypnotic effect on me. But I'm snapped out of my trance when Camille starts singing like Lea Michelle being strangled to death.
Beatrice Miller's next and her lesbian moms are in 'da house! Beatrice is so young and naive; I wonder if she understands this show constantly pushing her lesbian parents down our throats is why she's persistently at the bottom of the results. Either that or America isn't going for someone dressed like Cyndi Lauper on acid and sounding like they smoke three packs of cigarettes a day.
Pimping the military worked so well for Vino last week so why not do it again. Vino wasn't let into the army because of his tattoos, which is a shame because I think Vino would've been great at killing people. He's doing the ultimate pandering song God Bless The USA and this is so ridiculous I almost can't believe it's for real. The judges, who've found Vino completely lame from the start, must now kiss his ass as this big fat piece of white bread is here to stay.
It's time for for more dead relatives as her comes Paige. There hasn't been a true VFTW performance so far tonight, but that all changes right now as Paige's performance is like watching a nuclear plant meltdown.
Last up is Arin Ray...no, it's Carly Rose as once again Britney fucks up her intro, even when it's written down for her. And I'm thinking Fox may have mistakingly switched to Glee as this performance would've been perfect for that.
This was the most depressing show I've ever seen in my life. I had so much hope when I heard X Factor was coming to America but it's been taken over by the grannies and rednecks just like American Idol, where all we get are sob stories, Jesus pandering and boring performances.
And a WGWG winner.