It's been a long road to get to the Finals, one that's been a complete waste of time as VFTW's known for ages WGWG is going to win this. The show starts off with Simon introducing a tribute to last week's tragic school shooting and I'm wondering if Simon's going to roll his eyes like he did when Chris Richardson gave a shout-out after the Virgina Tech shooting a few years back. All of this year's cast are back to lip sync for all the lost children. Beatrice and Arin are back, and we're reminded why they were eliminated so early as they're awful. Paige is singing in her own key, and where's Cece? This all seems well-intentioned and harmless enough...until Emblem3 comes on stage and destroys everything. Between the lip syncing and backing tracks, 5th Harmony doesn't know if they're coming or going and I'm hearing harmony despite the fact that only one of them is singing. And even when between the acts and a choir there are about 50 people singing at the same time, Camille's voice is still coming through like a metal spike being driven into my ear.
Carly's up first and she tells us she's wanted this since she was two years old, and her stage parents have wanted this since she was about two days old. Britney's proud of how much Carly's grown but I'm seeing the same person who's been doing only ballads for four months running. Carly's doing Feeling Good but her outfit has me Feeling Bad as she's wearing an ugly hat and the tight leather pants and thigh-high boots are just a big NO! After each performance we get to see the contestants hometown cheering them on and Carly has the saddest fan gathering since Katherine McPhee as there appears to be about 15 people at this rally.
It's time for the Over 25s (and over 250 pounds!) as WGWG's up. All Tate can say over and over again is he's just a family guy, which is code for the fundies to begin power voting NOW! And it's also a sign to VFTW to power vote too as this show's less than 24 hours away from getting the same unmarketable winner American Idol's had for five years running. There's no way Simon can want this and then I realize he wasn't at WGWG's audition and was being replaced by Louis; had Simon been there, this madness might have been prevented months ago, but now it's too late as the fundies and grannies have taken over this show just like they did Idol and WGWG is unstoppable! Oh yeah, by the way, WGWG's doing some crappy country song you could see a million other fat WGWGs doing at any karaoke Bar in the South. And while Carly may think it's a big deal that her hometown has named today Carly Rose Sonenclar Day, that's nothing as Tate's gotten his name put onto a hot water tower! Tate's hometown crowd is like watching Honey Boo Boo. I see fraus, rednecks, grannies...exactly the people who've taken over this show and are going to make WGWG the winner!
Time to get the backing tracks ready as here comes 5th Harmony. They need to pick a song they've already done this year and I'm wondering if we're going to hear Impossible for the ten millionth time, but instead it's the same song they did only seven days ago, with the exact same outfits and staging. Camille tells us she's a One Direction tard, which makes sense as her group is as fake and manufactured as theirs.
It's time for Round 2 when the contestants do a duet with a celebrity. Carly's up first and she's been matched with Leann Rimes. I don't know all too much about Leann other than she seems to be incredibly hated for being a home wrecker. What I do know is that she looks like Amy Winehouse the night before she died as Leann can't even remember the words to her own song and is totally fucking up Carly. It's like these two have never met before and they're singing in different keys. While VFTW would love to knock Carly off this show, I think Leann has taken care of that as Carly's done after this.
Someone's who's far from done (at least till next week!) is WGWG. He's doing some hick country song with some hick country group made up of a guy, a girl and a blond tranny. These WGWGs never get called out like others for doing the exact same song week after week. Tate's basically singing the same song three times tonight. But grandma doesn't care!
While Tate and Carly sang with a famous act, Fifth Harmony just gets Demi. Attention whore Camille can't shutup and takes five minutes to introduce Demi. It's like Sixth Harmony but you could add a sixth, seventh, eighth or millionth member to this act and you're still not going to get any harmonies without a backing track. And it looks like Demi has spent her entire salary from this show on cheesecake as she's gained 40 pounds since the start of this season.
It's time for the final round and the contestants are extra desperate, like Carly doing Hallelujah for the billionth time on one of these shows. This song is way overdone and Carly's basically turned this into Leonard Cohen: The Musical. She's still reeling from her performance with Leann and Carly's gone as far as she's going to go.
WGWG's doing his final hick country song like every other he's done this season but who cares as it's time to visit WGWG's hometown again! I see a screaming, raging frau that reminds me why this website needs to exist.
Last up is Fifth Harmony doing Let It Be but it's more like Let It Screech as it's been proven these girls can't do anything decently other than Anything Can Happen. Dinah doesn't need to know if this is a ballad, an uptempo, whatever...she's going to screech as loud as she can. And it's time to visit Planet Camille as she's singing some crap that's has to do with anything other than this song.
Well, that's it for the season and I'm wondering how this show is supposed to be different than Idol after an evening of Feeling Good, Hallelujah and a triple dose of WGWG. Highlight of the night: Tate's hometown!
Check back tomorrow night for a review of the results show...and WGWG's coronation!!!!!!!!!!
That was as a bad as watching Honey Boo Boo, it was like watching a train wreck, you see it happening but you cant turn away from it.. The only thing I can really compare it to and this is for the football fans, it was like watching Mark Sanchez trying to play football!
5H will win. Simon will see to that and for as long as this miserable show continues and we have to suffer through it Simon's act will ALWAYS win. Hey VFTW please consider adding The Voice to your reportoire. The judging is at least a little bit impartial and I actually DO think they count votes. Cheers!
The second round was sad for everybody. Carly and Leann seemed like they didn't even bother rehearse together, rather Leann didn't feel like spending too much time with the 13 year old brat so she just showed up for the first time tonight. Tate's group completely shut him out and he was relegated to dancing helplessly like an idiot. And Demi was more interested in showing off her vocal skills and flirting with Simon and so forgot all about 5th Harmony. In short, awsomeness!
That said I will bet any amount of money Tate takes the prize tomorrow. And shoot, Carly might be the first eliminated.
Tate won't win and here's why. Miss Universe. Tate's hick audience will be watching that so they can pretend their white trash wives are are as hot as those women when they sleep with them tonight. Unfortunately so will 5th harmoney's audience but for different resons. We may be stuck with Sonenblare for the win.
God, what the hell was up with Leann Rimes? She must have been hired by Simon to totally submarine Carly. First she apparently was singing a different song than Carly, then afterward she's draped all over the kid like a long lost pediphile uncle! Then the hometown visits, where every inbred, hillbilly hick in town is trying to convince us that they're the contestants BFF.
Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but aren't there 5 girls in 5th Harmony? They show ONE girls hometown and while she cries and thanks everyone ad nauseum, the other 4 are kind of hanging around embarassed that they are being completely ignored. Didn't seem very fair.
And that tribute to the Newtown shooting victims..it's like they saw the pretty moving tribute that the Voice did on Monday, and thought, "oh, crap! Now we have to do something too!" It seemed false, and that annoying wannabe Backstreet Boy starts his little weird dance thing he does. Who does that? It was a tribute to 20 dead babies, and he's dancing like a damn fool? Sheesh!
Speaking of Backstreet Boys, they're on Jimmy Fallon as I write this. What are they? 45 now? At what age do you stop calling yourself a boy? Just asking.