Final 10: The "Most Creative" lie is the new "Most Talented Singers Ever" lie.

Carly sold 378 copies of her shitty CD in three months! Josiah sold that many in an hour :D

Last night's show was so awful, in a bland, boring way, that it even weighed down your blog a little. But you're still always the highlight of this site for me.

Anyway, when Simon praised KKKristy for her "clever" song choice, I assumed he was simply giving her a backhanded complement for being smart enough to pander to the lowest common denominator of the audience with a song that was immune to criticism from the judges, especially him, as a foreigner. It seems to have worked, as her voting has apparently gone way up. She's even got VFTW voting for her, which is a travesty, since she's a pandering pimped plant. (Note to VFTWers: Sorry, repeating over and over how "funny" she was doesn't make it so. "8 Days a Week" was funny, but I'm betting millions of people think she actually redeemed herself in last night's crapfest.)

I think you're review of Chikezie missed the painfully cheesy aspect of his stage performance. (Sure, he was boring too, but that hand-touching crap and his attempt to defend it made him more VFTW worthy than Kristy, imho.)

You didn't mention Simon's apparent slap at Dadchuleta for David's song choice. Whatever Dad's doing backstage, it must be annoying TPTB enough to openly threaten him with depimping!

Professor, you were way to lenient this time. I think they all deserved F's!

When asked about his prom date Pimplechetta should have paraphrased Eddie Murphy and replied, "Yeah, I'm gonna take that girl to prom. And she's gonna get f#cked!". Aw hell, any reply would have been better than his sitting on the stool like a pile of goo.

On the bright side, I only counted 3 lip licks and 8 major gasps.

Speaking of getting f#cked, it was head-spinning to see Pimp Randy smackdown on CarlyHo for the first time ever this season. Even more so after he slammed Ramielle for sucking in comparrison to CarlyHo.

Is it just me, or is Michael Lee Johns doing a medley every freaking week? He's found his niche, and it's at the Holiday Inn Lounge. To his credit, he does keep his mouth tightly shut when Paula opens hers and starts giving feedback.

Right, I'd forgotten Randy pimped Carly in his first remarks to Ramielle, so that's good enough to downgrade him two ticks to a B. Sorry Randy, I'll take off the first line of my sig though since you're starting to come back to reality.

Well done, Professor, as usual.

Carly must have 378 members in her extended family, nothing else can explain her sales.

I swear to God, when KKKristy belted out "GOD BLESS THE USA" I thought thanks to this website, just for a split second, she MIGHT goof and have it come out "GOD BLESS THE ... KKK" :-P

My take:

C+ Ramiele, Jason - the first two performers were last for 2 different reasons. Sweetheart Ramiele the new worst sang to the best of her ability. Jason nailed the interesting song he sang, but the song had no range and thus doesn't belong in a singing competition. Ramiele should leave tonight if voting were based on ability, and Jason should make top 4, if he recovers from this week.

B+ Syesha, Chikeze - Syesha keeps improving and Chikeze sang his song straight for a change.

B- Brooke, Michael Johns - Both can do better. Johns choice of song(s) was excellent, but not his best work.

B- Carly the Plant - Could have been a B+ but she missed one note early and 2 at the end. For the first time ever her new boss Randy didn't like her. Hmm. Her fashion choice continues to come from The House of Lily Munster and Morticia Adams, and she showed off her fugly arms which is bad for her. Does she have morning sickness?

B Dadchuleta's Chile - Really weird song. I liked it, I didn't know Australian Folk Music existed, but now we do so I learned something. He could/has done better.

B KKKristy - Holy crap! She didn't suck for a change. I guess it's not that surprising given she sang in the one niche (Kornball Kountry) she knows.

A- David Cook - Am I the only one to notice that the last 4 singers were the four biggest Plants on the show? Last 5?

MIA - Amanda - "Rock on ballads suck." Best ... American Idol quote ... ever.

A- Simon, Randy - Simon's usual, Randy gets newfound respect for using minimal Dawgs and Dudes. Did he use any? Also, he criticized Carly. About time.

F- Paula. Her usual grade. She's not drunk, rather she's on some weird combination of meds. The show would be instantly improved if they replaced Paula. Do you know who would make a great replacement for her? Carly Simon. A fringe benefit would be we'd then have two Davids, two Cooks, two Carlys, and two Simons. I like confusion.

Chan -

It was BORING with a major B last night.

But it was interesting to note that it did adhere to my predictions - the one's I made last week about the Producers of AI wanting to get rid of all the contestants who were NOT pros and/or without representation in the music industry.

Who did the so called judges put down the most last night - and I mean really put down?

The amateurs -

1. Ramiele

2. Chikezie.

3. Jason.

All three are amateurs with absolutely no professional singing experience, so it's my belief that the AI producers are setting up the season by knocking off who they want early on, so they can have more viewers as the so called " best singing contest" heats up.

And so far my predictions have come true.

a) I said Danny Noreiga would be booted off because he was Gay and flamboyant.

b) I said they wouldn't boot off David Hernandez that week (when his past come out of the closet) because they had already planned on booting Danny. The producers didn't want to boot two Gay guys at once fearing an outcry of discrimination from the Gay Community. Instead I said they'd kick David Hernandez off the following week.

c) Next week came along and even though KKKristy butchered "It's a Hahd Dey's Naght", the producers still had to get rid of that Gay Stripper, so instead of booting KKKristy, they finally booted Hunky Hernandez.

d) Last week y'all said that KKKristy would go again because her singing was so bad - but I said nope, they'll be chasin' Amanda out of town on her Harley. Why? They don't want no rocker woman - how would they publicize her as an American Idol? KKKristy was needed for the top 10 tour cause she sang C&;W. And what happened? The orchestra was a tad out of sync with themselves which caused Amanda to be a bit out of sync. But with KKKristy, the orchestra was perfectly in sync with themselves. Even though KKKristy's version had a lot to be desired, Amanda was still given the boot.

Note: if you all get a chance - listen to Amanda's studio version of Back to the USSR - it's fantastic!

e) After seeing last night - and hearing the comments, I think we're going to see a varied bottom three. The Producers will throw in one of their top people just to raise the tension (and future viewership - just like they did with Carly last week).

Who do I predict will be in the bottom three?

1. Ramiele

2. Chikezie

3. Carly - or if they're going all Amateur - then Jason.

And who will get the Boot this week:

our little friend Ramiele. Who from what the tabloids are saying is keeping the group together, keeping them from scratching each other's eyes out. So if Ramiele goes, the AI apartment complex may soon turn into a bloodbath.

And Jeb -

I caught Simon's SLAP at Papachulata and had a great laugh at it. And you're right, Papachulata backstage treatment of little Daveychulata must be coming legendary in its own right.

I can imagine the conversation that took place over this song choice...

======================================

Davey, here's your song for next week. (handing the song sheet to Dave).

Papa what song is this?

It's a David Foster song Davey.

Papa........

Davey, try it, you'll like it.

It doesn't make sense Papa. It was a hit down in Australia..no one knows that song here!

Do it Davey.

But Papa. I want to do another song from MY Birth Year.

What song son?

"Vogue" by Madonna! Can't you see me "vogueing" on stage?

NO, YOU WILL NOT DO VOGUE!

But Papa (under his breath: I already sort of vogue with one foot when I sing).

NO!

Papa.....

If I told you once, I've told you a Million times; YOU WILL NEVER SING MADONNA SONGS...NEVER.

But why Papa?

Oh Papa, Please don't hit me again.

(crying) I won't vogue anymore Papa.

I won't sing Madonna anymore Daddy

I'll sing your song Papa.

What's the name of it again?

And Papa, don't preach, anymore.

===================================

Neo-Ken

Jason has connections too. The two left who are not plants are Ramiele and Chikezie.

Based on Dialidol.com, David Cook took the first spot for the first time and only Archuleta (2-3) and Carly (2-5) are safe.

Chikezie or Ramiele will go home this week.

Ramiele - She must be dumb to pick a song she cannot do well given her voice. She could have chosen an easy song like "lost in emotion" by lisa lisa and the cult jam and would have been forgiven. Definitely bottom 3 and in danger.

Jason Castro - I disagree with the judges because this is his range and style. He cannot be a Michael Bolton (thank God) unless he is too stoned. Plus it's too early in the game (yes it's a game) to be too serious. Wait until top 5 to pick another Hallelujah type of song.

Syesha - Did very well Idol style. Most likely safe.

Chikezie - Just ok except that Vandross keeps on resurrecting on some notes. May be in danger.

Brooke White - I liked her performance but nothing spectacular. Very safe.

Michael Johns- Did well on Queen's songs but he might be running out of these type of songs (Fat Bottomed Girls Bucky Covington style might be available). He was able to mask difficulty with high notes by raising his hand and mic like a rock God. He also "creatively" changed the pitch on some glory notes in "We Are the Champions" to avoid humiliation. In fairness, very few could sing like Freddie Mercury as that guy was a eunuch.

Carly - Was good and for the first time Randy did not like it and let Paula do the pimping (probably I'll scratch your back and you scratch my back thing). Probably Randy is getting the heat for being affiliated with Carly even though she was performing the same way every week. Too obvious.

Archuleta - did ok on an obscure song. will cruise to the next round.

Kristy Lee Cook - She was actually better than the first video of "God Bless the USA" as seen here on VFTW. She lowered the pitch to make it safer. Although I liked her dress better when she showed some cleavage in the video.

David Cook - I was very impressed until I found out about the Chris Cornell version. The best performance of the night. Will be interesting if he can "rock" a Barry Manilow song, then we can crown him.

From Neo_Knot's excellent post:

"Who do I predict will be in the bottom three?

1. Ramiele

2. Chikezie

3. Carly - or if they're going all Amateur - then Jason.

And who will get the Boot this week:

our little friend Ramiele. Who from what the tabloids are saying is keeping the group together, keeping them from scratching each other's eyes out. So if Ramiele goes, the AI apartment complex may soon turn into a bloodbath."

Totally agreed, except there is no chance Jason will be voted off. Even when he takes a risk like last night and doesn't do well (like last night), the baby boomer middle-aged moms will vote for him.

Note to Idol co-owners Simon Cowell and Simon Fuller: Your target audience is Middle-Aged Baby Boomer Moms and their 13 and 14-year-old daughters. And Worsters. Those are the ones who vote. If you want your show to succeed keep targeting them (i.e., Archuleta, Cook, and Castro). I don't know how much money you waste on "Marketing Experts," but I'm one myself and there you go and Bob's your uncle and my advice is free. Cheers, mates.