Random Idol Thoughts
Random Idol Thoughts.
-- Two days later and it is STILL funny. I was convinced that Syesha was going home. I stood up and cheered when The Plant bit the dust. That was awesome.
-- Every time a favorite goes home early and someone stays after a terrible performance, it just validates everything we stand for at VFTW. If this show was really about giving the best performance week after week then Brooke or Jason goes home, no questions. Plantson gave one of her best performances Tuesday, so naturally she goes home.
-- I read excerpts from the Plant’s exit interview and she’s still spinning her webs of lies and B.S. She blames the backlash from her past hurting her on Idol. She says that she was only 15 and so she doesn’t even count it as a music career. Plantson also said that her album failed because “it got no promotion.” WHAT?!?!? What delusional world is she living in? She got $2 million dollars of promotion. All of her psychotic rationalizations make my head hurt, so I’m done talking about her. Unless she does anything embarrassing, then I’ll talk about her.
--Goddamn you Simon Cowell for unleashing ANOTHER Mariah Carey clone on the world, Leona Lewis. The main problem with Mariah Carey music, aside from her coloratura in an ear-splitting register is her insipid songwriting and lame material the last 10 years. See, Leona Lewis is young, pretty, not yet crazy and she sings just like MARIAH. I’m sure Simon gets a stiffy every time she hits a high C.
-- From Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love”
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
This has Clive Davis’ greasy fingers of crappy song-engineering all over it. Another soulless lost love ballad about an imaginary relationship, but this time with the cutter imagery of opening a vein and bleeding love all over the place. Gross. Is this supposed to be romantic or sexy?
And who are the people that: “They try to pull me away, but they don’t know the truth”? Nobody gives a crap who you’re boning, honey. NOBODY is trying to pull you way. The truth is that it is all FAKE. It is not about REAL emtions. There is no REAL PERSON that she’s talking about in this song.
-- It would be awesome if some Death Metal band did a cover of that song.
-- A quick youtube search shows that Leona won that X Factor show singing the lamest, most banal diva songs possible. “All By Myself”, “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”, “I Have Nothing”, “A Moment Like This” the deathly terrible winning song from Idol Season 1. Oh, and of course “Lady Marmalade.” Why do little girls love to sing the song about becoming a whore? Oh, right. Practice for their music career.
-- There are rumblings that the Producers will fiddle with the show format next season to try to stop the ratings slide, because adding musical instruments, bringing in Professional Ringers and having two Beatles Nights really powered the ratings this season, right Nigel?
Of course, I have a few ideas.
1. Fire Randy and Paula and bring in someone with ACTUAL MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE! Pick any random record producer and maybe, say, A VOCAL COACH. Or better yet, bring in a chimpanzee. A chimpanzee makes funny faces and throws poo. That’s an IMPROVEMENT over these buffoons.
2. Cut down the horrible singing weeks to a single Two Hours of Bad Singing show. Then have several GOOD singing shows, to promote the talent that we will be watching for the next 15 weeks of the season. Just an idea.
3. Bring back the Hollywood weeks. The behind the scenes cat-fighting and bitchiness really shows what kind of jerks these people are, so then we know who to hate and to root against going into the Final 12.
4. Have a Duet Night. The contestants would square off and try to out-sing each other. That would be awesome and it would force these boring schmoes to get out of their safety zone and really go for it.
5. This will never happen because of the vast amounts of money involved with two (and even three) nights of programming each week…. But GET RID OF THE HORRIBLE RESULTS HOUR. Just do what every other singing show on TV does and announce the losers the following week. “Thanks for showing up but you DON’T GET TO SING this week.” Because they sucked, you know. So we don’t want to hear them sing again.
6. And finally, the person with the most votes each week gets to hit Simon in the nuts with a ballpeen hammer. I’m talking RATINGS!!!
What are your suggestions on how to improve this show? Let me know.
--Chan
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