Canadian Idol's Back...VFTW-proof THIS!

While many may argue what is the hardest job in the World (being President, working with kids, answering VFTW mail), there can be no doubt that the easiest is mine having to come up with humiliating things to say about contestants on Canadian Idol. And while CI may be walking the green mile towards its death, the sneak peek we've gotten at this year's Top 22 has shown us that they're going to do it in style, with all the freaks, trannies, skanks and gender ambiguous contestants any Worster could ever dream of. Read on for a preview of the fame whores we get to mock this coming summer (before forgetting about them this Fall) starting this Tuesday, June 3...

Thanks to a new poster named TONCA (and the fact that IDF and the CI not-so-scaryboard are completely dead), we've made VFTW history by outing these fame whores before anyone else. The girls promise us lots of missed notes, emotional breakdowns, bitchiness, naked pictures and maybe one very special Chick with A Dick. Parveen Chahal (pictured on toilet) appears to be a combination of the hottest and ugliest Idol contestants ever as she's a bit Antonella with her toilet while she's a bit Cunty Shitson with her connection to Canadian Idol judge Farley Flex.

Chloe Abbott is from Newfoundland, meaning she can take a giant, smelly dump on stage every week and still make the Top 6, just like Tara Oram did. Nicole Smith is getting a lot of early hype and looks like she might be a cool girl. But you better not blink as Black girls

disappear faster on this show faster than you can slip on a white hood. We thought we had found Sophia Braunstein and can only hope that the real Sophia is as slutty as the fake one. And get your barf bags ready because Jessica Sheppard and her mom are back, setting up the all-time breakdown as this flake and her psychotic stage mother have to deal with her inevitable shock elimination. Bobbi Miranda looks like this year's attention whore, although she'll have to jump from a tower in flames to match the theatrics of Carly Rae last year. But all these wannabes may be Nathalie Charland's bitches, as the early peek we've gotten at her (pictured with beer) suggests she may be the coolest chick with a dick we've seen since Montana Martin Iles, which is why CI is such a relief after having to deal all winter with the the most evil chick with a dick, Carly Smithson.

And while breakdowns will be aplenty among the girls, the main question with the boys will be What gender is that? Leading our parade of effeminate boys will be Marshall Williams, looking to become the most famous member of the Tranny Football League since Kordell Stewart. Justin Humes from PopStars is our own little Robbie Carrico wannabe, except without the high-end poon, and crappier wig. Giovanni Vincelli is going to tell us he's Italian and he OMGLOVESHISGIRLFRIEND!1!1!1! until I go down to the studio with a baseball bat and make him stop. Jordan Janzen is one ugly mofo. And Canada has its own foreign plant in Martin Kerr, who like all foreign plants, promises to be a major douchebag. But all this may be moot if Uri Maserati (pictured top of page) has really made the show for he looks like the lovechild of Taylor Hicks and Danny Noriega.

While American Idol may attempt the impossible by trying to VFTW-proof their stupid little show, we don't even need to ask if CI will deliver VFTW-friendly contestants. Last year, we exploded in Canada, took control of the CI board, chose the songs for the Idols and had the greatest VFTW run ever. This year, we're leading the way by coming up with the spoilers, just because we wanted to. All the contestants lurve us. There's no stopping VFTW in Canada. But we must beware of one very evil force...a very bald, very fat evil force named Brunton who, in a last desperate attempt to save his dying show, may be up to trickery beyond what he did last year when he anointed his bastard son Brian as the winner, stealing the title from true winner Jaydee Bixby.

Watch for my next blog after the first show on Tuesday. I'll be doing a blog after each show unless...

1-The man makes me work

2-I'm too depressed from CI stabbing us in the back (again)

3-I get lucky!

If you have anything to say, post a comment, send me a PM or put a pair of pants on Uri, for Christ's sake.