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Top 13 - "It's fine being artistic, just not on this show."
Final 13 Sing: "Caw! Caw!"
Howdy Everyone,
How is everyone doing today? It's good to be in the Finals. After endless bad singing and confusion about the stupid Wild Card rules, it's time for VotefortheWorst to reassert our muscle. Yes, it's Voting Time. I was hoping Michael Jackson night was going to be a huge train wreck, but despite only a couple duds, most of the performances were competent, well sung and nacho cheesy made with REAL American (Idol) Cheez, of course.
The reason I started the Vote for the Worst website is because I was rejected at an American Idol audition and I vowed to ruin the show from that day forward. That’s a complete lie. But that’s what most people assume when they read the site. I would never waste my time auditioning for such a terrible show. But being that I run a website that relentlessly mocks American Idol, and being that I found myself at Disney World for a wedding this past weekend, I knew I had to check out this new attraction called The American Idol Experience, at least for shits and giggles. Would it be as stupid and cheesy as the show? Well the only way to find out was to enlist someone to become an insider. So, that I did.
Wild Card Night: "I'm Ready to Sing For You, America!"
Who would've thought that taking boring, crappy singers who nobody wanted to hear sing again, and make them sing again would make for such a boring, crappy show? I mean what idiots would schedule this shit, shoot it, record it and put it on TV? Sure, they always have the trump card in the fact that we're the idiots that WATCH this crap on a Thursday night when there are other FAR more entertaining shows on TV (Like Season Finale of BURN NOTICE... which was awesome. And weird Valentine's episode of THE OFFICE, which was oddly not awesome.)
Not even the swan song of everyone's favorite Diva of Crazy, Tatiana and Anoop's reprise of "Prerogative" could save this show from being flung on the dung heap of boring and pointless Idol episodes.
Wildcard Recap - At Least Tatiana Went Out With a Bang
I have to start my recap with a hearty, “Fuck you, Idol.” Seriously? It was pretty obvious for weeks that a top 13 would happen, but I thought they’d be smart enough to put Tatiana in for maximum entertainment. But no. This top 13 is full of awful, awful people, which actually is great for the site. But for now, I just don’t see the entertainment value of them yet. Maybe I’ll see it next week. Maybe I’ll never see it. The wildcard was a strange show, but at least more fun than the last few weeks thanks to one person: Tatiana Del Toro.
Semi-Finals Results #3: Post-Game Analysis.
She's BaaaaacK! It's clear we're not the only ones enamored of Tatiana. She breaks down. She cries, she thanks everyone in the world. She breaks down again. She's wearing a horrifying polka-dot outfit. YES! The giggling one is back on the show, for at least one more awesome performance. And IF she makes it through to the Finals (we're talking snowballs and hell here) we'll vote the crap out of her.
Oh, and a bunch of other stuff happened tonight, too.
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Semifinals Group 3: "May I remind you on this show we do not allow democracy"
Well, we’re almost done with the ridiculous voting format that doesn’t give the little guys a chance. Seriously, how amazingly easy has it been to predict the top 3 each week? This week is clearly Lil-Scott-Jorge. Outside shot on Jorge not making it, but come on, it’s doubtful. It’s more predictable than Paula being drunk. Than Simon being cocky. Than Kara wanting some cocky. It’s no wonder Idol’s ratings are still sinking fast. Without being able to look forward to surprising results, the show gets stale. So I’m really looking forward to the top 12, where VFTW and others will at least have a tinge of unpredictability and the chance to actually do something. Otherwise, this show is seriously making me fall asleep. And not in a good daydream kind of way. In a sleep apnea I can’t breathe and I’d rather suffocate than continue to watch this show kind of way. At least this week, Alex brought the VFTW goods.
Semi Finals #3: "It's about doing it when it has meaning!"
Howdy Class,
This week's episode had all the standard Idol components, but on HGH. Kara was hornier than a three-peckered goat in a pheromones factory. Paula was drunk and retarded. Randy was just retarded. And Simon was bored and lazy. He's not just half-assing it this season, he's quarter-assing it. And Ryan, well he was on point with his awesomely unfunny non-jokes, awkward moments and inappropriate touching of the male contestants. Every time he does it, it's worth two drinks at my viewing parties. Sadly, we weren't drinking tonight. Because we're talking Hammered Idol Part 2, if that happened.
As if this show hasn’t jumped the shark yet, this week will probably do in the Idol franchise. After adding in a top 13 with a different number because Idol didn’t plan ahead and think to buy 1-866-IDOLS-13, adding a fourth judge that says nothing interesting and hits on the contestants, changing the semifinal format to eliminate any contestant who has any bit of controversy, and announcing the judges as they walk in as if people care about them… apparently there is another twist. Rumor has it that the judges will be deciding who goes home out of the bottom 2 or 3. If Idol thinks its ratings are down now, just wait till they unleash that puppy.