Blogs
First Day of Hollywood - "It’s On My Skin and Bursts Out of Me Every Time I’m On Stage."
American Idol has an Asian problem. The Asians featured on the show are there for one reason: to be laughed at. The producers seem to think Asian Americans are either morbidly bad singers (William Hung) or disposable clowns (Sanjaya Malakar). Asian contestants are not considered serious contenders; they are "cannon fodder."
In response to the stereotyping that is a staple of this small-minded show, this edition of the Good Music Corner focuses on the contemporary music of Asians. From the sugary froth of J-Pop, to Thailand's pleng phua cheewit, to the spinning rhythms of South Korea's b-boy scene, these are serious musicians with serious chops.
America is a country of many heritages. Now on it's 8th season, it is high time Idol acknowledged the musicianship of some talented Asians... or even crowned an Asian American Idol.
Episode 6: Kara is a Closet Worster-- Yeah!
So unluckily for me "The Office" is a re-run tonight. That means I have to gut out another crappy bad singing episode. But happily it is the LAST bad singing episode and a lot of Worst talent snuck through tonight. LOTS of Worst Talent.
In a somewhat unsettling way Idol cross-cuts from New York to Puerto Rico. Apparenlty the Puerto Rican auditions sucked really hard, but the New York non-talents looked equally terrible to me.
Seacrest promises: "Saving our best for last." And if you believe that then Season 7 was "the Most Talented Ever." And Seacrest "likes" girls.
----
New York and San Juan Auditions - Wait... I Actually Liked These People? Am I Alright?
You know what? I actually liked this episode. I know, right? Knock me down with a fucking feather. But New York City and Puerto Rico brought us some totally awesome VFTW picks, so I can’t complain. For once, I didn’t want to shoot myself while watching the show. Now mind you, I did get bored in parts. The producers clearly still have no idea how to put a television show together. But it’s like they’re finally trying a little harder. So good for them. I’ll get them a big boy ribbon and an ice cream cone! I do have to warn you though, I don’t make as many jokes this time around because I actually enjoyed some of these people. More snark to return in the next recap.
Episode 6: Raped by a Giant Pink Rabbit
I was bamboozled. I stupidly thought that this was the final bad singing episode. But oh no. We have two more crappy hours with the New York, Puerto Rico double dip tomorrow. Eegads.
-----
We start this show off with a Girls Gone Wild Drew Carey looking guy who flashes his saggy man-boobs. Too bad we didn't get to hear him sing. But 5 seconds of GGW Drew already makes tonight more entertaining than the terrible Jacksonville show. Then again, it's like saying stepping in dry dog crap is so much better than stepping in fresh dog crap. It's still shades of crap.
Salt Lake City Auditions - Grate the Parmesan, Please
We open up the Salt Lake City auditions with Paula telling us that this is the city where High School Musical is filmed. Wow, what an accomplishment. It’s also the home of the Osmond family. And guess what? Randomly, an Osmond decides to try out for Idol. What a coincidence! David Osmond, son of Alan, nephew of Donny and Marie, talks about his plantiness, but then switches it up to add in his sob story about having MS and previously being wheelchair bound. Didn’t see that curveball coming. But when he sings “Something Within Me”, he’s definitely an Osmond, cheese and all. The melisma is turned up to Von levels and his voice is quite grating, probably because it’s so cheesy. Get it? Cheese grating? See, I pulled an Osmond style joke. Kill me now. The judges all don’t know about him. Kara says that when he adds too many runs to his song, it doesn’t tell us what kind of artist he’ll be. Here’s a hint, Kara. He’s an Osmond. And as if his audition wasn’t already a waste of time, he pulls the “I didn’t get a ticket… oh yes I did” fake out.
Episode 5: worst Idol episode ever with no capital 'W'.
This was the worst Episode of Idol Ever and not in a good way.
Well, this season has hit a new low. Not in a train wreck exciting blood and gore way. Or even in a horrible singing, making fun of the handicapped way either. We've hit the nadir of this season and possibly the worst episode in 8 years of Idol, including Beatles Week Part Deux from last year. And THAT one was terrible.
Jacksonville Auditions - Besides Julissa? Next.
Well, I hoped that this episode would be good. But of course, I was foolish. This show is never good. And the Jacksonville auditions were probably the worst yet. Only one person really entertained me. The rest were too busy reading the producers’ scripts about how Jacksonville was named after Randy Jackson. Seriously? That’s the best line the show could come up with? I don’t think I can do this anymore. I guess I’ll have to wait anxiously for the return of VFTW Queen Von Smith and his specrapular melisma. Because this episode was so bad, I will cut off my commentary on contestants when I get bored of them.
147 random singers that were decent at blowing the judges have made it to Hollywood. Ryan calls this year’s talent unbelievable. I call it decent. There were some decent people tonight that made me root for them. There were some obnoxious people that made me root for them even more. There were some complete train wrecks. And then there’s Von.