This week, American Idol—a show that already takes itself very seriously—takes itself even more seriously with Idol Gives Back.  The theme is about what inspires you.  Well, this is VFTW.  What inspires VFTW is the tuneless, the tasteless, and the terrible: bad music.  And I mean bad in the best possible way.   

There is an outrageous, kitschy appeal in bad music.  Many people who visit VFTW don’t understand this, so it’s time to bridge the gap and open some minds.  Music doesn’t have to be popular.  It doesn’t have to be pretentious.  It doesn’t even have to be in tune to be entertaining.   

For a break from all the seriousness of this week, please enjoy these dreadful suggestions.  They’re awesome.  

“Common People” by William Shatner

This song rocks.  It’s William Shatner, and it rocks.  

The man can’t sing, something he fully owns up to.  Which is why he talks his way through his songs and recruited Ben Folds to do all the arrangements for his spoken-word album, Has Been. Joe Jackson helps Captain Kirk out with those pesky vocals by singing the choruses of this ironic cover (“Common People” is a pretty popular indie single originally recorded by Pulp).  

Gritty rock lyrics and Shatner’s rumbling voice paint a portrait of a girl who slums it for all the wrong reasons and gets rightfully served.  The track is gold; the album is gold.  I probably shouldn’t even label it “so bad it’s good,” because I could make an argument that this cover of “Common People” is actually, legitimately good. 

But because William Shatner performs it, nobody would believe me.   

 “Cows” by The Seldom Herd

If I was five, this would be my favorite song, and I would be the coolest kid in kindergarten.  It’s from the children’s sing-a-long, Philadelphia Chickens, by Sandra Boynton and Michael Ford.  The award-winning book/album features some famous voices (Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep) and is meant to be a series of showtunes from an all-animal Broadway review.  “Cows” is the opening chorus line, and those Holsteins sure know how to take it home at the end.  “Pay attention we’re cows!  Did we mention we’re cows?  Now our number is through.  Moo-bee-doo-bee-moo-moo.”  

Afterward, skip ahead to the Aaaardvarks, who do their own version of “Cows” at the opening of their contribution, “The Intermission Song!”  It’s actually pretty funny.  

“Move Your Ass!” by Scooter 

This one goes out to the POSSE!

I had a party-girl roommate, and it was she who introduced me to the fab-ness of the techno band Scooter and their frenetic German rave music.  We spent an entire evening drinking wine and having a marvelous time with Scooter’s album, 24 Carat Gold.  Half the time we were jumping around like manic ravers; the other half we were rolling on the floor with laughter.  My favorite part of “Move Your Ass!” is when frontman H.P. Baxxter breaks from shouting his crowd pumping one-liners to utter the following words of wisdom: “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”  Awesomeness. 

Close second: “Dragostea Din Tei” by O-Zone, a.k.a. the "Numa-Numa" song.  O-Zone is an Eastern European boy band from Moldova, and the track comes from their album DiscO-Zone.  It was a number one European dance single and enjoyed a brief boom of American internet popularity in 2004. I dare you--DARE YOU!--to make it through this song without smiling.  

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