| Duke of Vandals |
 Posted: May 14, 2008 - 10:54am |
|
|
Joined: 13 May 2008
|
I told my husband before we sat down and watched that this would be the longest hour of our lives.
I was right. Thankfully, we left our house immediately after the suckfest to see a showing of "Persepolis" and so my brain was revitalized.
__________________________
When You Curse Others Those Curse Will Go Back To You , Itty It.
--Marlea, mailbag 5/29/08
As you can already tell, I am a very good insulter so I suggest leaving now before you get hurt and ashamed by my words.
--Haleigh, mailbag 4/8/09
|
|
|
|
|
| Liquid Ice |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 11:09am |
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2008
|
I actually liked Syesha's version of "If I Ain't Got You" (She had lots of time to practice since the last time she preformed it on TV). Her second song was her pandering for the male votes and older votes. The third song I barely remember it.
David A. 1st song was really boring. 2nd song very akward and agreed with what Randy said about it being odd for a white guy to sing it (It's not everyday you see an emotionally scarred teen sing that!) 3rd song was also boring.
David C. I just don't like the genre he sings (bar a few exceptions) and I and my father agreed that it was a screamfest. The "Cougars for Cook" sign was hilarious and Paula just seems to hint that she wants to sleep with David every time he preforms :/
I wonder if they will pull a "Melinda Doolittle" tonight. I'm aware that other than the tweens David C. is the favorite to win.
|
|
|
|
|
| jaysomniac |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 11:30am |
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2008
|
Does Paula always hit on the girls? She start a critique without "You look beautiful tonight." Her note cards probably look like this:
1. Comment on appearance (positively)
2. (she can barely read nigel's handwriting at this point) Tell artist that they were good/bad (depending on how AI wants the vote to go)
3. Take a drink of your rum and sit back
AI needs to fire Randy, his note card:
1. Yo Yo, Dawg, Yo, Dawg, check it out, listen, check it out, jigga what, man you know you can flow with me,
2. Was a bit pitchy, but I liked it
3. Prepare to eject Paula if she screws up her lines
|
|
|
|
|
| YourIdol |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 11:34am |
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2008
|
Hey!
Did anyone else notice Randy saying something about Snoreesha coming in "the 3rd spot", even though she sang second?
|
|
|
|
|
| thatwashardcore |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 11:40am |
|
|
|
Joined: 21 Apr 2008
|
David Cook is lame. I hope that after he wins (if he does) he ends up playing covers of Nickelback songs in shitty dive bars for truckers and Hell's Angels that will kick his ass in the parking lot after the show. Or better yet, they can rush him onstage and kick his ass in the middle of his show. Either way.
__________________________
"You have a uniqueness that's all your own, and that's you. If you stay true to yourself, then you'll be you."
-- Paula Abdul's words of wisdom
|
|
|
|
|
| Emothius |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 12:16pm |
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2008
|
Reply to Disillusioned-and-Disturbed's comment:
Yeah I heard that too, and I was like WTF? Randy basically said something like "you did a good job finishing up 3rd in this competition". I don't know if he actually meant good job being in top 3 though, since Randy is retarded and his vocab. consists only of "dawg, man and yo", and he might have used the wrong words in the sentence. (Still very fishy)
Anyways, David Enchilada's performances were so bad that I can't think of any reason why he's still in the competition .. no offense but the only people who's voting for him are probably Hannah Montana's fans. He can probably do a sexy duet with her and shake his little monkey ass. (he knows deep down he wants to wear Paula's dress because he hates his bottom shirt)
|
|
|
|
|
| PiratePoppet |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 2:49pm |
|
|
Joined: 20 Feb 2008
|
Great recap as always, and I laughed so hard at the Transformers comment.
"With You" was such a trainwreck. I loved it. The only time I wasn't bored out of my mind by Pimpchuleta. *sigh* Too bad it couldn't have lasted and he went right back into boring melisma-crazy David. Really, Longer was my parent's wedding song, and even they thought it was schmaltzy and boring.
|
|
|
|
|
| Weenrocks |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 5:00pm |
|
|
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
|
Funny as always Professor Chan! But I got an even bigger laugh from that post that said "Don't make fun of Switchfoot, I saw them at a county fair last year and they were great."
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
| Neo_Knot |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 5:29pm |
|
|
Joined: 05 Mar 2008
|
Diggin -- I thought Cougars was the name of his High School Mascot.
Now if the sign said - "BEAVERS FOR COOK" that would have made me laugh.
And if the group's high school mascot was a rooster, the sign could have said -
"COCKS FOR COOK" and that would have made me pee in my pants from laughing!
Neo-Ken
__________________________
"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance" George B. Shaw
|
|
|
|
|
| homsar773 |
| Posted: May 14, 2008 - 5:34pm |
|
|
|
Joined: 27 Apr 2008
|
Hey, is anyone here watching the offing episode tonight? I'd like to know who gets it tonight, but I'm on a Design Project team at my school, and our compliance test is tomorrow, so I can't bail to watch the episode (which should only be 5 minutes in the first place). How soon does VFTW post the result of who got offed?
|
|
|
|
|
Finally the gloriously bad Idol episode that we’ve all been waiting for. All sorts of musical attrocities were committed, including a song sung by penguins and a love song about a giant meteor. Yes!!! I loved it.
Everyone got in the spirit tonight. Simon was on-point all night, including picking the ONLY decent song of the evening for David Cook. Paula was actually sober and coherent, making strong points about the singing and performances, as if her job depended on her, you know, judging the damn show. Seacrest making his unfunny non-jokes and Randy spending the whole evening trying to stroke his own ego. That was some episode. Oh, and Lloyd from “Entourage” was in attendance. Good stuff.
----------
Tonight was the annual Judge Song choice, Idol song and Producer Nigel’s song choice game.
Remember when the whole home city would come out to celebrate the Final 3 Idols of seasons past? Not so much this time. Cook gets his song choice text while on a TV news show, and only Mayor McMoustache of Archuleta’s hometown of Backwater, Texas decided to make a big deal about his Judge’s song choice while no doubt crowning David the Acting Governor of Texas for the day.
---------
David Archuleta -
Paula’s Song - “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel
Paula chose this song because David “can handle the melodies.” Well Archuleta takes a vanilla ballad from the Joel-meister and blandifies the hell out of it. He's sucking the joy and energy out of the thing. He squints, he wheezes, he puts me to sleep. David also throws in his now trade-marked lyrical flub and made the whole thing feel ponderously slow. A Looooong 90 seconds of my life that I won’t get back.
GRADE: D
David’s Choice- “Without You” by Chris Brown
Now David embraces the VFTW Crown and runs with it. He chooses a modern-day teeny-pop disposable ditty from Chris “I got to sing with Jordan Sparks before she lost her voice forever” Brown. David shows off his muppet dancing and stage awkwardness while trying to be “cool” singing about “my boo.” There’s nothing as tragically un-hip about a total dweeb like Archuleta trying to be cool. This was Kevin Covais-like Awesome.
GRADE: FAIL -- VFTW AWARD WINNER!!!
Producer’s Dismally Bad Song Choice: “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg
This song takes painfully boring to a new level. David assumes a beatific “I’m singing about The Lord because my Daddy doesn’t let me talk to girls” tone and it’s all downhill from there. David is wearing his Sunday best buttoned-up Mormon on the Make shirt and sings up a storm. David achieves a courageous level of boring tonight. Simon has the guts to rightfully call it “a gooey” song, and lambasts it, while praising David’s competent but unexceptional vocals. I’m not as accepting as Simon.
GRADE: FAIL -- The terrible, cheesy songs didn’t help his Idol mission. Even David’s attempt at modern-day relevance was naive, awkward and laughable.
-------
Syesha Mercado
Randy’s Song: “If I Ain't Got You” by Alicia Keys
Randy the Bobo sets Syesha up for failure by assigning her this big, belting song with only 90 seconds to get to any kind of emotional pay-off. Syesha falls back on her go-to Whitney runs and smiley vote-mongering. It’s a step back for Syesha, and a boring performance, to boot. The Back-up singers really carried her on this one.
Syesha defends her mediocre performance with: “I’m just being myself, you know?” And yourself is obnoxious, which is the problem.
GRADE: C
Syesha’s Song: “Fever” by Peggy Lee
Syesha goes all Broadway as she seems to be auditioning for the touring cast of “Cabaret.” It takes some of the sexiness out of the whole thing when Syesha is forced to explain the use of the chair, before she sits on and around it for the song. This was a mediocre rendering of a sung sung into redundancy by everyone with a pair of boobs and a voice. Also, I’ve never bought Syesha’s brand of forced sexiness. There’s too much actor-ing in the performance and not enough va-va-vavoom.
Randy says it’s a “burning” Fever. But it’s more like a phlegmy cold.
GRADE: D -- Old-fashioned and unsexy. Nobody wants to see Granny getting down.
Producer’s Dismally Bad Song Choice: Something called “Hit Me Up” apparently from the singing/dancing penguin movie, “Happy Feet.”
Syesha is left out to dry with this dippy-doo Disney-fied joke of a song. Syesha can’t really dance to it, and there’s not a whole lot to sing either. It’s like the Producers are trying to send her home. Syesha is off-key and it’s mostly terrible.
GRADE: FAIL -- Syesha almost gives Archuleta a run for VFTW-worthiness tonight. Almost.
-------
David Cook
Simon’s Song: “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” by Roberta Flack.
I certainly wasn’t looking forward to this weepy, drivel song when I heard it was foisted upon Cook, but damn, did he extract every ounce of goodness from it. But if a guy can make Lionel Richie’s “Hello” entertaining I guess he can do anything. And yes, I know that was a rip-off. This probably was too, but it doesn’t matter. Cook gives one of those goose-bump causing perormances that is his Idol coronation song..
GRADE: A -- This was excellent, Cook’s raspiness and soaring vocals came together with emotional resonance. Nice time to hit a homerun, dude.
David’s Choice: “Dare To Move You” by a band called Switchfoot, apparently.
Just another drippy Daughtry-Fuel-Nichelback MOR “grunge” ballad that made me wince. This is probably what Cook’s Idol-winning album will sound like. I know this because this is what Daughtry’s Idol album sounds like. But with extra elevator-quality keyboards.
GRADE: C -- Cook sings it fine, but it sounded like Christian Rock to me. Blame Creed for ruining Christion Rock for everyone.
Producer’s Dismally Terrible Song Choice: “That Damned Asteroid Song” by Aerosmith.
Tonight was like a “This Is Your Musical Life” episode for David Cook. First was his pre-Idol edgy, artistic exploration phase of his career. Then his post-Idol suck factory song. And then this was his Closing Credits track to Transformers 4: BumbleBee’s Radical Adventure. It’ll probably be called “Transform My Heart.” And Diane Warren, the epitome of schmaltzy, adult contemporary dreck song-crafting, will have scribbled it down on a napkin before collecting her 185th Grammy.
GRADE: C -- And this was STILL better than anyone else tonight.
------
If anybody but David Cook wins this show American Idol should be canceled the next day, because he is so much better than the other two pretenders. Much better. Plus, I want to hear him sing the shitty Idol-Winner Song. That will make me laugh.
--Chan
__________________________
Professor Chan For Questions, Comments, Fan Mail --