Welcome to the Final Three Week. I can't say that I was all that excited for the "Judges pick a crappy song, Idols pick an even crappier song" themed night. And after experiencing it, I am even less excited to suffer through the 18 hours of the Idol Final next week. Since the judges all but anointed Adam the champion this week any thrills for the Finals have been killed. I'll still watch, hoping for a Tatiana/Normund duet... and some VFTW moments when the Idols get out-sung by their older, more famous and more desperate duet-partners. Simon practically begged us to vote for Adam. But then again, the Idol winners have been a foregone conclusion ever since Clay Aiken nearly uprooted Ruben as the people's champion, no small feat uprooting the Velvet Teddy Bear after inertia sets in.
At least Kara and Paula were off their meds tonight, as they both were mostly incoherent and pandering, in their own ways.
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To start the show Ryan references the Adam Lambert VS. Delusional Girl video. I saw a video online where some chick bum-rushed you. We'll talk about that later."
I saw a video online featuring Gokey that Ryan suspiciously does NOT mention. (Hint: It's on our front page.)
Danny Gokey -- "Dance Little Sister" by The Artist Formerly Known as Terence Trent D'arby.
In the bio video when Gokey gets the word he's being forced to sing this unknown TAFKATTD the local DJ asks him, "How do you feel about singing that?" "I don't know, retorts the razor-wit Danny. After being dealt this doozy of a song I'd be feeling pretty screwed. It was minor hit for Terence, reaching #30 on the charts before most Idol Voting-tards were born. (Thanks Wikipedia.)
I laughed out loud as the opening line of the song is: "Give up the ghost that's haunting you." Nice job song-picking, Paula. It plays right into our VFTW wheel-house by simultaneously reminding the Gokey-Heads about Gokey's dead wife and also boring the living crap out of the rest of us. Gokey is in full-on shout mode from the start, and only lets up to do a vocal scat-sing break down with an awful saxophone player that's even more out of tune than Gokey was.
And his awful non-dancing is always good for a laugh.
GRADE: D -- Not bad enough for VFTW contender-ship.
Second Song: "You Are So Beautiful" as sung by Taylor Hicks doing his Joe Cocker impression.
Gokey the schmaltz king is immediately drawn to the dreariest, hoakiest song available. One bar in and I want to puke. He's so over the top and earnest and wearing tight pants. He's just pandering hard for the old lady vote. Each of the three Finalists know where their bread is buttered and are trying to out Easy Listenin' his opponents.
To give him credit, he found a song that he sounds good on and also reminds us of his dead wife.
Randy is so blown away he goes full 'tard repeating everything in triplets. "You can really, really, really sing" and "Mad, mad, mad vocals."
Paula says the song allowed Gokey to "do your magic to it" as I throw up again.
Simon calls it a "Vocal Master Class" and I throw up a third time, showing my solidarity with Randy.
FINAL GRADE: FAIL -- With the two dismal performances, added to his primal scream from last week, Gokey should be gone. So that means he's a lock for the Final Two.
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Kris Allen -- "Apologize" by One Republic.
From Wikipedia:
"Apologize" is the most legally downloaded song in US digital history with sales of over 4.3 million digital downloads in the US alone." And: "Apologize" was the biggest radio airplay hit in the history of Top 40 radio in North America, racking up 10,331 spins in one week. The song held the number one position for five months..."
I just have to say sometimes it's a blessing to be old and out of touch if it means I never have to hear this dreck again, let alone 10,000 times in one week.
Kris is trying too hard on this tuneless, drippy song. His performance is affected but he's not bad. This is the kind of song the Evil Idol Record Producers would want him to sing. Or rather, they don't give a crap what Kris sings as long as he sells 5 million copies of it.
The fun begins when Kara moans about how Kris played piano and how she really wanted him to play acoustic guitar. Say what? Kara is a big moron for wasting her breath griping over which instrument he should be playing. Simon calls her out on her crap by suggesting that she should've told Kris how she wanted him to sing it. Kara gets pissy and defensive and comes back with "like you've ever arranged a song before." I could almost see her clawing at Simon's eyes. Paula needs to be restrained.
Paula says Kris "hit a bum note, and unfortunately it was really loud." Because it's okay to hit a bum note if it's really quiet. Either way, Paula's an idiot because the song sounded fine to me. Just boring and generic, which isn't Kris' fault.
GRADE: C+
Second Song: "Heartless" a Kanye West song as covered by The Fray. Well played, Mr. Allen.
Of course Allen is playing acoustic guitar on this song, which explains why he didn't do it on Kara's choice. Kris does a good job of re-doing a weepy modern rock version of a badly sung rap song. Kris definitely wins the Reality TV Strategist of 2009 for his gambit. It's always a good thing when the Idol out-sings the original version. Once again Kris Allen crooked-sings like the dickens. He's affected and mumbling, and makes funny strained faces, and he's not bad. My only gripe is how Kris hits the big chorus and yet the song still doesn't go anywhere.
Of course Kara loses her mind, because she wanted Kris to go Jason Mraz acoustic on HER song. But she's a nitwit. At least Kris picked a contemporary hit for two different artists, unlike Gokey who picked a dreary song that was 35 years old.
GRADE: B --- Simon all but declares Kris as the 2009 Runner-up to Adam Lambert, so he did a good job.
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Adam Lambert - "One" by U2.
Adam starts off with the Easy Listening version of the song which was pretty good... but he must've started his Idol Acceptance speech one minute too soon, as he launches into pained shrieks in the second half of the song, and the performance falls apart. He's still miles ahead of Kris and Gokey in terms of stage presence and dramatics, but he was especially shrill on this one.
GRADE: B -- Adam gets to sing the best song of the night, and does both a weepy, dreary ballad AND an over-the-top shriek-fest all in one minute-45 second span.
Second Song: "Cryin'"... One of the "great old songs" by Aerosmith
Oh, yeah, this was Adam throwing down the gauntlet on the Gokester. He said, "bitch, this is how you do Aerosmith right."
Adam finally queens out on the song, with his sneering and prancing, but I think the sheer awfulness of the song overwhelms him. It begins as a bit of a mess with the background singer trying to out-shout Lambert in a completely different key, then Adam takes it from there and screeches and squeals through the rest of the song.
GRADE: C -- Definitely not one of his best, but he gives his fans what they want. And then Simon begs for some more votes. Bonus points for Lambert for going for the humble "Kris and Danny are really talented, anything can happen" line. He's lying, but he sounded earnest saying it.
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And that was that. Three pretty good singers wasting their talents on mostly dreary songs. Yep, that about sums up Idol Season 8 for me.
So, what did you think?
--Chan
__________________________
Professor Chan For Questions, Comments, Fan Mail --
OMG, thanks Panderer. Can't imagine the sense of relief of not having to watch this idiocy anymore. What a fucking long season.
An article in our paper today said that Kelly Clarkson, David Cook and Gaspy are playing at our fair this summer. Has beens already playing the fair circuit. Sheesh. Although the San Diego Co fair is the 6th largest in the country, what an epic fail for these AI "winners". Way to not be in the studio making records or on your own tour. Losers!!
I agree with all the comments about the AI backup musicians. They suck the big one. Once in awhile they get a pretty good guitarist featured but that saxaphone guy and the woman who out shrieked Glambert were awful! *hurls a little*
__________________________
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace--
Jimi Hendrix
Screamin', that is pretty pathetic about Cook & Gaspy already consigned to the fair circuit, especially since they're supposedly rising stars being guided by that uberforce of modern music, 19E.
Either that's the best they can get them already, which means season 7 was all for naught (and AI8 will be even worse), or there isn't one single person at that company that knows how to map out a successful career for their clients.
Or a bit of both.
The back-up singers and musicians suck because you get what you pay for, and the producers are more interested in how much cash they can stuff into their own pockets.
One of the legacies of Reagonomics was that the easiest way to boost the bottom line is to cut costs; the easiest cost to cut is payroll. That's why you never hear anyone say "personnel" anymore; it's "human resources". We were all reduced to the status of a disposable commodity.
"I know none of you will get it, but I really wanted to see Danny sing Disco Duck. Every since one worster had a icon of Danny dancing, I have always thought of Disco Duck."
That's one of the funniest posts I've read in a while!
Surprised not more has been made of Randy's & Simon's argument over whether or not Randy could create the arrangement for Danny. Randy's on the show 8 years and he still doesn't know the rules? Or did Simon just invent a new rule on the fly, like they always do?
Van--it truly is pathetic how 19E does their "stars" (reams them royally). If Adam and Kris get lucky, Goatface will win and wind up playing dog races and A & K will go on to have successful careers.
Grrrr. Don't get me started on Reagan. This poopfest is bad enough......
__________________________
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace--
Jimi Hendrix
Panderer just saved me a whole lotta time. I'll be slicing my wrists before this looonnnngg season is finally over.
I still think that back-up singer was either a 'plant' by Glambert....who wants to get the hell out of there....or planted by DWD. Genius manuever either way.
__________________________
People say there's no reason to hit a woman. There's plenty of reasons. You just don't do it! - Chris Rock
I really don't know what the deal is here. Adam was completely mind-numbingly boring in his first performance, and his second was just god awful. Yet they're fawning over him like he's the second coming.
Okay, so I have watched this show since the first season and every season seems to be more and more ridiculous. Personally I feel that the "Simon and Paula" show is disrespectful and awkward toward the contestants, not to mention Ryan seems mortified having to ref on live TV. It doesn't make one f-ing difference who wins, because no one will remember that these kids had any talent, just that this was the biggest waste of time. All three contestants leave alot to be desired, and will sell a few records their first year and then quietly fade into the suitcase of the other AI's that you don't hear about anymore. (unless you are watching the TV guide channel @ 2am)
Well that was the most shite show of the season wasn't it? I must admit, I had to muster up the enthusiasm to watch it, because after caw-caw jnr went out last week, I don't really like any of the others. But I watched it on the off-chance that Adam would flame out big time. Some hope, he's playing it too safe now, and sucked big time last night.
The most entertaining thing in the show was watching Randy basically tell Kris to pack his bags. "It's good we got to see what kind of artist you are" he said after that first song, "because we already bought your train ticket for thursday." Then Simon had to try to rescue things when the producers panicked that if everyone thought it was a foregone conclusion, they might not vote so much and so they wouldn't get so much moolah from the premium rate phone lines.
Welcome to the Final Three Week. I can't say that I was all that excited for the "Judges pick a crappy song, Idols pick an even crappier song" themed night. And after experiencing it, I am even less excited to suffer through the 18 hours of the Idol Final next week. Since the judges all but anointed Adam the champion this week any thrills for the Finals have been killed. I'll still watch, hoping for a Tatiana/Normund duet... and some VFTW moments when the Idols get out-sung by their older, more famous and more desperate duet-partners. Simon practically begged us to vote for Adam. But then again, the Idol winners have been a foregone conclusion ever since Clay Aiken nearly uprooted Ruben as the people's champion, no small feat uprooting the Velvet Teddy Bear after inertia sets in.
At least Kara and Paula were off their meds tonight, as they both were mostly incoherent and pandering, in their own ways.
----------------------
To start the show Ryan references the Adam Lambert VS. Delusional Girl video. I saw a video online where some chick bum-rushed you. We'll talk about that later."
I saw a video online featuring Gokey that Ryan suspiciously does NOT mention. (Hint: It's on our front page.)
Danny Gokey -- "Dance Little Sister" by The Artist Formerly Known as Terence Trent D'arby.
In the bio video when Gokey gets the word he's being forced to sing this unknown TAFKATTD the local DJ asks him, "How do you feel about singing that?" "I don't know, retorts the razor-wit Danny. After being dealt this doozy of a song I'd be feeling pretty screwed. It was minor hit for Terence, reaching #30 on the charts before most Idol Voting-tards were born. (Thanks Wikipedia.)
I laughed out loud as the opening line of the song is: "Give up the ghost that's haunting you." Nice job song-picking, Paula. It plays right into our VFTW wheel-house by simultaneously reminding the Gokey-Heads about Gokey's dead wife and also boring the living crap out of the rest of us. Gokey is in full-on shout mode from the start, and only lets up to do a vocal scat-sing break down with an awful saxophone player that's even more out of tune than Gokey was.
And his awful non-dancing is always good for a laugh.
GRADE: D -- Not bad enough for VFTW contender-ship.
Second Song: "You Are So Beautiful" as sung by Taylor Hicks doing his Joe Cocker impression.
Gokey the schmaltz king is immediately drawn to the dreariest, hoakiest song available. One bar in and I want to puke. He's so over the top and earnest and wearing tight pants. He's just pandering hard for the old lady vote. Each of the three Finalists know where their bread is buttered and are trying to out Easy Listenin' his opponents.
To give him credit, he found a song that he sounds good on and also reminds us of his dead wife.
Randy is so blown away he goes full 'tard repeating everything in triplets. "You can really, really, really sing" and "Mad, mad, mad vocals."
Paula says the song allowed Gokey to "do your magic to it" as I throw up again.
Simon calls it a "Vocal Master Class" and I throw up a third time, showing my solidarity with Randy.
FINAL GRADE: FAIL -- With the two dismal performances, added to his primal scream from last week, Gokey should be gone. So that means he's a lock for the Final Two.
--------------
Kris Allen -- "Apologize" by One Republic.
From Wikipedia:
"Apologize" is the most legally downloaded song in US digital history with sales of over 4.3 million digital downloads in the US alone." And: "Apologize" was the biggest radio airplay hit in the history of Top 40 radio in North America, racking up 10,331 spins in one week. The song held the number one position for five months..."
I just have to say sometimes it's a blessing to be old and out of touch if it means I never have to hear this dreck again, let alone 10,000 times in one week.
Kris is trying too hard on this tuneless, drippy song. His performance is affected but he's not bad. This is the kind of song the Evil Idol Record Producers would want him to sing. Or rather, they don't give a crap what Kris sings as long as he sells 5 million copies of it.
The fun begins when Kara moans about how Kris played piano and how she really wanted him to play acoustic guitar. Say what? Kara is a big moron for wasting her breath griping over which instrument he should be playing. Simon calls her out on her crap by suggesting that she should've told Kris how she wanted him to sing it. Kara gets pissy and defensive and comes back with "like you've ever arranged a song before." I could almost see her clawing at Simon's eyes. Paula needs to be restrained.
Paula says Kris "hit a bum note, and unfortunately it was really loud." Because it's okay to hit a bum note if it's really quiet. Either way, Paula's an idiot because the song sounded fine to me. Just boring and generic, which isn't Kris' fault.
GRADE: C+
Second Song: "Heartless" a Kanye West song as covered by The Fray. Well played, Mr. Allen.
Of course Allen is playing acoustic guitar on this song, which explains why he didn't do it on Kara's choice. Kris does a good job of re-doing a weepy modern rock version of a badly sung rap song. Kris definitely wins the Reality TV Strategist of 2009 for his gambit. It's always a good thing when the Idol out-sings the original version. Once again Kris Allen crooked-sings like the dickens. He's affected and mumbling, and makes funny strained faces, and he's not bad. My only gripe is how Kris hits the big chorus and yet the song still doesn't go anywhere.
Of course Kara loses her mind, because she wanted Kris to go Jason Mraz acoustic on HER song. But she's a nitwit. At least Kris picked a contemporary hit for two different artists, unlike Gokey who picked a dreary song that was 35 years old.
GRADE: B --- Simon all but declares Kris as the 2009 Runner-up to Adam Lambert, so he did a good job.
-------------
Adam Lambert - "One" by U2.
Adam starts off with the Easy Listening version of the song which was pretty good... but he must've started his Idol Acceptance speech one minute too soon, as he launches into pained shrieks in the second half of the song, and the performance falls apart. He's still miles ahead of Kris and Gokey in terms of stage presence and dramatics, but he was especially shrill on this one.
GRADE: B -- Adam gets to sing the best song of the night, and does both a weepy, dreary ballad AND an over-the-top shriek-fest all in one minute-45 second span.
Second Song: "Cryin'"... One of the "great old songs" by Aerosmith
Oh, yeah, this was Adam throwing down the gauntlet on the Gokester. He said, "bitch, this is how you do Aerosmith right."
Adam finally queens out on the song, with his sneering and prancing, but I think the sheer awfulness of the song overwhelms him. It begins as a bit of a mess with the background singer trying to out-shout Lambert in a completely different key, then Adam takes it from there and screeches and squeals through the rest of the song.
GRADE: C -- Definitely not one of his best, but he gives his fans what they want. And then Simon begs for some more votes. Bonus points for Lambert for going for the humble "Kris and Danny are really talented, anything can happen" line. He's lying, but he sounded earnest saying it.
-----------
And that was that. Three pretty good singers wasting their talents on mostly dreary songs. Yep, that about sums up Idol Season 8 for me.
So, what did you think?
--Chan
__________________________
Professor Chan For Questions, Comments, Fan Mail --