Final 3: Gokey Goes Down!

How the mighty have fallen.  Oh, Idol you fickle bitch.  You anointed Gokey the chosen one, raising him up to the heavens and then WHAM! Back to Milwaukee, Four-Eyes.

Our VFTW Pick is gone, only to make us laugh with derision as he gets the inglorious boot.  So our Final Two is Adam Glambert-Our-Very-Next-American-Idol-Because-Simon-Said-So versus Kris Allen (who?)  

Well, let's get to our Post-Game Analysis -- Random Thoughts Style.

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-- Paula once again shows her professionalism by showing up 7 minutes late to her own show.  Basically her one job on the Results Night is to show up and sit down and even that is an iffy process.  

-- The Fnord Commerical is a butchering of Matthew Wilder's "Break My Stride."  Who is Matthew Wilder you ask?  This Guy:http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/artists/matthewwilder.htm 

I used to like this song, but now Idol has crapped all over it, and I don't want it back.  The commercial is a badiy animated comic-book where our Three Dudes gain super-powers, and it's about as "cool" as Matthew Wilder looks.  Gokey's power is stretching his arms.  Although, it would've been more appropriate if it was Super Blowing, like Kris did in the commercial and Kara does in real life.

--  Alicia Keys comes out to explain why she's here, to talk about Africa and more begging for money.  I would rather hear someone explain why she's NOT singing and instead we get Jordin Sparks (yawn) and Katy (Tone-Deaf) Perry.  Anyways, while Alicia was explaining the African charity thing, one of the back-up singers jumped the gun and stepped onto stage.  Of course for about a minute I thought it was just Paula going AWOL again.

-- Noah the Rwandan kid has personality and better dance moves than Gokey.  Not sure why he's on my TV set, but then Idol had an hour to kill for a 30 second announcement.  Gokey.  Gone.  Two words.  Ten Seconds.  Oodles of drama.  Sometimes simplicity is much better than an hour of crap.  But that's Idol.

-- When Paula finally does show up she's dressed like a whore-ish French Maid.  Drunk, of course.  

-- Gokey goes home to Milwaukee.  I like these "Go back to the village where the Idols were born" shows.  It's always impressive to see 30,000 people show up on a weekday to watch soon-to-be-former cast members from a National Karaoke Contest.  And it's always funny to watch the tweenage girls freak out over a schlubby dude with a glasses fetish.  In particular we get a weird tracking shot of a girl with red plaid pants and feathered boa who is CRUSHED when she can't run down Gokey's limo T-1000 style.

-- They still didn't show us where Gokey botches Billie Jean.  Luckily we have the video.  

-- Kris Allen tells us that he got free cheese dip for life at some Arkansas eatery named Stobie's.  How poetic.  

-- I appreciated how Kris thanked the 20,000 people that showed up in Conway, Arkansas.  He should thank his fans, they're the ONLY reason Kris is in the Finals, no thanks to Idol Producers who gave him zero face time during auditions and Hollywood, then threw him under the bus last week.  

-- Jordin Sparks emerges from a cloud of green smoke, looking another 40 pounds lighter than when we saw her before.  She's almost attractive now, but she still can't sing.  Her new song is boring and repetitive.  Still slightly better than most Idol dreck.  Fast-Forward.

-- Adam Glambert is from San Diego, apparently.  Did they mention this before?  We're blessed with shots of 10 year old girls and 50 year old women losing their shit.  Shame on you San Diego, I thought you were above that sort of a shameless display.  We also get to see Glambert getting attacked by Delusional Girl in a Green Bra, and even more frighteningly, by a 70 year old Woman who tries to stick her head through the CLOSED car window, also T-1000 style.

--  I loved Adam's sneer as he's driving away in the limo.  That was pimp-style.  

-- Hey it's Ca-Caw Girl in the audience, and that other tiny girl.  And the Indian-American guy is there, too.  Forgot all of their names.  Ah, former Idol contestants from THIS season, you are SOOO memorable.

-- Katy Perry comes out wearing an ill-fitting Elvis unitard and she butchers an already terrible song about Las Vegas.  How many money/Vegas metaphors can they sneak into one song?  About a million by my count.

-- Kris is sent to the couch of safety first as I cheer.  I love an underdog, especially when Idol has spent so little time and effort promoting him.  How many times did Adam get the pimp slot this season?  I have to imagine Kris gets to go second next week.

--Gokey is gone.  And my TiVo cuts him off halfway through his first line of his crappy song.  Good Boy, TiVo.  Well done.  You get a cookie.    Now if Gokey finds his niche singing Adult Contemporary Christian music there is a very strong chance that I'll never hear him sing ever again.  Well, except to laugh at him one more time when he comes back next season to pimp his Easy Listening-Gospel album.  Despite the sheer volume of jokes Gokey gave me this season I don't hate the guy, and I wish him good luck in his singing career.

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I'd say that was a pretty entertaining show.  Next week looks like a foregone conclusion, but there should be plenty of VFTW moments to be enjoy.  There always are.  

Here's a philosophical question for you to ponder...  Is it ironic or just coincidental that Gokey goes home in third place like his Favorite Artist Elliott Yamin?

--Chan

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