| DJWolff |
 Posted: May 20, 2009 - 4:50am |
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Joined: 17 May 2009
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Spot-on review as usual, Professor, but I have to disagree on the fact that the judges didn't give Kris any comment. Randy and Kara were for Kris and Paula and Simon were for Adam.
I watched it again (I give myself an A+++ for effort for hearing to the Dioguardi-penned crapola) and Randy even mentioned that the song fits Kris' voice better than Adam's and Kara acknowledged that the song was high for him (I think she was the high one "composing" it), but reminded people to vote on the body of work along the season. Actually, Randy was the only judge calling Adam on being pitchy on the song.
Having said that, I wish I could vote for Kris, but I don't know what's the worse scenario.
a) Adam wins, but there are so many high expectations on the guy, that he's the second coming of Elvis meets Mercury, that he's going to be this huge worldwide superstar, that, in the long run, it will be painful to see the day when he ends up underperforming.
b) Kris wins, and his victory will be overshadowed by the media storm with that "America wasn't ready for a gay Idol" BS, and will not be regarded for his own merits. That without mentioning the 19 Producers giving him the Taylor Hicks career management and we all how that's been going.
and c) Whoever wins will have to sing that turd as his FIRST single AGAIN and for the next six months or so.
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| red_phone |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 5:12am |
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Joined: 12 Mar 2008
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go kris kris krissssssss... love this idol recap btw VFTW roxxx
AND OH BTW DID ANYBODY SEE KATIE HOLMES COVERING SURI'S EARS WHEN ADAM WAS SINGING??
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| Infrequent Poster |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 5:21am |
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Joined: 27 Feb 2008
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That idol graduation/coronation song ranked a perfect 10 on the shit-o-meter. During Kris' performance all I could think of was that "No Boundries" sounds like it came right off of Daughtry's new CD. It's gotta be a competition on that show or something to out schmaltz the previous year's terrible song.
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| rockgolf |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 5:31am |
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Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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How long before "No Boundaries" gets renamed "No Melodies"? Y'know, when you write a song so bad that even the two "best" singers in the competition can't carry the tune, that's a helluva accomplishment.
Just imagine the ear-bleeding we were saved from had Gokey attempted it.
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| NappyHeadedHo |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 5:55am |
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Joined: 11 Apr 2007
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As much as I enjoyed the online ramblings of Professor Chan, I can disagree with him more on this review.
In favor of brevity, however, I'll simply say that while I feel Kris Allen is a mediocre singer, with a limited vocal range, and a "sameness" to his vocal style that comes across in every song -- he does seem like Kris comes from that that school of David Archuletta "boring and safe" vocal styling.
Adam is a way better singer, but at the risk of being locked away in a sh!tty, long-term contract with 19 Entertainment, I'll say I hope Kris wins AI, and Adam ... after the 3 month tour, goes on to do bigger/better things.
Oh, and "No Boundaries" was insufferable!!
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| Lint_Licker |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 6:02am |
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Joined: 08 Mar 2008
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Great recap. Although I disagree with a couple of points
I can't stand Lambert for the most part but I loved what he did with "Mad World" the first time around. The second time? Not so much. Not only was the impact of the performance hindered by the ridiculous entrance, but in the process of trying to top his best performance of the season, he fell a bit flat. Kris was the winner of the first round.
Kris Allen did a passable job with the coronation song, IMO. Sure, he doesn't have the kind of range t hat Lambert does, but I think only cats can match that range anyway.
I just hope that Simon's annoying pimping backfires big time. But considering our voting record this year I'm not holding my breath. The producers will pick who they want to pick in the end, especially since the vote seems so close.
Fuck this show.
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| jungleboy6996 |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 6:02am |
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Joined: 12 Mar 2009
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you hit it right on the head professor...
AI is so afraid that if randy or paula or that "horny old troll of a kara" give an honest opinion on the contetition that people will figure it's over and not watch wed. night.
What was that bullshit?.. Adam could shreak and be off key and it was the best thing since sliced bread. Kris forgets the lyrics and he could sing the bible or phonebook or whatever.
Then what the fuck was that song that kara co-wrote..really what the fuck was that mess!!!
I mean really what the fuck was the song about?? going up moutains??
When does it take 3 people to write a song that sucks so bad?
Then the hornly old troll..yes kara looks like a troll with her hair pulled back..she is just a mess of bulbuous nose,big ears and protruding teeth...apologizes to Kris because the song was beyound his "range"???
wtf??? it was written for a higher register???
and it's the songs fault that kris sounds offkey and pitchy???
Then they let the show producer pick probably the biggest song of the contest for each contestant..and he serves up some turds????
Is this simon fuller stuck back in the 70s??
was he trying to drive the audience away???
thank God for simon cowell...people rag on simon saying he wears dirty t shirts and is bored out his mind 3/4 of the time..doesn't give a shit about the show...
yet simon gives his honest fucking opinion...
__________________________
Grab a napkin Homey..
You just got served!!!
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| manlambda |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 6:34am |
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Joined: 16 Apr 2008
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See I'm along the lines that Adam outperformed Kris last night. I felt the first round was even. The 2nd round went to Adam(course I might be wrong I fell asleep during Kris's snorefest of a 2nd song) and Adam did better with the craptastic coronation song. I turned to my partner and said what is climb mountains and shit rainbows. What's even sadder is I go on facebook and one of my fraternity brothers knows the 3rd writer of that song Mitch something. He evidentally is from Baltimore. I hope he only wrote the music because if he wrote any of the lyrics he should be banned from my fair city shameing it that way.
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| badger |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 6:35am |
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Joined: 28 Feb 2008
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I, too, enjoyed "Glee" and will likely watch it this fall. It's really not that bad of a new show.
I DVR'd this show last night and fast forwarded all judges comments, filler and advertisements and was done watching the show in 10-15 mins. path-et-ic!
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| bigred7 |
| Posted: May 20, 2009 - 6:44am |
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Joined: 20 May 2009
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The winner of Idol is clearly the one that does NOT have to release that crapfest of a song. If Adam releases it, his career is over. If Kris does, they'll need to do some serious rearranging to keep him from having a hernia trying to reach the notes. He looked like he would bust an blood vessel last night!
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So here we are, the Penultimate episode of Idol Season 8, and the last competition episode. Tonight gave us still more proof that Kris Allen (who?) is a gamer. He went head to head with Adam Glambert and in my humble opinion, he came out on top. Lambert brought his usual professionalism to the show so there really weren't any surprises. Of course this being American Idol, we were punished with 5 mid-tempo ballads including the Worst Song I've Heard Since Last Year's Idol Winning Song.
The big story, and the true VFTW victory is how clueless the Idol Producers continue to be with their musical tastes. Year after year they torpedo their own Idol's musical credibility before their career gets going with a thoroughly awful Idol coronation song. It's like they're compulsively searching for the absolutely shittiest songs known to mankind. This one was written by Idol's own Kara Doucha-Guardi.
Simon likes to rank the performances head to head. And so do I. So let's get on with it.
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Ryan (Dramatic Pause) Seacrest dubs this battle Conway vs. California, and Guy Next Door vs. Guy-Liner. We get it, Adam is gay and Kris comes from a small town. And you can tell the Idol Producers really, REALLY want Adam to win because they're setting up the battle between Conway, Arkansas, population 10,000, versus the UNITED FORCES OF THE ENTIRE MIGHTY STATE OF CALIFORNIA. And Adam.
10 minutes in and nothing of import has happened.
Adam Lambert -- Personal song choice -- "Mad World."
Good choice Adam. This song plays to his best attributes, namely his theatricality, his beautiful tenor voice, and his emotional connection with songs. Glambert gets the Professional Wrestling entrance, riding the stage elevator to the top of the stairs amidst billowing green smoke while dressed like an extra from The Matrix with trench coat and combat boots. Did I mention Adam is cool?
I liked his earlier performance of this song, and I think he sings an album-ready version of it tonight.
GRADE: A --
Kara immediately gets on my bad side with her ebullient, over the top
praise. She's insufferable. Paula looks puffy and beat up, wearing a
bra-less green dress. Cover up woman, your ribs are showing. She also
looks like she fell asleep on a tanning bed set to Deep Fat Fry. Her
tan has an unwholesome purple hue. Simon is merely trying to out-boob
Paula with his shirt unbuttoned to the navel. Paula still has more
chest hair.
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Kris Allen -- Personal Song Choice -- "Ain't No Sunshine"
Another excellent performance from Kris. His voice was solid, his song was nicely textured and emotional, without going over the top. I finally could hear his piano playing over the strident backing band!
Paula mumbles something about "Allen-izing his songs." You mean singing watered down Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz, funky white boy versions of songs out of the side of his mouth? I kid of course.
GRADE: A
ROUND 1 WINNER -- I'm calling it a tie. Both singers played to their strengths and neither screwed up.
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Adam -- Producers Choice -- "A Change Is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke.
Producer Simon Fuller may be as rich as King Midas, but unlike that mythical king, everything Fuller touches does NOT turn to gold, it turns to shit, musically.
Who the hell looks at Adam and thinks, yeah '50s R&B/Soul? And then thinks, "I will be so rich I will wipe my ass with money."
Personally I'd go with some David Bowie, Queen, or even Aerosmith. Something rocking, Glam and screaming. I just don't get this pick. I'm guessing the music rights were cheap.
This song plays to all the worst tendencies of Adam, namely tuneless screeching, tortured facial expressions, and his compulsion to push theatricality over musicality. This was a truly awful performance mainly because Adam should NEVER sing the blues. Also the crappy backing guitar was entirely too loud for the lame blues chords he was playing.
GRADE: FAIL -- If this is how the Producers see Adam moving ahead in his career then Adam will be playing county fairs two weeks after his album comes out.
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Kris -- Producer's Choice -- "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye
This is another thoroughly awful pairing of song to performer by Simon "I Poop Gold Bullion" Fuller. The song is a jazzy social statement on poverty and the Vietnam War that became an anthem of the era. Marvin Gaye had an unworldly three octave voice, and layered his vocals to haunting effect on "What's Going On."
Kris Allen has what we'll politely call a two-octave range. He sings a poppy, funky white boy acoustic version of the song that starts off too low to enable him to even hit the notes in the chorus. Kris' talents are credibly singing contemporary pop songs and connecting with them in new and interesting ways. So of course he gets to sing a song that's 38 years old, that he could never hope to connect with in any meaningful way.
Kris didn't sound bad, but the song is much bigger than a 90 second version that Kris learned earlier this week.
GRADE: C -- Simon says Adam "won this round by a million per cent" and the Producers have branded Adam as "The most contemporary artist ever to hit the Idol stage." Kris has repeatedly been the most contemporary as he sounds good on popular songs from THIS YEAR. Adam's best song was the "Donnie Darko" version of "Mad World" from 8 years ago, and his wheelhouse is '70s Hard Rock and Glam. So yeah, that's certainly "contemporary." (NOTE THE SARCASM.) And don't get me wrong, I love '70s Hard Rock and Heavy Metal. But is there any question who the Producers want to win?
ROUND 2 WINNER -- I think Kris wins this round.
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Shitty Idol Coronation Song -- "No Boundaries"
The song is an over-wrought, and shallow collection of cliches about the weather, that even Simon can't help but mock. It is shit, and it is impossible to sound good singing it.
Adam is once again given the Star treatment as he gets backing vocals to make his version sound bigger, fuller and more dramatic.
Kris doesn't get any backing vocals and his stripped down version of the song exposes his thin voice that's ill-suited for the Celine Dion/Mariah Carey vocal exercise of schmaltz that is "No Boundaries."
Adam gets a verbal tongue bath from the judges and is anointed "God's Gift To Pop Music."
Kris doesn't get ONE SINGLE COMMENT ON HIS PERFORMANCE. Kara damns him with faint praise by suggesting Kris' fans vote based on "his body of work this season." Randy tells him, "You should be proud for getting this far."
I CALL SHENANIGANS. The Producers are clearly in Adam's corner and aren't even apologizing about their homer-ism. And mind you, this is a week after Simon outright begged fans to vote for Adam so that he could win.
I like Adam and I think he's talented, but he's been on cruise control for a couple weeks now while Kris has been clawing to the top every week.
WINNER ROUND 3 -- A too-close-to-call TIE of Crappy Proportions.
SEASON 8 WINNER: I think Kris won this night, and he deserves to be the Idol. Also I want Adam to have a successful musical career FAR AWAY From the Evil Idol Producers, so he needs to lose.
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Tomorrow's two hour Finale promises to be the shit-storm that it is every season. I'm watching. But I have to say, I got more musical chills from one well-performed, well-harmonized version of "Don't Stop Believing" on "Glee" tonight than I got in an entire season of live performances on Idol. And more laughs too.
Suck on that Evil Idol Producers.
--Chan
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