| dumpydee |
 Posted: May 21, 2009 - 6:46am |
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Joined: 05 Feb 2009
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One more thing. I hope Kris has a long, successful career. He's what the show should be about--undiscovered talent.
If he tanks then we get how many more seasons of potted plants whose failed million dollar record deals paper the cat litter box? Does the world truly need more Carly Smithsons inflicted upon it? >>shudder<<
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| cheri |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 12:07pm |
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Joined: 21 May 2009
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It never occurred to me that the KISS song "Beth" could be a gay anthem until I heard Adam sing it. "... Me and the boys we're playing... all night!" And that USED to be my favorite Kiss song! *Thanks*, American Idol. Grrrrrr....
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| mamagaga |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 6:55am |
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Joined: 02 Apr 2009
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I agree with dumpydee. Kris actually has a decent voice, unlike Taylor Hicks. Kris has the moves, performance quality and entertainment factor that were made for radio (or itunes). His wacky facial gestures will seldom be seen--his tweeny fans will just drool over his posed posters.
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| operation shock... |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 6:57am |
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Joined: 05 Apr 2009
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Adam should've won because he brought viewers and money to AI. There was no way Gokey and Kris would've kept the ratings as high as they were week after week.
Gokey was way over pimped, but often performed in the middle of the show because Gokey didn't draw in viewers. Most weeks Gokey had more votes than Adam according to dialidol. But people like Gokey and Kris don't make a TV show interesting and fresh. AI producers knew that Adam is what made the show interesting and kept viewership high, even those who don't like his voice, tuned in. That's why Adam always performed near the end of the show or in the pimp spot.
We also had more interesting rock performances because of Adam. Would Slash ever agree to appear on a show where Gokey and Kris were the front runners?
Adam brought in so much additional money to the show this season, but now they will have to pimp Kris at the point when the contestants actually make money.
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| GialloGuy |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:14am |
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Joined: 03 Apr 2008
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There's gonna be so many fantards pouring in...the next Fantard of the week is gonna be EPIC.
I wanna see the crazy tattoo chick at the laser removal place...
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| Vote-for-my-Schlong |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:21am |
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Joined: 09 Apr 2009
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Long time VFTW reader, first time VFTW poster. Thanks for the weekly commentaries - I never miss them and it's really the only show summary that is worth reading. See you again next year!
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| Adam_Lambert |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:21am |
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Joined: 30 Apr 2009
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I find it amusing that the people on this site actually think they make a difference.
Seriously. There were 100 million votes.. do you honestly think a few hundred are going to make any difference? Nope. The continual claims that this website played any part in the results comes off as a bit desperate. I don't blame you though, if I wasted as much time as all of you on here, I too would yearn for justification. It also seems you have forgotten how many times you *havent* made a difference.
I love the line "The producers must be pissed". Wow, seriously? So let me get this straight.. you think that the producers of the biggest show in America, a show that raked in over 700 million votes, are 'pissed' because of this corny website that encourages a few hundred people to vote for a certain contestant? Really? Wow! Apparently all of you are just as ignorant as you are arrogant, amazing!
So, now that the season is over, what are all of you sheep going to do now that you don't have VFTW thinking for you? Hopefully you have someone else who can fill in for the time being, to point you in the right direction and tell you how to think.
And now, to translate all of that into words that you can understand: BWAHAHAHAHA, none of you have lives!
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| Vote-for-my-Schlong |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:41am |
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Joined: 09 Apr 2009
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@Adam_Lambert:
You created an account on a site you are against and spent 20 minutes writing a nasty post about how unimportant this site is and how we are all losers.
Now, who is it that doesn't have a life exactly?
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| yoshirox10 |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:28am |
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Joined: 24 Feb 2008
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Being on a stage crew myself, I know that glitches like that are unavoidable sometimes and they did fix it somewhat quickly. It's probably their way of sticking it to the producers and other people who most likely treat them like crap. If it weren't for them, there'd be no show.
I had a feeling Kris was going to win, but it still makes no sense to me. When Ryan said, "Kris Allen!" I was like, "alright". Then five seconds later, I was like, "woah, seriously?". He's just kinda been there the entire season. I like both him and Adam a lot, but I just can't believe he won. Kris looked happy for about 5 seconds and then he was just emotionless from then on. I lol'd.
Besides having to make a new pick pretty much every week, great season. :p
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| LadyJane |
| Posted: May 21, 2009 - 7:39am |
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Joined: 17 Mar 2009
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Cyndi Lauper was playing the dulcimer, not the mandolin. I actually liked her and Allison's song, I thought it was really pretty.
Kara ripping her dress off was truly the most cringe-worthy moment, like, ever. "The producers let a total whore get national TV time for being a total whore, so I'm just gonna be like her! Yay objectification!"
I was sad that Scott didn't get any songs. And did anyone but me think that Danny's song(s) went on waaaay, way longer than anyone else's? Maybe that's just cause time slows when he sings. And what was up with the ENTIRE night being like late 70's, early 80's?? The only current artists we hear are Jason Mraz, who sings a song we've already heard several times this season, and Fergie, who sings a song we've already heard a million times LAST season, The Black Eyed Peas, who were just freaking weird and sang a song that had approximately five words.
I wanted Adam to win, too, but let's face it: glam rock doesn't mix with crappy Idol record producers. Kris has a nice, pleasant voice and he'll fit in well with the radio-friendly kinda stuff. Adam can do so much better doing his own thing.
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HOWDY CLASS,
Tonight, as you may have noticed, is the Season Finale of Idol 8. Yay. Tonight's finale promises to have epically bad singing, embarrassing celebrity duets and Nourmund Gentle and Tatiana both perform. And for a change the Idol Finale is Terrible-Funny instead of just Terrible-Terrible. And the results are a pleasant, genuine surprise. VFTW!!!
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You'd think by the Finals the Professional Idol Tech crew would have their shit together. But nope, 6 minutes in and we have our first technical glitch as Kris' mic isn't turned on when he tries to answer Seacrest's stupid question. How hard is it to turn on a mic people? Nice work, bosy.
Since this was a two hour epic I'll just knock it out Random Thoughts Style. And because Two hours of this crap is asking a lot from me, I'm exercising my TiVo finger when it gets too boring.
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-- First Group sing. I almost forgot to look for Blind Scott. Scott brings the awesome blind guy dancing. The lip-synched performance is other-wise terrible.
--Cook sings a miserable Daughtry-esque song in a sickly green light. The first lyrics I hear are "I broke my promise that you'll never see me cry. Goddamn pussy Idol songs. Fast Forward. Boop-oop, Boop-oop.
--We get our first Idol comedy award, where they "reward" the delusional non-talents from audition weeks by letting America laugh at them again. We see audition footage of Andy Kaufman singing "Mad World." That was funny, but the joke gets old fast as the bad singing we've seen before gets shown again. Remember when that guy sang badly. Yeah, he sucked.
But then... Normund Gentle gets his own montage. Nick is under-dressed for tonight, wearing jeans and a hoodie. I could see the joke coming when he rips off his clothes and has his Normund Gentle gear on underneath, but I still cheered. Nourmund brings the house down with his "Dreamgirls" song then walks out through the crowd. Just awesome. So of course Seacrest kills the joke by wearing the glasses and headband. "God these are greasy." HoHO. That Seacrest is a card.
-- Lil Rounds and Latifah. Lil has a wig that works for her. Latifah found a unitard that threatens to explode at the slightest movement. Not a pretty look. Not a pretty song either. Bloop-bloop.
-- Anoop, Alexis and Jason Mraz sing a catchy Mraz ditty. Comedy ensues as they can't squat in time to the strong reggae beat together. Ooh, look Blind Scott dancing. Any song is improved by having Blind Scott dancing.
-- Kris Allen Retrospective -- Some guy named Kris wearing a New York cabby hat apparently auditioned for Idol. They skip Hollywood week because no footage exists.
-- Kris and Keith Urban sing a song called "Kiss a Girl." They sound good. It's not the least bit country, though. It sounds very John Cougar Mellencampy. For the record, Urban's wearing the tighter pants. They could record an album of this stuff and sell lots of copies.
-- The Idol girls come out and remind us they were pretty terrible. The only redeeming bit is our beloved Megan wearing some ridiculous pink uni-skort with what looks like a fan napkin for a collar. Fergie shows up. She was one of the high spots of last season so I'm not changing the channel just yet. She still can't sing. She looks puffy and beat up like Pauler. That segways into the Black-Eyed Peas singing that "Boom Boom Pow" song. Has any band gotten more mileage out of songs with stupider lyrics? Megan doing an awesomely clumsy robot dance was worth not fast forwarding. Boom Boom Pow!
-- Bikini girl comes out, with her newly inflated boobs and her spray-on tan. And she sings HORRIBLY. YES! VFTW VICTORY! Then Kara comes out and they turn off Bikini Girl's mic. That is so mean. Kara is over the top and trying too hard, as usual. Man this keeps getting better. So they have a horrible Mariah Carey vocal duel and dogs are suffering, and then Kara pops a cross-legged squat on her final Glory Note. Then in an act of sheer whoredom and desperation Kara strips down to her skivvies. It's embarrassing and shameless, and Kara clearly wasn't comfortable doing it even as a joke. The loonies are supposed to act like you, you're not supposed to act like the loonies, honey.
-- Allison sings "Time After Time" with a Cyndi Lauper looking mandolin player. Oh wait, it IS Cindi Lauper. Man, they're pretty terrible singing together. Allison in particular sounds lost and out of it. They don't sound good at all. This song is endless like a bad nightmare. Boop-boop-boop.
-- Gokey sings Lionel Richie. Of course. And it's a Dead Wife Song. Awesome. He sounds pretty good. This is his wheel house, singing drippy love ballads to old Haus Fraus and his dead wife. Lionel shows up. Gokey sounds exactly like Richie. They sing a Richie Medley but I'm already Fast-Forwarding. Bloop-boop- Bloop Boop.
- Adam is dressed like a Mad Max Warrior, or a Leather Gimp but sings a totally wussy song, "Beth" By Kiss. But then rocks out with the real Kiss on a Medley of Detroit Rock City and "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night" Of course these songs are vocally kid's play, so Adam doesn't have much to do. But he does get to wear the Kiss platform boots. And Gene Simmons sounds like crap. Remember, any time you sound better than the original artists you're doing something right.
-- Santana. Mac Tonight sings "Black Magic Woman." but it thankfully turns into a group medley. Hey Kris, don't dance. Ever. And it's waste of space Michael Sarver making his return appearance. Yes! Blind Scott is dancing again.
-- Montage of car commercials. Fast Forward.
-- Steve Martin playing banjo with Sarver. What the crap? Sarver's sitting on a stool and he's out of breath by the second verse. Good for Megan. She gets to sing: "I've loved you since you took me out to dinner." Poor Steve gets to have these two ruin his song. Megan can't sing but we still love you CaCaw Girl. I was excited to hear that Steve Martin was doing a banjo album, but if it's crap like this I'll pass. Neither Sarver nor Megan know the words and she's screwing it up.
Steve Martin gets the best line of the night with this quip.
Ryan: "We've got you here, Steve. So who's going to win."
Steve: "I know it's a long shot, but I hope I do."
Okay, I'll buy your album after all.
-- More Sarver. What the hell is going on here? Roughneck gets THREE solos and Blind Scott doesn't get ONE!?!? Get off my TV Sarver. You too, Gokey. We sent you home weeks ago. Bloop-bloop-booop!
-- The guys are singing "Do Ya' Think I'm Sexy." Hey it's Blind Scott doing more Blind Guy Dancing. Not a single one of them can dance worth a damn. And Rod Stewart's ambulatory corpse is there singing Maggie Mae. Why is every one of these damn things a medley. I know I've said it before but the Musical Medley is the lowest form of musical life. It's the cockroach or paramecium of the musical world. Rod Stewart looks and sounds drunk. He can't even walk right now. And he's wearing Randy's plaid Grandpa Jacket. ANOTHER VFTW VICTORY!!!
-- Another joke award for Outstanding female. Tatiana's got this one locked up. Blonde who can't sing. Old Lady with glasses who can't sing. Wow, she really is terrible. A transvestite hooker who screeches through a song but still sounds better than Kara.
Tatiana's appearance gets applause from the live audience. We are rewarded with a montage of her freak outs. "For the guy who said I had to sleep with him to have a career. I'm a damn good vocalist." Still funny.
Tatiana wears a super mini purple floofy dress. I think I saw her Tatiana. Seacrest does a lame comedy bit where "security" can't drag away Tatiana as she keeps singing. And Ruben believes it's real.
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We're hitting the home stretch now.
-- Kris and Adam rock on "We are the Champions" and Adam just wails. He should be the new singer for Queen. Brian May is there. Every time the camera cuts to Paula and Kara they seem dazed and out of it. And hey, Megan nearly falls in the background. Awesome. VFTW! They should sing this song every week when someone goes home. Kara and Paula are arm and arm practically making out, because every SINGLE DUDE in the audience has rejected them tonight. We've seen Kara's goods and we don't want any, honey. These women are that drunk and bedraggled. Now if Freddy Mercury was performing that would be something.
-- And the winner is.... Kris Allen. Holy Crap, I'm kind of shocked by that. That means I just won $300 imaginary bucks. And he wins a dinky plastic "New American Idol Winner's Trophy." Gee, the Moneybags Idol Producers don't spare any expenses, do they. Simon is so stunned he can't even get out of seat. He's saying, "What? I told everybody to vote for Adam. Why is this other guy singing? Who is he again?"
Adam is thinking: "Thank you Lord, that I don't have to sing "No Boundaries."
Kris botches the same part of the song again. Happy ending for Kris. He deserved it. Happy ending for Adam who gets to dodge the Evil Idol Producers clutches. And happy ending for VFTW, because we get to watch Kris' Idol album crumble off the charts minutes after it's release.
Awesome job again this year guys. Worsters are the real winners.
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I have to say that I feel this season was an improvement over last year's pre-determined Gaspy Vs. Cook finale. And far less Gaspy singing too. Sure the girls except for Allison were a waste. And the Idol Finale had the same exact format as last year. But that just makes it more risible.
The Idol Producers are making it too easy for me. If they bring back, sad, pathetic whore Kara, that will kill the show's ratings further and just write the jokes for me. And since they can't admit when they've made a mistake, she WILL be back. Good times.
Thanks again to all of you for your comments and commentary. Hopefully you will return. Maybe we'll find a cultural phenomenon this summer worth our mockery, and then be sure to join us for whatever that is. It's a long time before Idol Season 9.
Best wishes,
--Chan
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