After 10 000 fame whores, 198 desperate wannabes, 22 posers and 10 fat pigs (and one very bald producer), it's finally time to find out who'll be making the CD the CTV staff will be using as drink coasters in 6 weeks. Brunton has completely moved the goal posts as he installed his puppet judges and host but VFTW has evened the playing field (and taken a giant piss on it) as we prepare to see the culmination of all the power, money and resources we've accumulated in Canada this year as we prepare to celebrate our GREATEST VFTW VICTORY EVER!1!F.U.CTV!1!

Holy crap, tonight sucked. What did Canada do to deserve this Final 2? I'm way too giddy/drunk to do a regular blog right now and I'm going to do a major one tomorrow night but just wanted to put this up to make a couple of points and so we can slur Brian.

I have never seen a con job like the one we saw from the judges tonight. While Jaydee didn't exactly burn up the stage, Brian was just as awful. The judges completely sold out to Brunton in one final attempt to save this show. Zack, Jake, how can you look yourself in the mirror after tonight? Everyone sees right through you and the noobies are joining us left, right and center.

The pressure's on as our Idols are competing for a spot in the finale and the chance to make a flop record and fade into oblivion by November. But that's nothing compared to the pressure CTV and Brunton are feeling knowing that VFTW has completely taken over this trainwreck, is choosing the songs for the Idols and may just be powerful enough to get an Elvis impersonator into next week's finale.

It's time for VFTW to flex its muscles (and money and power) and further sabotage this show as we choose the songs for the Idols. For a moment, I think George Hamilton is hosting tonight but I eventually realize it's just Ben looking deathly ill. CTV has long ago run out of living acts (and a deceased one last week) to mentor our Idols, so we're down to the bottom of the barrel...Sass. Zack says our Top 3 is as diverse as the rest of Canada, unless you're anything but pastey white.

Round 1-Brunton Sabotages Jaydee And VFTW

Jaydee Bixby

For every action, there's a reaction. On Monday, our four Idols humiliated themselves by doing standards for the first time in their life. VFTW reacted by endlessly mocking them and now it's time time for Canada to react by pushing another one of these losers off the roof. But not before this cut Idol runs Canada's Ring of Humiliation known as elimination night.

What can be finer then watching four losers embarrass themselves in front of millions of people by doing a standard for the first time in their life? Watching them do it twice, as we get to see all the colours Jaydee Bixby and Dwight D'Eon can bring to the American Songbook.

It's a historic night at VFTW as Jaydee Bixby, thanks to our power, money and millions of votes, is trying to set the record as longest running VFTW pick EVER! And we know it's VFTW's night as we start with the group number. Our Idols are doing Change The World and it might as well be Matt and Dwight in the Top 2 as their massive girths are taking up the entire stage. Without the judges waiting, Carly Rae seems extra loose missing every other note. And Jaydee's twang is in full effect, but don't we all sing with a twang when we're piss drunk?

We're down to the Top 5 and this rudderless ship is completely out of control as there is no theme tonight. Along with her daily whippings, part of Kelly Clarkson's penitence to Clive Davis is to mentor this hopeless lot. Jake says we're going to learn about the Idols tonight, like about Jaydee's alcoholism and Matt's connection to Saskatchewan Communists. Ben asks Sass what the Idols can learn from Kelly, and she says that Matt should be motivated knowing that someone can win an Idol show even with thunder thighs.

Matt Rapley