The Top 24: Who is Most Likely to Become the VFTW Pick?

Who will be the first 2 VFTW picks? We have no idea! We never decide until after every contestant has performed, because we could find a diamond in the rough. But for now, here are the grades I’ve given each of the top 24 based on their look, singing ability, likelihood of causing drama, and overall Worstness. And unlike what Ryan Seacrest keeps saying, the talent is not the best it’s ever been. Sadly, only one person in the whole cast has even earned an A, but there are plenty of people nipping at his heels trying to steal the VFTW crown. My ratings are as follows:

Danny Noriega: A-
Danny is ridiculously awesome because he’s overly campy and embraces it. VFTW loves campy. Danny’s the queen of silly faces and will probably give us quite a few fun quotes. Also, his personality may gain him lots of fans who would help us help him take out a frontrunner. The only downside to Danny is that so far his singing has been pretty good. But so was Sanjaya’s at this point. So you never know.

Ramiele Malubay: B+
Her idol is Jasmine Trias. That should say enough right there. But Ramiele is just another girl who mistakes screaming for singing. She also likes to take unflattering pictures of herself in bathrooms and out underage drinking. This could prove to make her much more interesting than we think she is right now.

Colton Berry: B
We know very little about him except that he’s a theatre geek who looks like Ellen Degeneres. And that is by far enough to give him a B in VFTW land.

Robbie Carrico: B
How do you go from dating Britney Spears, wearing see-through shirts, and dancing to pop choreography to pretending to be a rocker? Ask Robbie Carrico. His fake rocker persona is funny, and the pictures of his past are awesome, so a few missteps can get him the VFTW vote.

David Hernandez: B-
Simon doesn’t like him at all and he does this outlandish growly thing when he sings. So far, he’s one of the standout bad vocalists, but will he have enough personality to become the VFTW pick? Only time will tell.

Syesha Mercado: B-
She loses her voice all the time because she screams instead of sings, much like Ramiele. But Syesha is slightly more talented. Not by much. But if she loses her voice again, the VFTW love will stick around.

Amanda Overmyer: B-
Her rocker look is over the top, much like her poorly dyed ratty hair. But I can’t help but love her for overdoing it so much. It’s very much in the VFTW style. If she tries to scream out disco songs, the judges will soon tire of her, and VFTW will gain a true Worster Heroine.

David Archuleta: C+
David may be a pimped plant at this point, but for some reason, the judges and general viewing audience don’t seem to understand how bad this kid is. He takes annoyingly loud breaths while singing, makes goofy smiley faces, and forgets words to songs that he picks himself. He may start out as a frontrunner, but I have a feeling people will tire of him very quickly.

Asia’h Epperson: C+
She’s probably only in the top 24 because of her sob story. Her rendition of “I’m Going Down” was surprisingly capable, but she seems like the type who will have awful song choices and fall apart quickly. That and her fashion sense is awesomely tacky.

Jason Castro, Luke Menard, Jason Yeager, Garrett Haley: C
I had to give them an average score because we’ve seen them do absolutely nothing. So they could be great or terrible. There’s no way to tell. I do love Garrett’s androgynous bad looks though.

Joanne Borgella: C
She seems like a very nice person and she’s an OK singer. But right now her vocals aren’t nearly as strong as some better girls, meaning if she can avoid elimination with her plus-sized sob story, VFTW might help her out later on when she’s in the big league with the better plants.

Amy Davis: C
She was clearly picked for the top 24 based on her looks, which means VFTW should love her. But she’s just too boring at this point to get behind. We need some scandals, Amy.

David Cook: C-
He looks like the lovechild of Blake Lewis and Gina Glocksen who hasn’t showered in months. And he can’t sing. But the pimpage is strong with this one. The judges will praise whatever shit he sings, but eventually you just have to call a turd a turd.

Chikezie Eze: D+
Right now he’s just some boring guy who sings like Clay Aiken. And the only sin that’s worse than being good for VFTW is being boring.

Alaina Whitaker: D+
So far she’s just a white trashier version of Carrie Underwood. Not at all interesting enough to pick.

Kristy Lee Cook: D
She’s generic and boring, but the producers went to great lengths to make up a back story about her selling a horse, even though she was a singer in Nashville. Her personality and singing are too boring for a VFTW pick at this point anyway.

Alexandrea Lushington: D
She’s cannon fodder and boring cannon fodder at that.

Michael Johns: D
As annoying and awful as he is, the judges love him. He doesn’t get an F because he does suck hardcore, so there’s still some VFTW hope in there. But he’s gotten more pimpage this season than everyone except Carly, so he’s definitely not anywhere near the top of my list.

Brooke White: D-
She’s way too favored by the judges to ever be the VFTW pick. She cries too much and acts too nice. That’s not VFTW at all.

Kady Malloy: D-
I couldn’t even pick her out of the crowd. When she appeared on screen, I said, “Who?” I had to look back at my notes to remember she was the girl who did the Britney Spears imitation (which was pretty funny). She’s the most Interchangeable Blonde Whore ever, and VFTW never votes for the interchangeable. She’d have to pull out a real clunker to even be considered.

Carly Smithson: F
We’ve seen this bitch’s audition 3 times. Can she be any more pimped? They don’t want her to win, and her voice isn’t that great, but at this point she’s way too pimped to even remotely be considered for VFTW.

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