Dave's False Idols
Top 9 (Downloads Week) - Megan Wants to Give Me Some Good, Good Lovin Cause It's Like Studio 57 Up In Here
Motown Week (Top 10): Half Jazz, Half Cabaret, Totally VFTW.
Well it’s Motown week. Time to hear the same damn 10 Motown songs that are sung to death every year. Whoopie! It’s also time for the show to throw Megan under the bus and try to get rid of her. But ever resilient and awesome Megan might have a trick or two up her sleeve tattoo. So let’s see who did well, who sucked ass, and who made me squeal in VFTW delight.
Randy Travis is here to coach the Idols for country week, and it’s time for everyone to mix it up and perform nothing like they did last week. It’s also time for tons of train wrecks, so I’m all about that. The show never realizes year after year that most of the contestants cannot sing country music well, so they insist on making everyone look foolish. I have no problem with this. Especially since our VFTW songbird hams it up and VFTW backup Adam Lambert is finally realizing his true potential.
Top 13 - "It's fine being artistic, just not on this show."
As if this show hasn’t jumped the shark yet, this week will probably do in the Idol franchise. After adding in a top 13 with a different number because Idol didn’t plan ahead and think to buy 1-866-IDOLS-13, adding a fourth judge that says nothing interesting and hits on the contestants, changing the semifinal format to eliminate any contestant who has any bit of controversy, and announcing the judges as they walk in as if people care about them… apparently there is another twist. Rumor has it that the judges will be deciding who goes home out of the bottom 2 or 3. If Idol thinks its ratings are down now, just wait till they unleash that puppy.
The reason I started the Vote for the Worst website is because I was rejected at an American Idol audition and I vowed to ruin the show from that day forward. That’s a complete lie. But that’s what most people assume when they read the site. I would never waste my time auditioning for such a terrible show. But being that I run a website that relentlessly mocks American Idol, and being that I found myself at Disney World for a wedding this past weekend, I knew I had to check out this new attraction called The American Idol Experience, at least for shits and giggles. Would it be as stupid and cheesy as the show? Well the only way to find out was to enlist someone to become an insider. So, that I did.
Wildcard Recap - At Least Tatiana Went Out With a Bang
I have to start my recap with a hearty, “Fuck you, Idol.” Seriously? It was pretty obvious for weeks that a top 13 would happen, but I thought they’d be smart enough to put Tatiana in for maximum entertainment. But no. This top 13 is full of awful, awful people, which actually is great for the site. But for now, I just don’t see the entertainment value of them yet. Maybe I’ll see it next week. Maybe I’ll never see it. The wildcard was a strange show, but at least more fun than the last few weeks thanks to one person: Tatiana Del Toro.
Semifinals Group 3: "May I remind you on this show we do not allow democracy"
Well, we’re almost done with the ridiculous voting format that doesn’t give the little guys a chance. Seriously, how amazingly easy has it been to predict the top 3 each week? This week is clearly Lil-Scott-Jorge. Outside shot on Jorge not making it, but come on, it’s doubtful. It’s more predictable than Paula being drunk. Than Simon being cocky. Than Kara wanting some cocky. It’s no wonder Idol’s ratings are still sinking fast. Without being able to look forward to surprising results, the show gets stale. So I’m really looking forward to the top 12, where VFTW and others will at least have a tinge of unpredictability and the chance to actually do something. Otherwise, this show is seriously making me fall asleep. And not in a good daydream kind of way. In a sleep apnea I can’t breathe and I’d rather suffocate than continue to watch this show kind of way. At least this week, Alex brought the VFTW goods.
Semifinals Group 2 - Normund Makes Us Love Him
The second group of 12 was at least much more entertaining than the first. But the show still had way too much filler to be good. I’m just glad that we have so many more VFTW possibilities out of this group. Nick Mitchell was epic, and Allison, Adam, and some others definitely make great future VFTW picks if we can’t get our guy into the finals.
This week the contestants are singing “top downloads”. Meaning they can pick any damn song they want, since apparently people were downloading music in the 1970’s. It’s a stupid theme because it means absolutely nothing, but at the same time it’s a brilliant theme because whenever the show tackles current songs it fails miserably. And when the show fails miserably, VFTW wins! The pre-performance banter is boring, but it was funny to hear Seacrest say, “Last week we lost Michael Sarver” to a crowd of complete silence. Seriously, no one said anything. Wait, who is Michael Sarver again?