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And without further ado, we bring you some original Adam Lambert poetry. What the hell is this guy on? Warning: There may be images in this poem that your brain can't forget.

Dawn.

The ink of night slow dances with muddled fire.

Jagged mountian tops in a breathy mauve peak out of vague camouflage.

A crow moans in horny recovery. Rubbing a last one out amid coconut ghosts and spiderwebs.

This alley cat block still a mystery to me.

On the roof. Seeking proof.

Adam thinks he's edgy and controversial. We think he's an idiot.

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Well, this was obvious. Blake Lewis's comeback CD, Heartbreak on Vinyl, debuted at #135 on the Billboard Hot 100, selling a sad 4000 copies its first week out. Does that even begin to recoup recording costs? His last album, Audio Day Dream, sold over 24 times that amount in its opening week. Wow, that's pretty sad. (Via Rickey.org)

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19E finally gets a semi-attractive winner and they pick a weird looking shot of him for his album cover? And they use funky looking font that looks thrown together? Well, looks like they're not putting the time into promoting this one.

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Jordin Sparks, who apparently never looks in a mirror, ignored our advice to always wear sleeves. And this is what she looked like while performing at Atlantis in the Bahamas. Seriously, girl. Dress for your body size. We've seen you looking decent. Did you hire your mortal enemy as your stylist? Cover up!

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In a smart marketing move, someone decided that Adam Lambert's new music video trailer for Time For Miracles is going to premiere right before Michael Jackson's posthumous movie This Is It. Expect the Sparkle Cows to shell out big bucks in the opening weekend so they can see their object of affection (pictured: left, looking creepy) shit all over the trailer to disaster flick 2012. This should guarantee a big opening weekend, as Sparkle Cows have tons of disposable income and no friends to tell them that they're wasting it. A note to anyone who is going to see Michael Jackson's movie: bring mace and beef jerky. The mace is to ward off the Sparkle Cows. The beef jerky is a last ditch effort to distract them into running in the opposite direction when you throw it.

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Still can't get over the hideous blonde hair. Why ruin the one thing she actually had going for her?
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Radaronline.com posted an account with Adam Lambert and his boyfriend Drake LaBry on Friday night. It seems Adam was talking to some other dude and Drake wasn't too happy. Countdown until the Sparkle Cows take it upon themselves to intervene to hilarious results.

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Sanjaya is now performing with subway performers. That's our guy. But hey, it's oddly fascinating. (Via Rickey.org)
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