19 Management Doesn't Want David Archuleta

Ummmm, I think that very last sentence says it all.

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Los Angeles, CA - During his encounter with Minnie Mouse at Disneyland, young David Archuleta, American Idol finalist and budding recording star, began to notice strange new things happening to his body, specifically inside of his pants, or the area his parents refer to as "the naughty zone." Young David observed a strange tingling sensation, as well as a swelling, indicating the arrival of the young man's first erection. Not long after this encounter, David would drop out of the spotlight completely after deciding to abandon singing for his one true love and exciting new passion: Plushophilia.

He would later be arrested for sexual assault of a Garfield doll in a public shopping mall. When asked for statement, Mr. Archuleta replied, "Gosh! That doll felt really neat on my balls!"

Archuleta has been sentenced to the maximum jail term for public indecency. He is to be incarcerated at Folsom State Prison for 5 years, where it is believed he will be ruthlessly cornholed by an eager prison population. When asked for comment, Mr. Archuleta said, "Gee whiz!"

Great the golden noobish goose is not spared. Idol is better at self-destruction. Can't wait to see the whole damn franchise gets f***d up.

Oh shit. That actually looks like one of those pictures from when they take a busload of Special Olympics kids to Disneyland for the day.

Daddy Bonadouchey must have really fucked this little dude up. I have to admit I suck as a Worster. I'm by no means a tard or even remotely a fan, but...I can't hate on Gaspy. I can't really hate on teenagers in general (unless it's a delusional stuck-up bitch like Jasmine fucking Trias), but especially not a wounded puppy who has the added bonus of scary frauen as old as his grandmother perving on him.

But geesh...that still looks like a Short Bus Road Trip.

This is what I am always saying. Where the hell are all of his little fans now? If these people don't do well right out of the gate, their fantards disappear into the woodwork. The same idiots who sent us hate mail, and created websites in his honor, and secretly hoped that David Cook would die of a flesh eating virus so Gaspy would win by default. So sad.

Baio, you are too much. LOL!

Gaspy did an interview on Popeater. http://www.popeater.com/music/article/archuleta-talks-clay-crushes-and-cook/205125?icid=100214839x1211261342x1200678328.

Pretty much the wishy-washy stuff you expect from him. Highlights were them asking him about Clay and some non-answer about celebrities and social lifes. He states in one question that his parents have never been strict (I guess he likes his cage and beatings.)

They are afraid he would come out of the closet.

I wish "Crush" had barely any airplay on my local station. The nicest thing I can manage to think (before switching the radio off) is that it would be an okay song if they changed all the lyrics and had someone else sing it.

How old is Lil' Davey now? I can't remember. Does he still need to emancipate himself from Daddy Dearest? Where's a sleazy Hollywood agent when you need one?!