Thanks Scott, I'm a bit less worried about those who hail from Beaumont now.

So who wants to fess up and take credit for Haleigh?

I am proud to say that I suspected the Sarver letter was done by a Worster the entire time. After all, nobody in their right mind could think Sarver was talented. Good job, Scott.

I'm suspecting the straight A kid with the stupid name is also a Worster, who put FEET in place of FEEL just to see who might catch it. Great job, whoever that was. I'm going to fuck a boob now.

I've never once thought that I would be saying this, but... I love you, Scott Baio.

Although I admit, I'm hoping that Haleigh's is real. Otherwise, my fuming posts were all for naught. And I'd feel like a total dick.

Analog_Kid: Hmm, "fuckboob" sounds vaguely reminiscent of my "fuckerdoodle" post from last season. Did I write that one too while in a drunken stupor? No, I didn't but it sounds like me.

KarenO: Yeah, I'm a dick like that sometimes.

Mad-Hatter: I thought Poe's Law was "The number of raps and/or taps on your chamber door is directly proportional to the number of talking birds perched upon statues of the goddess of wisdom in near proximity to said chamber door." My mistake.

Moxie: ...if Beaumont and El Paso are the armpits of Texas, what does that make Corpus Christi??

The body of Christ?

twoes: You should probably still be worried. While my letter was fake, it was based upon actual white trash!

FenderBender: I thought it would be funny for someone to make the claim that Sarver was the most talented musician to ever come from that area, expecially since it produced real talents like George Jones and The Big Bopper.

Cry.Reuben: I was wondering about your handle, but I guess your signature clears that up. I think your tears are somewhat similar in composition to those of giant fat man Ruben Studdard, although his are likely closer to ranch dressing. Or cream gravy.

A person actually commented on my pseudo-reference ('Tis only a pseudo-reference due to the fact that I mostly gave myself this username because the day I signed up, I happened to eat a really good Reuben); I'm flattered.

And you know how he sweats so profusely when he performs? I'm afraid that isn’t sweat at all...

Scott Baio wrote:

"Mad-Hatter: I thought Poe's Law was "The number of raps and/or taps on your chamber door is directly proportional to the number of talking birds perched upon statues of the goddess of wisdom in near proximity to said chamber door." My mistake."

That's one of my Poe faves, along with The Masque of the Red Death. Good stuff.

Damn you Scott Baio! Making fun of stupid redneck Texans is one of my favorite pastimes, and you with your confession have stolen one instance of that from me. I wasted a perfectly good jab on a fake stupid redneck Texan, thanks to your unforgivable act. In the interest of fairness, however, nice work, dude! Ya got me good!

I'm confused about one thing, though. You mentioned a couple places being the armpits of Texas. But Texas is itself an armpit. I didn't realize armpits had their own armpits. But since they do, I'm now trying to conceptualize armpits' armpits' armpits, like those Chinese boxes that fit inside one another, culminating with George W. Bush, of course, as the smallest, innermost armpit's armpit's armpit's armpit, or something.

The more I think about it, Texas is really more of an asshole than an armpit, but then, I didn't know assholes had armpits either, and besides, the concept still applies. The worst part of all this is that I'm still thinking about it 20 minutes later, when I have much better things to put off doing. See what you done gone and did to my brain, Scott Baio? I should be ashamed of yourself.

Scott Baio, thanks for outing yourself as Carla. I am curious did name Carla in honor of Hurricane Carla that hit Texas in 1961? Being from Texas though I have to comment on something

"Lack of Bigotry" comment. About 10 years ago there was an incident in Jasper, Texas where three white men chained and dragged a black man to death behind their pickup truck. That is probably what Jasper Texas will be remembered for in another 10 years, not a singer on a karaoke contest.

Haleigh--I agree the letter has potential for being from a worster.

--I cannot take a warning seriously that contains the word "scadaddle." For the record spelling it correctly "skedaddle" does not make it any more serious. It still sounds like it belongs on a 50's or 60's sitcom.

--Well bully for you that you take an extra course in history. See, I can use outdated terms too.

--Freedom of speech-Yes, you have the freedom of speech to insult us, just like we have the freedom of speech to insult the participants on AI. At least this on has heard of freedom of speech, unlike many of the letter writers.

Ryan Seacrest being bleeped out--In the official AI universe we barely exist. We are but a fly around a cow (Nigel two years ago), they would not acknowledge us to the point where Ryan would have to be bleeped out. They would probably bleep out VFTW before bleeping out fuckboobs.

To all the people who asked about our obsession about cows. It turns out that it may be my fault. In the "Fringe" thread on the "Other TV shows" forums, I asked about the significance about a cow in the laboratory. People responded to my inquiry, and thus we are obsessed about cows. In typing my response to Haleigh, I was also reminded about Nigel's reference to us two years ago, in which he compared us to a fly around a cow (I think someone made a photo chop depicting that image).

SERIOUSLY!

When are parents going to stop letting the Internet babysit their children?

Learn to laugh ok? We laugh at you kids who write these (GO F**K YOURSELF! STUPID F**KBOOBS!) horrendous complaints every week!